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Can't Understand Normal Thinking

steppie1999's picture

This is a phrase we use in email communications with BM. It has an underlying meaning that makes us smile...especially since BM hasn't figured it out yet Wink
Can any of the readers here figure it out?

Anyway, BM has an agenda at the moment...besides her usual agenda of just trying to make things as difficult as possible for us (and everyone around her).
A couple weeks ago, she requested 3 months worth of paystubs from DH so that she could review them for possible change in child support. We sent her ONE...the most recent, which happened to be from DH's one weeks vacation that he takes this time of the year. We were not about to send her all 3 months worth (without a court order) because DH has worked a little bit of over-time and we knew that's what she was after...even though child support paid by DH is based on a 40 hour week because over-time is not "guaranteed".
Well, we got an email last night, from BM, that confirmed what I just told you.

Xxxx,

While we appreciate you finally sending your paystub to us, we would really prefer that it wasn't a vacation paystub, and we expect you to send us the 3 months worth of paystubs that we originally asked for. SS had told us several times that you were working a lot of overtime lately, so we really have to question the validity of the single paystub you sent us, especially since it was for a week of vacation. Please send us the 3 months (January - March 2008) that we originally requested, or we will have no choice but to go through the process of contacting child support enforcement.

Xxxx and Xxxx

She's such a (see title of blog)!!!!!
I'm sure she "questions the validity of the single paystub...since it was for a week of vacation" because when BM and DH were married, DH NEVER got to take an actual vacation. He worked and sold his vacation back to the company he worked for so that it was like getting a double paycheck....this was BM's idea because she's VERY GREEDY!!!! Since DH and I met, he actually takes a vacation....by God, He and I work hard all year long and EARN that vacation time....plus, I'm not money hungry like BM. The only reason DH has worked what little over-time that was available a couple months ago was because I've been off work due to an injury and we needed the money. This over-time came at a good time for us financially and hasn't been available again for about a month now.
Anyway, I'd like to see her go to child support enforcement because they will laugh in her face. There is no COURT ORDER that states any over-time shall be considered toward child support and without a court order, child support enforcement can't do a thing. Besides, BM has to prove that DH works overtime on a consistent basis....which he doesn't. In fact, he's even told them when he has his kids are at our house, he won't even work MANDATORY over-time.
I have a feeling that she'll push it, and that's fine because she's only cutting off her nose to spite her face....AGAIN. I just hate that we'll have more attorney fees to pay Sad
God, I wish that woman would get a different hobby!

Comments

steppie1999's picture

Thanks Crayon
I'll have to tell DH that one too....good one. Wink

"SOME PEOPLE WEREN'T MEANT TO HAVE CHILDREN" Sad

TheSaneOne's picture

OK - I dont get the other one, Lol

If she takes you to court ask her to pay your atty fees - you tried to work with her and even so - CO doens't say you have to supply those at her every whim - she's being intrusive. tell her you will submit no more to her but only to a judge per an order - or better yet - ignore her. no sense is discussing something you won't agree to anyway Smile

steppie1999's picture

You're right, Saneone. The only response we sent to BM's email was "email received"...she hates that Biggrin
Plus, I did bring up BM paying attorney fees and he agreed that if she pushes it then that's something we'll ask for. Don't know if we'll get it but it can't hurt to ask.
She's only asking for these paystubs because we offered to supply copies to her to save the hassle of court. Thing is, we know she's just looking to start something because we got an email with this request from BM last week in which she stated that she "had been looking through old paperwork" and ran across our offer.....FROM 2 YEARS AGO!!!!!!
What a troublemaker Sad

"SOME PEOPLE WEREN'T MEANT TO HAVE CHILDREN" Sad

happysomeday's picture

Don't send her anything- you don't have to send her anything.
Just ignore her. How is she so into your life that she knows what hours he's working anyway?

