DH has to ruin everything fun
Why oh why does DH insist on trying to ruin my plans by trying to interject YSS Into them. I am so over DH trying to pawn YSS off on me and into my plans when he rarely does anything with YSS himself.
I have a few days off this week. It's close to my birthday and I have chosen a pup as my gift. I have made all arrangements to go get the pup on my days off. I have been the only one to prepare for the pup which is fine. I originally had planned to get the pup on a day we didn't have YSS. But my plans changed and I will be going during YSSs visit. DH isn't even aware of this date change yet. However he ask last night if YSS could go with me. This is a Four hour round trip with a stop in the middle to visit family for my birthday. I have zero plans to take YSS along or be stuck with him in a car alone that long. He still isn't bathing even after I told him to and he smells. And also, it isn't YSSs pet, it's mine. And as far as DHs knows I was going on a non kid day so hell no to having YSS longer than necessary.
The part that infuriated me was the fact that YSS can be here all weekend and he and DH will not spend 5 minutes interacting. They switch off taking turns on the video game and never even spend time in the same room. So why the hell does DH try to pawn YSS off on me and my fun when he doesn't do anything fun with him???
I had zero problem telling DH NO...I will not be taking YSS and I have other plans. DH accepted this and then got on his phone so I am sure he mentioned it to YSS before asking me. Tough shit DH. I am already regretting my days off and they aren't even here yet.
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Just keep saying, "No".
Just keep saying, "No".
I think it's weird that he would even ask. Why would he think that either one of you would enjoy that?
I can't imagine my DH ever asking me to take his daughter on a road trip with me.
Right???
Honestly I think he does that to alleviate his own guilt for doing NOTHING with his kid. He really isn't a bad dad, but the last year or so I have noticed he has become very lazy in regard to everything, not just his kid.
DH pulled this crap early on in our marriage. Agreeing to have the kids here extra time but when he is gone. I pointed out very quickly that I am not going to be used to ease his guilt for lack of parenting or attention toward his kids and just because they are here with me doesn't make it better.
Same thing here. He wants me to use my time and energy to make him look like a better dad.
That is a big fat NO!!!
That is really so selfish and
That is really so selfish and inconsiderate.
It would have never occured to my DH to have SD at our house if he was not here. He didn't even have a summer visitation schedule (just the regular EOWE). He would take a few extra days here and there, when he could take off of work.
It just blows my mind what some of these men expect of their wives regarding their kids. And what they try to push onto them.
He doesn't think hereiam will
He doesn't think hereiam will enjoy it, but he thinks SS will - so of course hereiam will cater to the snowflake.
^^THIS^^
so much this
Id rather spend 4 hours stuck
Id rather spend 4 hours stuck in a car with a murder wasp than a skid
OMG DH did the same type of thing to me!
When we were first married I was slipping away, no boundaries were respected, I was trying to play nice but I was losing myself and anything that made me a separate person. The pull to the dark side of enmeshment was strong.
We got a dog (on my birthday). A few months later I told DH that I wanted to bond more with the dog and have a thing that was mine to do and I had found a place that helps train dogs to visit hospitals. Our dog is super-chill and would have been great at it.
Now I said it all in a way that was saying that *I* was doing this for *me* with no wishy-washy statements. DHs first comment: "Great, I'm sure the skids would love to do that!" ARGH! He didn't listen to me at all, just that it sounded like something else I could put myself out for for the skids. I dropped it. I knew DH would never make it happen and he didn't.
To this day DH will say "we should X" and what he really means is "I would like to do this so you make it happen." And I've learned not to do it because if I say "I would like to X" it gets ignored or becomes something that is not for me at all.
Exactly this!!
Anytime I want to do something DH tried to include YSS. This past winter I planned a trip to go visit my BS. I planned to go alone and enjoy the holiday with BS. DH was scheduled to work and it was a kid weekend so I thought YSS could stay here and he and DH could spend some time together without me.
NOPE!! Dh changed his work schedule and then invited himself and YSS along on my trip. I was so disappointed. I could smell YSS in the back seat the entire time. But yet DH can never plan anything on his own. He used to take YSS to some sporting events and conventions but haven't gone for a few years. And the reason is because I didn't get online and make it happen for DH.
Or maybe it’s that
If that you will be away from your home for six to eight hours. Four hours traveling, hour at puppy's parents house. Few hours with family. Then DH will be stuck with his DS for all that time and may have to take care of him.
You must make DH parent his kid, or not let SS come over. As in DH cooks cleans up ect after His DS
Ditto
Years ago, SO liked to include SGD in everything my son & I planned. During visitation he used to hide in his office while she watched TV or he'd take her to friend's houses. Reluctant parental unit.
I planned fun things, educational things, camping trips, corn mazes, trips to the zoo --- normal parent/kidlet activities. It never really occurred to SO to do the same. He loves SGD & wants the best for her, but visitation was more like marking time.
Eventually I realized that SO didn't want to be a parent to SGD --- he raised her for 8 years out of necessity but didn't have the interest, energy or skillset for much more. SO now admits that it was easier to gratefully hand over parenting & visitation time to me rather than step up or admit his lack of interest & step back. It's taken almost 8 years for his epiphany.
Your DH is persistent, though. Hold the line. Enjoy your drive. Enjoy your family visit & your new puppy. Happy Birthday!