Screen time and electronic...ughhh
Let me preface this by saying, I know times are different and the phones and electronics are not going anywhere. My SD is 11, bio mom bought her a laptop 2 Christmas' ago. My husband and I were a little against it, as an 10 year old has no REAL need for a laptop. Fast forward to this year- I firmly believe that you need to slowly introduce kids now a days into the use of phones/iPads/electronics. Having said things is a privilege and sometimes a chore. We decided this Christmas to get SD an iPod touch, no cell service no real texting, more for gaming and portability when traveling.
SD has said iPod and a Nintendo switch, she is FaceTiming her cousin while playing the Nintendo switch. We cannot get her to come out of her room. She constantly has her door closed, and bio Mom just found not age appropriate things in her laptop. Mind you- I check her iPod daily when she goes to school to make sure she is being safe.
We are trying to figure out a safe and practical amount of time she can use these electronics without fully taking them all away. She was super antisocial before all the electronics and now it's just gotten out of control.
What do you all do? Earned screen time? A certain amount a day? Help!
All I can tell you is I had
All I can tell you is I had no say and no ability to monitor/control use of electronics by either SD. I ignored it and let DH and BM deal.
My sister monitored my nieces use continuously. If neice abused her electronics time then they were physically taken away. If niece did something that she shouldn't have and a consequence was needed, the electronics were taken away for an appropriate amount of time. My sister was strict on this with no "pooh-poohing" or ending the blackout periods early. She also took away ALL electronics at bedtime.
The result? My niece is responsible and thoughtful about her electronics use and is not addicted to it. Sure, like any teen she uses it alot but never to the detriment of others or herself.
Take everything electronic
Take everything electronic out of her bedroom and only allow it in an open, public area - kitchen, living room, etc. No privacy allowed. Also turn off Internet access at a time you and your dh decide on.
Yep.
Yep.
Be direct and keep it simple.
If she won't do what you ask
If she won't do what you ask when you ask then she loses electronics. You have found the carrot to make her behave. Use it. Screen time should be related to expectations and behaviors.
It's your house, you are the adults and get to set the rules , SD doesn't. This is a part of life that makes kids want to launch, making them uncomfortable aides in this. She will whine about about it but you just remind her when she's an adult and lives on her own, she can do whatever she wants, until then she lives with the rules of the house.
Earned screen time, and at 11
Earned screen time, and at 11 - in a common room of the house. You or their father check their Internet history regularly and monitor social media. Leave her on her own and she'll be posting nudes and communicating with creepers. Social media can be really toxic to young people, girls especially, and should be monitored or taken away if needed.
When I was a kid, we were allowed 2 hours of TV a day, that was it. Same can be done with modern screens. Yes, she will pitch a fit, but she will get used to the system.
My youngest ss is 11 and
My youngest ss is 11 and exactly the same. My bf picks him up on a Friday night and as soon as he gets to our house he's straight on his iPad, as soon as he's up in the morning he's straight on his iPad and when he has breakfast he switches it off then the tv goes straight on. Then by say about 10 in the morning he's on his PlayStation till 8 or 9 on the night and he only comes down for food. He's absolutely addicted and my bf spends no quality time with him. Not to mention the kid has headphones on all day, surely that will ruin his hearing, he barely interacts with us while he's here he is totally obsessed with his I pad and PlayStation.
I've told my bf it's really not good for him but he just lets him do it so I don't bother mentioning it anymore.
Sad.
Sad.
This is almost exactly the
This is almost exactly the same thing she does. She will occasionally come out awkwardly and ask us what we are doing. And just stand in front of us. Then go straight back in her room. The other night we were at the dinner table and she looked us square in the face and was like "are you done hanging out with me now?" Like we were forcing her to eat dinner with us or we were an inconvenience. I honestly don't know what to do.
Oh god don't even get me
Oh god don't even get me started on his eating, he's such a picky eater and won't eat the same meals as us. He basically now only eats cereal and sandwiches while he's here.
We were supposed to have him this weekend but his mom changed plans which did P my bf off but I said to why are you bothered you don't spend any quality time with him you just let him sit there on his ipad or his PlayStation all day. I told my bf you need to put a limit on how long he can spend on gadgets and if his kid doesn't like it that just tuff
Phones raising the kids
I am in a heated fellowship with my husband right now. He wonders why my twin ss (14) and sd (16) have nothing to say to anyone. They never have to do anything but be on their phones. My daughter (12) knows she cannot have her phone in her room throughout the night. I told my husband we will never blend or be on the same page if he doesn't implement some discipline in that area and stop being lazy. Of course he may have said something to them but he will never let me know if he did because he doesn't want to come across as 'wrong'. I told him to think about when he was 14 or 16 and the things that crossed his mind.. well, now think about it crossing your mind in 2021 and you can easily press a button and check things out online.. I refuse to say anything else about it..he and his ex-wife have raised those kids to do whatever they want..one of the boys has Aspergers and they just didn't take the time to show him how to slow down and do things correctly. I am praying for strength in that area to help him as much as I can so he will be able to function properly in society and get a job and all that. ...just so frustrating esp because the boys are with us 99% of the time.. and mind you, I only had two girls.. the nastiness of boys alone drives me crazy..but that's another subject.. my husband says all boys are nasty and if I didn't have boys, I can't say anything...but I just believe it's all about how you raise them..
I'm at a loss because it's
I'm at a loss because it's like I can stay stuff until I'm blue in the face, but my husband will never take initiative and follow through with anything. Bio mom try's to be more of a friend than anything. I feel like she lacked parenting when she was younger and now it has manifested itself into this antisocial rude monster that I'm left to deal with.
I had/have the same problem.
I had/have the same problem. But note that I am not considered a parent figure by DH, BM or either SD. I cannot and I will not (now that I understand that clearly after the past years) step in. Invariably if your DH doesn't care, you cannot care more.
With OSD who was just like your SD - only came out of her room to eat. Only to go back to BMs or to school. She'd maybe come out if we were doing something "fun" but that was also rare. She was sullen and not fun to be around. I disengaged from it all...otherwise I was the bad guy for trying to enforce some rules on children. If she wasn't upstairs for dinner I refused to go get her (she knew when we ate), I wouldn't try to get her to do anything or make requirements.
You'll have to let this go - she's not your kid, your DH doesn't seem to care, and that's how it will be.
And extra icing on this? I didn't bring her anywhere with me and I scheduled friends over only when SDs were not at our home.
Same here, bf agrees this and
Same here, bf agrees this and that isn't right but just lets it all slide cos he hates any conflict but by doing this he just creates a bigger problem and I don't see why I should parent his kid for him. Tbh I've took a step back with the 11yo and on the weekends he's here i do my own thing and zone out from it otherwise it would drive me up the wall.