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Weekend from Hell, I'm not in a good mood-rant

iamlosingit's picture

So, DH kept telling me not to worry about MIL coming over because she always brings her own food,(she has stomach issues due to poor choices so now she can only eat certain things) just wants to get out of the house, blah blah whatever.
MIL comes over. Here's the summary of my weekend.
DH orders pizza on Friday since he had NO pre-plan of menu for the weekend and accommodating an extra guest. We can't afford pizza. I saw her put a few small jars of soup in the fridge but she never touched it and ended up bringing it home with her. She doesn't drink anything but coffee...coffee is a "treat" for us right now. Every time she was thirsty, she would head to the coffee maker. When we ran out, she wouldn't ask she would just make another pot. We went through 6 POTS of coffee and an entire large coffee-mate creamer in one weekend. DH and I limited ourselves to no more than 2 large cups a day and I don't usually drink it during the week to try to make it last longer. SO basically we used a weeks worth of coffee in two days.
The food we budgeted for to make for ourselves for the super-bowl AFTER dropping off MIL and SS was made for LUNCH...so DH and I ended up eating rice and bean tacos for dinner instead. Before you all jump down my throat "she's his mother, how rude of you not to feed her etc" we are BROKE this month like always. We just went light grocery shopping last weekend and each somehow spent about $70 (had to get a few household items too). Having to unexpectedly feed an extra person since we couldn't shop for it ahead of time (didn't know she was coming until LATE)messes up my entire meal plans, the extra portion basically removes one meal for DH and I each meal she eats. Normally the week consists of alternating between cooking for 3 and cooking for 2, NOT cooking for 4.
DH made a pasta dish for lunch on Saturday, MIL served herself a BIG bowl...took about four bites...decided she didn't like it and threw it away. She ate an extra portion and a half of breakfast on Sunday so I ended up not eating because there wasn't any left after everyone else was served, DH was eating as he was cooking so he didn't realize how much she ate.
DH basically spend the weekend with SS in his room playing video games. ss "forgot" his planner at school so DH didn't know if he had any homework or not because his backpack was empty...SS also forgot to talk like a human and was all "miwk, dwink, gwass, pway" all weekend looooong FML....This leaves me with MIL, as predicted.
MIL took over the tv in the living room... and wouldn't stop talking. Now I'm all for conversation...but seriously the woman just doesn't stop. "Suggestions" on what we should be doing with the house, what I should be doing with my mother, my brother, conspiracy theories, politics, talking about the tv show, telling DH he works too much (my favorite)...oh and she went for a walk...discovered we live only 2.5 blocks from a bus stop...and said "now I will be seeing you guys more often!'...omg kill me.

Highlight of my weekend: DH telling me he doesn't have my portion of the mortgage this month(thanks for letting me know AFTER it's due), or his child support, or the IRS money. Yep...somehow ONCE AGAIN he is missing $1000 from his account. At least this time it's not my money. The kicker? He said he wouldn't be broke if he hadn't been paying me back. I actually laughed out loud and said "you did this to yourself in July and October and now it's happening again. How does $1000 keep disappearing every three months??....you need to keep a check log because obviously you aren't doing something right. We never agreed on a set amount that he would pay me each month, he just started paying the mortgage himself and I would deduct it off his balance. If he couldn't do that high of an amount he shouldn't have, I would have had no issue transferring him a few hundred of my portion. So the balance gets paid of slower, oh well at least he was trying. And I had told him this each month, and he kept saying "I got it".
He claims he hates the house and we never should have got it, then got mad when I said the rent at the apartment would have been a couple hundred OVER what we are currently spending so he would have been screwed regardless. His old job that he was supposed to be working overtime at had overtime three days last week but he only found out about one of them. His new job has no overtime until after the 14th. OH, did I mention he "lost" his wedding ring over a month ago and we still cant find it? I've now stopped wearing mine because he hasn't even tried to look for it. He said yesterday it was on his dresser, I looked, it wasn't there, I took mine off.
My overtime at my work is still gone and not coming back any time soon, I have no money to loan him and I wont. I should have known him paying me back was too good to be true, I guess $1800 out of $3000 isn't that bad but now that he can't give me anything this month that means I am stuck with the $200 utility bill from last month myself. Really wasn't expecting that and I should have been better prepared. I just texted Dh and told him he better call his second job and see what overtime they have this week, and if his sister need to watch SS on his visitation he better get on it. I can only get 2.5 hours of overtime a week, that is a FAR cry from what I used to get and I hate it. I asked my boss when we were going to be able to have overtime again and he laughed at me.
Went to walk to the restroom at work and felt something in my foot tear, brought me to my knees. Yes Im still wearing the stupid boot, after my dr appointment last Thursday she said I need another two weeks. Four people have the day off today, guess who is running the front and walking on the foot? Oh and the kicker: the safety committee guy here is getting mad at me that it's taking so long to heal because its been over a month now. Man...it's a tendon...it's not a "fast heal". Tempted to beg the clinic to just sign off and say I'm healed even if I'm not because I can't afford for them to not pay me.
I'm honestly disgusted with myself for being so whiny and even for typing this. I never should have married DH. We have no sex life, his son drives me up the wall, we can't afford to have kids and more and more I'm starting to wonder if I made a mistake in not wanting any. I loathe visitation days and BM, especially since ss was all happy telling us about the new xbox and games BM bought him...glad to know the cs is being used wisely...every month a week after DH gives her the check ss comes over telling us about the latest trip they went on, or the latest "thing" he got. It makes me sick. I'm sick of not even having 3 days between visitation, sick of BM, sick of DH, I wish ss was never born so we could have a child. I highly doubt we would be spending over $300/month on our child.
I wish my brother wasn't dying, wish my mom wasn't nuts, wish dh and I would have just got married in a courthouse and told my family to 'eff off. We could have saved so much money. But I was hell bent on having just ONE thing with DH that BM couldn't claim. She got the first house, first child, first engagement, first lavish vacation, well g'damn I was going to get the wedding she didn't get. Yes not the smartest decision but I was not in the best mind set.
Only good thing about this weekend is brother's lung function has gone up to 60 and they are once again sending him home but it's a week earlier then expected.. Gotta love state healthcare. He's not out of the woods but they won't let him stay.
Everyone almost always is going to have "what if" moments, I wish I wasn't having so many.
I've found myself pricing studio apartments and imagining eating salads for dinner with wine, watching movies with my dog, working out in my apartments awesome gym...then I feel like a terrible person. I need a vacation.

