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Well, we didn't have to call the cops....

steppie1999's picture

but when we arrived to pick up SS and SD last night, SS got right into car but SD went around to DH's side of the car...she was dressed in her raggedy "visitation" clothes but told DH that she "thought she should have the choice of whether she wanted to come or not" and that there were a lot of things that weren't "fair" when she comes to our house..DH told her that for one, she can't give him notice in the driveway at pickup time and that she needed to come because there were some things that needed to be discussed after the last time she was here and that it's something that can't be ignored (Yeah, Hubby!!)
SD still harped on wanting a choice as to whether she has to come every time (EOW) and DH told her that it's something that we can discuss but that she needed to come with us.
SD finally went back into the house to tell BM she wasn't staying home and to get her 'dental bag'...of course, what should have taken 2 minutes took more than 10 minutes. Pretty sure BM had to run off the head about the whole thing because BM believes SK's should have a 'choice' in whether they come to visit (hoping they'll choose her over us) and BM believes SK's would never lie to her and that we are the horrible people that she perceives us to be :sick: plus BM and SD knew that SD had to come face the music for going back to BM's and telling lies about me AGAIN!!! SD was very quiet on the 1+ hour trip back to our house.
After supper, we had a nearly 2 hour discussion (DH gets side-tracked and rambles) with SD about what she did and why...including going over the emails back and forth with BM about the whole situation (just to clarify how much was because of SD and how much was BM twisting everything).
SD of course sits there and agrees with everything we say and says what she did was wrong, doesn't know why she did it, and that her BM is wrong and crazy as well but DH pointed out to her several times that she's riding the fence because he knows that she does the same thing with BM....agrees that she's right and we're wrong, etc. in order to be in less trouble with us.
I made it very clear to her that I have ALWAYS treated them all like my own, (SD agreed), that I go out of my way to do things for them (SD agreed) that I love and care for them (SD said she knew this) so it makes it hard to take to be lied about time and time again, just because SD didn't get her way about one thing or another. I also made it clear to her that it wouldn't happen again.....EVER!!!! DH is backing me up on all of this BTW...Bless Him Smile
DH told her that if it keeps up, that they (SK's) will not be allowed to ask me for anything and that they will only be allowed to come to him and he says NO a lot more often than I do....LOL Way to go DAD!!!
I then told SD that if it came to that, then DH would be taking over EVERYTHING and I just as well go find something to do for myself on the weekends that they (SK's) are here. This statement shocked both SD and DH.....LOL You should have seen the look in DH's eyes!!!! It was priceless.
But they BOTH knew I was SERIOUS!!! Wink
It's the same thing every time....I don't feel like anything was accomplished really....SD received no punishment for big surprise there but I wasn't going to push it....I'm tired of fighting.
We have no more email communication at this time with BM so maybe we won't have to hear the BS from her when SD continues to go home and throw us under the bus (I don't believe she will stop) so that will make it easier plus I just don't care to try and defend myself anymore.....It's all ridiculous and I will continue to do what I do....this is my house too....ruled by ADULTS...Not BM's and certainly not CHILDREN!!!!
Thanks for the venting time Wink


Sia's picture

why skids do this. I really don't. It seems that the people (us) who take care of them the most, are always the ones gettting tossed under the bus. Though my SDs through DH under the bus a LOT as well. It is tiring and stressful, and I know what you mean about defending yourself. I also constantly have to do this with my MIL, as well. I just stopped doing it all together. They are going to think what they want about me and I cannot do anything about it. Change what I CAN control I guess, but it still sucks big time! My dad always says, "Your opinion of me doesn't matter". It's the only thing he's really said that I've ever really agreed with. Wink

evilsm's picture

Sounds like what happened with us about two weeks ago almost word for word. I don't know why skids do this type of thing either, and with SD there is just no reasoning. SD will say anything to get herself out of trouble, she thinks she is so smart because she can get away with bullshi!!ing both her parents but I don't fall for that stuff. She tries to "explain" things over their head so they will give up and let it go but I know better and am trying to teach DH too. Glad you stuck to your guns steppie, that is the only way to get the message across to these kids and I am so happy to hear that your DH supports you, that is the most important part. Sorry no real words of advice, DH and I are trying to navigate these waters as well. You are not alone. Smile


If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders. ~Abigail Van Buren

steppie1999's picture

It means a lot to be able to come on this site and vent or ask for advice. I hate that anyone out there has to go through the BS that we all suffer at the hands of our BM's and SK's.
At least we all have each other here. Biggrin