I'm getting child support from my ex husband, and I would never demand his pay stubs from him, and if I did, there's no way he'd turn them over to me. She has to go through the appropriate agency.

My ex doesn't pay enough support, because we both moved to a new state last year, and the new state has different guidelines, and he has a higher paying job now- but I never have requested a raise.
But even if/when I do, it's not going to be me asking him for his paystubs so I can review them, I'll have to go to the child support system, and they will get the records from his company.
Why do anything directly with her?
Ignore her and make her do it the right way. She can't determine what your H's CS is supposed to be. She can only have it reviewed- if they would raise it, it would be according to their chart, so I don't see why you need to deal with her directly anyway. It's not like she's going to try to help YOU out or anything. It's not going to help you to discuss it with her.

Colorado Girl's picture

I say give them to her. She really is entitled to them, it's just making her take the extra step in getting them by going thru CSE. And all you're doing is pissing her off by withholding them and making it look like DH has something to hide. BUT, I would also request that she provide you with the same. That way you can do your own research. She may be just playing a game and if your CS order is pretty accurate, then it won't matter in the end anyways.

My skids BM likes to "demand" all sorts of things. I have found that when I give into her reasonable demands (even when she's screaming at DH) it stops the drama. It also allows you to look like the reasonable party if and when you go before a judge.

"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley

CplStv's picture

Nope, C.G., She's "Entitled" to NADA, and CS can be Told NOT to Disclose "Personal Info" which includes exact Pay Amounts, etc. under The Federal Privacy Acts. If She has "Reason To Believe" there has been a substantial INCREASE in BASE INCOME, She can Petition CSE, but They will only do it so often...EVEN IN NYS, The MOST ANTI - FATHER State In The Union.

Steve

Kids are the Best and Worst Things We can do to Ourselves. When We have nothing else worth living for, We'll go on, for Them, but Oh How We Miss Our Freedom...LOL

Colorado Girl's picture

If she files herself thru the courts, he is required to provide three years of tax returns, three months pay stubs, and any other financial information pertinent to child support.

CSE isn't required to share the information because they are not a representative of either parent.

BOTH parents are "entitled" to financial information of the other parent. At least in Colorado.

"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley

steppie1999's picture

Unfortunately, there is no such thing as being reasonable with BM because she is the most unreasonable person I know.
We could give into her demands (as we've done so many times in the past) but BM always wants more, more, more without giving in return. In fact, during the emails with her requests for paystubs we pointed out to her that SHE doesn't contribute a dime toward CS for SS that lives with us and she informed us (by email) that whe will NEVER be getting a job because she is a "stay at home mom" and current husband likes it that way. I say fine, he can pay the child support that BM owes us and in the meantime.....BM needs to stop trying to rape us financially!!!!!

"SOME PEOPLE WEREN'T MEANT TO HAVE CHILDREN" Sad

Colorado Girl's picture

my skids' BM.

I can relate to unreasonable. Her current argument is that the state of Colorado's Child Support Calculation doesn't consider the country's economy status? How can SHE live off the amount ordered when the economy is hurting? So DH asked her how can HE pay so much when the economy is hurting?

My only suggestion is to pick your battles. Let her in her own mind feel victorious. We can argue all day about what is fair and what is not fair...it's up to us sometimes to stop the madness and the constant bickering.

"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley

CplStv's picture

If You have LEGAL Custody, and the CS was Decreed before that, She'll Lose a portion of the CS, so Let Her Go To Them...It Will Be Fun To Watch Her Face as The Judge Rules that She has "Collected Under False Pretenses" since You've had SS...