Comments

NoWireCoatHangarsEVER's picture

I agree that you should not have married him. He is no partner to you. I really think you need to work
On an exit plan. Hugs

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Hon, I wish I could send you a bottle of wine.

Maybe it's time for you to make a list of the positives and negatives of your marriage and what makes it worth it to stay. {{{hugs}}}

hereiam's picture

ONCE AGAIN he is missing $1000 from his account.

You really need to get to the bottom of this. In the meantime, many hugs.

IslandGal's picture

Yeh..Im wondering about this too..just seems damn suss..wheres that money going? Gambling? Brothel??

iamlosingit's picture

My portion of the mortgage is about $600 add on his half and that's $1200 gone, his truck payment Is around $400, cs is over $300. That's $1900 alone; he has a cell phone that is in his name only (so happy about that, it used to be such a problem) two student loans, car insurance, gas...I think he's right this time. He didn't have the extra $600 to give me but did it anyway for three months and now he's broke. He should have just given me $200, maybe $300 if he COULD but he tried to pay it off faster by paying the whole thing.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Money is a HUGE stressor in marriage.... DH and I have those issues... Though not to your level...

I know I'm only seeing one side. So I won't say flee yet... But as Aniki said, maybe it's time to make a list... If the love has faded, idk if it was really love, and a loveless and affectionless marriage doesn't sound pleasant. To me, I wouldn't be able to handle that. It's your choice, but you have to look after yourself.

It's YOUR life. So you should be happy, not full of regrets. That being said, everyone has regrets, so it's really just important to find your limits and draw that line for your own sanity.

I love the skids and I still wish sometimes that they weren't a thing... That I wasn't completely raising children that will never be completely mine... That DH didn't have a crazy ex that would be looming and that that dang divorce decree didn't have to happen because he had never married the wh0re in the first place. I wish that we had had a wedding, and that I was his one and only rather than the second dealing with his family that seems to have split loyalties no matter how crazy she is. So I get regrets. Sometimes you just have to brush those off. You really just have to ask yourself if you're willing to lose him, or if you want to be his last, even with all the crazy. Then you have to evaluate your quality of life and how long you can last in the current chaos. If you don't want to be his last, then why waste more time? If you do want to be his last, but can't handle the chaos, what changes could you and Dh make to help the chaos? Is he willing to help you make those changes? Do you need space while he gets a hold on his mess? Just a lot of thinking for YOU.

Ultimately you need to look after yourself first. You can't help someone that doesn't want to help themselves.

ESMOD's picture

I hate to say it... but you have to be thinking this yourself. No one is short thousands of dollars and loses their ring and continually comes up short without there being a "good" reason (and by that I mean a bad one).

Here are my possible theories.

1. He is using drugs (alcohol possibly.. but drugs a better bet)
2. He is gambling.
3. He has a girlfriend
4. The least likely, in my mind, but possible would be that he is just bad with money and is starbucksing himself out of it... again highly unlikely and the missing wedding band is a clue that makes this the least likely answer.

