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Noticing a shift in YSS

SM12's picture

Since this whole COVID-19 drama and schools being out, I've noticed a change in YSS.   Now I am the first to say I am over him being here so much.  I'm used to him being at school during the day and since there is no school....he is here on visit days.   DH is here during one of the days with YSS but has to work the other day YSS is here.   
Anyway....I have noticed lately that YSS looks like he is constantly disgusted or pouty.   He barely speaks to me (nothing really new) but now when I walk in the room he looks at me with a distasteful look.   I'm sure my insistence on him going home immediately after I am done working on days he goes back to BMs is part of the problem.  He has been wanting to stay here and spend time on his video game. He uses our hiuse as his own personal hang out.  Well he has the same system at BMs so no real excuse to stay here.  
I am also sure BM and her SO are using my insistence on him going home as a way to make me the bad guy.   Again, don't care.  I just am noticing his attitude a lot more toward me.

Sadly we have him this long weekend which always seems to happen...damn!!  And we will be camping so I will be stuck with YSS in a tiny camper while DH works part of the time.   I could insist Yss not come until DH gets off work but that will cause major problems and it isn't worth it.  

Instead I have made plans to do a lot of noisy activities while YSS is trying to sleep until 4 pm.  I think he will decide soon enough he doesn't want to come camping anymore because he would rather sleep. 
DH and BM have raised one lazy ass kid with YSS.  

I guess I just need to vent about it.  I am finding the older I get the less I want to deal with children, especially teens.   I maybe if I'm honest I just don't want to deal with skids.   I'm ready to be free from kids and it's going to be a long time before that happens.  I'm second guessing whether I should even be in this marriage due to not wanting kids around.

I think this weekend calls for a lot of cocktails and long walks without DH and yss.


Gimlet's picture

How nice that BM pouts because she has to take her own child.  That speaks volumes about how nice it is to have him around.

Ugh, yes, it seemed like long holiday weekends were almost always kid weekends and if they weren't, BM liked to "offer" the wonderful opportunity to spend time with the morose, moody skids. 

I've found that the finish line meant a lot more to me than I realized.  My husband's children are not enjoyable or fun people and I've done a lot of soul-searching about YSS and his issues, because it means that my finish line got extended.  I don't blame you for not wanting to spend time with stinky, pouty kids. 

I hope you get some quality alone time, SM12.  

SM12's picture

I find myself feeling guilty a lot toward YSS.   Partly because he isn't necessarily a bad kid in comparison to the older two demons.   But yet I can barely stand him being here.   He doesn't talk back or stir up trouble.  It just seems I just can't control my feeling about him.  I want my own space and to no longer have to compromise what I want because DH had a kid with BM.   I feel like i have felt this way since my own BS launched.  I'm DONE with raising kids.   
And yet I feel like a bad person because other than not showering like he should, he isn't a problem kid. 

Gimlet's picture

I get it.  YSS isn't a bad kid either, he just has a lot of issues.  Most of those issues could have been mitigated sooner, and DH did try (although not always hard enough) but they weren't, so here we are.

I'm also done raising my kid and honestly, a lot of my SM experience has just felt like waiting it out so DH and I could have our lives together and see all the adult kids like normal people - visits and vacations and such. 

I've been struggling with this too.  Feeling guilty because he isn't a bad kid, but also feeling like I want to be done and that I don't enjoy him.  It's draining.   

Maxwell09's picture

Just some food for thought....wouldnt you have to deal with him less if you let him sleep until 4pm and veg out on games. I know I could get a lot of stuff done around the house if my skid and bs kept those hours.

SM12's picture

And when we are at home I do that.  At the campe we don't have video games and he would be sleeping in the middle of everything in the camper and basically in the way.   DH and BM both were always very adamant that the SSs can sleep as long as they want which is why DH and BM wouldn't agree to DH taking them

home to BMs in his way to work in the summers.  They didn't think the widdle snucums should have to wake up at 8 am to go home and should sleep as long as they want...::Congrats DH and BM,

you have raised  lazy unmotivated kids!

missginger's picture

From what I read on here all teenagers seem to be moody, pouty and always bored. I have caught SD16 giving me looks sometimes that I cant even put into words. They just make me uncomfortable. Like she is getting old enought to realize we will never be "one big happy family" and she is starting to resent my presence. 

And why is here there during "School hours"? DH has always picked Sd up at 3 on his days becuase that is when her school got out. No school? Well he still gets her at 3. She is leaving later and later in the mornings she sleeps over now tohugh. Which I hate!

SM12's picture

On days DH works he would normally take YSS to school but during summers, BM would pick him up on her way home from work at 3:30-4.   She is off work due to Covid so she hasn't been picking him up.  He is trying to hide out in the game room so he can stay here and not go back to BMs.  I'm am making him made by taking him home myself.  It's only a few miles away and I am so desperate for him to leave I am gladly driving him home.

MurphysLaw's picture

Of course he's disgusted by you, you are invading HIS home. Did you not know that is his father's home which equals HIS home. 
I don't know your background story but it's completely irrelevant. This home could have been in YOUR family for 5 generations...doesn't matter, it's HIS father's now and you're just an inconvenience.

Have you thought about staying at a BnB while SS is visiting HIS second home? 
It would make things so much more fun for him. Remember:

"The Children Come First" TM



I think this quarantine shite is finally  getting to me.

SM12's picture

I think Covid has infected my mental status.   And I don't think YSS feels that I have invaded his home.   This is my home which I bought before DH and I married.   Early on when they first moved in, the older SSs were being jerks to my BS and disrespecting my house.  They didn't know it was MY house.  Well I lost it on all of them and made them leave.  On the way to DHs apartment he made it crystal clear to them all that this was MY house and I was allowing them to be there and I can not allow it as well.  But then again YSS was a lot younger so maybe he doesn't remember.   

MurphysLaw's picture

"They didn't know it was MY house.  Well I lost it on all of them and made them leave."

Your biggest mistake was allowing ANY of them BACK IN.

tog redux's picture

I hope DH will at least make him bathe before you get stuck in a camper with him.

BM here carefully designed the CO to be sure she ALWAYS got every long weekend. Two different kinds of BMs, I guess.

Gimlet's picture

Ours was such an interesting mix of not wanting OSS (never YSS) to come over versus taking any opportunity to have DH get them.  I think she liked to see if DH would say no to extra time so she could tell them he didn't want them or she and OSS would fight so she wanted DH to deal with him so he could be the bad guy.