Steve

Kids are the Best and Worst Things We can do to Ourselves. When We have nothing else worth living for, We'll go on, for Them, but Oh How We Miss Our Freedom...LOL

steppie1999's picture

Yes, we have physcial, legal custody of SS and when this change came about last summer, DH's child support was lowered to pay support on 2 kids instead of 3. The new joint parenting agreement states that BM is to give us notice within 7 days of getting a job....which we knew she had no intention of doing and just recently admitted to in writing. Once BM got a job, CS was supposed to be reduced again since she was FINALLY contributing financially. It'll be funny when she pushes this issue. We gave BM a mathematical breakdown of what the support would be based on his current hourly wage minus taxes, minus premium for SK's medical coverage(which increases every year) and DH's CS would only increase by $1.00 weekly It would be funny if the judge actually reduced DH's CS to accomodate the fact that BM REFUSES to work to support her own kids and SF's income could actually considered in this process since he has taken financially responsibility for SK's for the last 7 years.
I would ROFLMAO....right there in the court room Biggrin Biggrin

"SOME PEOPLE WEREN'T MEANT TO HAVE CHILDREN" Sad

Colorado Girl's picture

if a parent choses not to work and the children are over 30 months old, that parent is held to a "potential" income amount in the child support calculation.

BM chose to work at a daycare rather than as a medical assistant (her prior career choice before they were married), she was making a significant amount less and was held to a higher amount in the calculation.

"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley

steppie1999's picture

Yes, we've been the whole route of 3 years worth of financial paperwork and affadavit's twice before and gladly do it but I guess at this point, it's the principle of the thing. I'm not sure what the laws are here in Illinois about "potential" income but I was just at the library today to get some legal books on child support, custody, and visitation to look over. This way we don't have to pay our lawyer...yet, but if BM decides to push the issue, we don't go into our lawyer's office completely ignorant. I know a lot about how child support works but it's a little unusual when you have both parents as Custodial and Non-Custodial at the same time.
We gave BM the most recent paystub from DH's job and that should have been sufficient for BM but she's being greedy because she found out DH had worked some overtime (which is not the norm) and she thinks she's "ENTITLED" just because she gave birth to these children and feels that it's ONLY DH's responsibility to provide financially for them. BM's a TAKER!!! This is just another area where she wants CONTROL and can't stand it when she DOESN'T KNOW EVERYTHING!!!
As it is, DH pays his child support yet we still provide ALL clothing for them here....they bring nothing but the rags they're wearing!!!
We already know that for BM it's not about providing for the Sk's but
more about seeing how much hassle she can cause for us.
The SK's are always talking about how BM and SF constantly fight about the amount of debt they have and how much of it is due to BM's spending.

"SOME PEOPLE WEREN'T MEANT TO HAVE CHILDREN" Sad

TheSaneOne's picture

I wouldn't supply it simply because it isn't the norm, so ok, she gets them, then what, she hassles you for more money - this is beyond reasonable. Tell her anything else she can get through the CS office and don't discuss it anymore - and i might add that if she had a job, she wouldn't have so much time to make your lives hell. sounds to me like SF is pissed about how broke they are and instead of her getting a job she wants you to make up the difference. and hey who cares if SS suffers.....

steppie1999's picture

You hit the nail on the head!!
Only thing is, at this point we will not be communicating with BM anymore on the matter anymore....that is until she brings it up again (and we know she will) BM already knows from our communication of "email received" that she already has all we're giving her and will not fall into her trap to argue with her.
IGNORE, IGNORE, IGNORE!!! It's worked better than anything else so far.
"SOME PEOPLE WEREN'T MEANT TO HAVE CHILDREN" Sad

steppie1999's picture

Last night, I suggested to DH that we send BM his paystub that he'll receive tomorrow since it will be his regular 40 hour work week and not his vacation week paystub. He said no, let BM do whatever she's going to do and we'll go from there and ask that she start paying CS for SS that's living with us. I'm in agreement with him because with BM it won't matter...especially since it's not SPECIFICALLY WHAT SHE TOLD US TO DO!!
Somehow, she thinks she's in the position to tell us what to do, like she's our mother or something Wink

"SOME PEOPLE WEREN'T MEANT TO HAVE CHILDREN" Sad