Missing money and missing a valuable piece of jewelry? He didn't lose this money.. (unless you consider gambling the possibility). He has spent it on something or someone you don't want to know about. He pawned or sold his ring for additional cash. I bet if you look hard enough, some other things may be missing that could have been monetized.

My advice is cut your losses. get him out of there. If you need a room mate to help with the bills, so be it, but get this loser out of your life.

ESMOD's picture

And... just so you know. I come from a place of hard earned experience here.

I too dated a guy that was "short", or had money come up missing. I also helped him cover bills and even when the red flags were waving... I thought I was ok and would just stay long enough to get paid back. Well.. that 2k turned into more than 20K that he stole/wheedled out of me. Always a promise of "I will pay you after my next job".. that never came or was a pittance.

Turns out it WAS drugs.. and he cheated... oh and he turned abusive and I wish like heck I had cut my losses at 2K.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

ESMOD, I was in your shoes. My ex spent my retirement money on drugs. It was a lot more than 20k... :O

Aniki-Moderator's picture

No new victim. Apparently, I was the last woman stupid enough to fall for him. He contacted me a few years ago, telling me he's still in love with me. Uh, yeah, right. You probably just want more money.

ESMOD's picture

I know I wasn't the last. The next called me and asked me if he was "safe" to be around her toddler. Apparently he got angry because the kid accidentally broke something minor of his... so he took the 3 yo's favorite vcr tape and crushed it inches from the kid's face. (I absolutely didn't want the guy back.. nor did I want his ire for me telling tales to his new flame.. who incidentally knew about me but was cheating with him anyway). But, it was a 3 yo at risk and I figured I wouldn't forgive myself if I didn't tell her and he hurt her child (can't believe she couldn't see that him crushing something in a 3 year old's face was out of line smdh)... well.. apparently she was super stupid and stayed with him anyway from what I hear.. until he cheated on her and then he beat that next one up and put her in the hospital.. so he was finally charged with dom viol. I saw after that he dated someone else for a while and have no doubt he has moved on to someone else yet again.. probably many someone elses...he is a really horrible person.

Amcc13's picture

I am with you on the pawning one
I was thinking he is trying to set up another life and dump her with everything
He is deffo up to something
Time to get rid of the user for sure - he is no partner

Exjuliemccoy's picture

ESMOD is spot on.

The question is, what are you going to do about it?

This leech betrays you over and over.

sunshinex's picture

I too wish I could send you a bottle of wine, and drink it with you. This seems like a lot to be dealing with all at once. I hope you find a way to resolve some of these issues, with or without your husband's help. And if it's without your husband's help, I hope you start making an exit plan and heal fast. I know leaving is hard, but sometimes, it's worth it to get to better days. XO

Exjuliemccoy's picture

No one is going to jump down your throat for complaining about your MIL. She sounds like a trashy mooch. ALL of these people are no class, no integrity bottom feeders that I would cross the street to avoid.

Mooches do what they do. But it was up to YOU to speak up. It was up to YOU, as the only sane person in your household, to matter of factly tell her that thanks to DH you are flat broke and then take the coffee and hide it. And it wasn't your job to babysit MIL while your leech spouse played video games. You should have left, gone to visit a friend, or just window shopped. You even could have been interviewing potential roommates, speaking with a divorce attorney, or using your local library's free WiFi to watch How to Get a Divorce tutorials.

You are allowing the people in your life to use and abuse you. They know you better than you know yourself. Why are you willing to settle for so little?

You need to save yourself.

IslandGal's picture

Sending you hugs. Sounds like youre being used.

Exit plan and staft your life anew. Theres more positives in being free of him, i cant see any good reason why you'd want to stay.

Acratopotes's picture

oi... what a mess, but don't worry Hon, it will get better and we are all here to support you and sending you hugs.

Now... get a hold of DH's bank account, when his salary is deposited, transfer your share immediately out, that would be his 50% of house hold expenses and what he owes you, after that he can get his bank account back and do what ever he wants to.
Next time MIL wants to visit, simply say NO.... if she brings her own food, why not eat it.... yes you simply should've taken a jar and ate it yourself, if MIL complains about it, smile and say

1. Your son can't provide for this house hold and we can't afford wasting food, you brought your own but yet you stuff your face with the little we have, it's only fare that I help myself to your food.
2. Oh MIL, if I'm not allowed to eat, I'm sorry but I have to charge you Bed and breakfast rates then, 150.00 per night please

I would seriously get more insight on DH's bank account, I don't think there's a girl friend, I think that money goes to BM or skid in form of spoils etc.

ndc's picture

Frankly, I don't think this situation is ever going to change. If you don't like living in this way (and who would?), it's time for an exit plan.