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Simpleton21's picture

I am really curious about other's opinions on this scenario...Okay, here it goes. We buy bottled water at the house for everyone to drink. SO gets really irritated by 1/2 drank water bottles laying around and no one claiming them because it is a waste. I obviously agree. We started making the kids write their initials on the bottles because of course they never admit which one did it. We seem to go through water really fast when SD is there. I don't care if she is drinking the water that is why we have it but I thought it was a bit odd that they seemed to go so quickly when she was there. SO is constantly on my BS when he opens one and leaves another without finishing his previous one. I am okay with him getting on BS about this because I agree. We usually put the one he didn't finish back in the fridge and make him drink it when he is ready for another one. Well anytime there is a mystery bottle left out that no one put initials on SD makes a point to say it isn't hers and she drinks all hers (IMO this is her way of proclaiming she is better than my son and wouldn't do it). I could be wrong in my assumption but since she is constantly trying to compete with my son on everything that is how I feel about her saying that.

Anyways, the other day I lost my CC and I was searching EVERYWHERE for it, I remembered that SD had stolen my mascara before and put it in her top drawer of her dresser. I really didn't think that she would take my CC but took a glimpse in her top drawer anyways. The CC was definitely not in her dresser but there was a graveyard of 1/2 drank least 7 of them that she was hiding in there. SD barely ever gets reprimanded, we aren't abusive in any way, so I cannot figure out what her reasoning was for hiding them. Of course when SO confronted her about it she had no excuse/reason either. The only thing we would have done is told her to drink them and not be wasteful. It is just bizarre IMO but she does a lot of weird things. I just want to see what other SMs think about this. I kind of think she may have been doing that to keep up her "I'm the good kid and BS is the bad kid image" but it was just water. Not like my kid got in severe trouble when he didn't drink the whole water. He just had to drink it the next time he wanted one. SO made her combine them and drink them which leads me to the other weird part. She chose to combine them all and drink all 3 that it turned into before I got home. Why before I got home? Did SO let her slip with this crap too and really empty them and not make her drink them?!? I sure the hell hope not...just to irritate me?!? A mental problem?!?! To get to me?!?! I don't see how she would think that would get to me though...any thoughts on this matter are appreciated!

I should also note that she is always sneaky with stuff at our house for some reason. Another example - she made a mess with her slime, cleaned it up with my clean bath towels and then shoved them back into the clean pile, why?!?! Why not just put them in the hamper?!?! Of course I knew it was her since it was blue slime and she was the only one with blue slime! The first item on her Christmas list was a trash can with a lid for her room (she is 10). I immediately found that request to be suspect....but not guilty daddeetz! What 10 year old asks for that for Christmas?!?!


BethAnne's picture

This is what I would do:
1. Buy a water filter jug for the fridge. Then there will be no more bottle of water lying around the house.
2. Let your husband deal with sd and her hiding things. Kids get things out of proportion and perhaps at her mom’s house she would get into trouble for making a mess. If she makes a mess in front of you then help her to work out how to clear it up herself. If you discover her hiding things or covering up messes then get your husband to talk her through how she should have handled it. If it continues then encourage him to give her some consequences for covering things up and praise when she cleans things up herself or lets an adult know about a mess at an appropriate time.

Simpleton21's picture

I like the filtered water jug idea. That would def eliminate the water bottle issue. I have disengaged to a certain degree with SD since I found this wonderful site, lol! I don't think that she gets in trouble at her mom's for things like that although I could be wrong. BM is the one constantly reinforcing coddling her and not giving her responsibilities though so I really don't think that is why. SO did address the mess issue with her. I have also told her that if she makes a mess it is okay and to just let us know if she needs help but covering it up and putting dirty towels back in with my clean towels is not acceptable. SO is a bit of a guilty daddy that never seems to see the issue with anything SD is doing and rarely gives her actual consequences. I have addressed this with HIM because that is all on him and told him that he needs to start parenting her.

momjeans's picture

You need to invest in a tap filter, or a filtered water pitcher. Plus... all that plastic. Don’t get me wrong, I think bottled waters have their place, but not in everyday home life.

Put an end to Waterbottlegate. It will make life a whole lot less stressful.

Cover1W's picture

Unless your DH is on board there's no way to solve this.

Personally, in your situation I would end the purchase of individual bottles for everyone. Buy gallons or the 3-gallon containers if you must, then everyone can use regular glasses or re-usable containers and less waste. Then, if all the glasses disappear into SDs room (and they likely will) make sure your DH retrieves them every time.

I've stopped buying some things for the household that disappeared. I just don't do it any longer. If DH wants it he can buy it.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Nope. I think you've had just the right amount... That might be the most valid solution }:)

Simpleton21's picture

Hahahaha! Yes, Aniki, I am about ready to waterboard him because it is definitely on him as well. I will say that after joining this site and reading Stepmonster I have been on SO big time about actually parenting his little precious snowflake. It will take time because he has been in lala land for so long but he has been taking me seriously and addressing things...I just get tired of having to point the things out that need addressing! I guess when you finally snap and tell them to pack up their stuff and the skids and get out they know you mean business....hmmmmmmm.....

Cover1W's picture

LOL. Thursdays.

I've had LOTS of ongoing issues with SDs, esp. SD14 with messes (DH is messy too) and constant issues and trying to fix it and DH being no help so I just gave up - unless it's in MY living space or it effects my stuff.

I've had the dirty towels AND sheets stuffed back into the linen closet. WHY?! The laundry room is right next to it...dirty sheets? Either wash them or properly put them into the laundry bin. This is apparently NOT an option for anyone in the house but me.

So. I've stopped asking. I don't do anyone's towels in the house except for those in the master bath/kitchen towels. They can stack up and everyone else can be using filthy towels but not my issue. The laundry room is open for anyone to use and instructions are posted on the cupboard door.

If I find dirty linens stuffed into linen closet, they are take out, washed and donated to charity. No questions, no follow up. Discussed to death and even DH didn't understand what the issue was. :sick:

Simpleton21's picture

It is really more the sneaky behavior that bothers me. Especially since SO is OBLIVIOUS to it and always acting like SD doesn't intentionally do things or isn't ever manipulative.

I mostly disengage with SD and refer her to dadeetz (her super annoying nickname for him). However, with the towels I was pissed because that was in my personal space. SO addressed it but basically in his usual soft, gentle talking to, no consequence for actions way. I decided that I would address that incident also. I asked her if she would do something like that at her mother's house..her answer was no...I asked her if she felt like it was an appropriate thing to do...again answer of no and then I even asked her if she was afraid of me because by hiding things and acting that way it seemed like she was....again a no. I said, "okay, good, you shouldn't be afraid to talk to me, now lets go to the laundry room and you can learn how to clean up your mess!" LOL! Since SD isn't with us full time she doesn't have a lot of sheets or even keep spare clothes at our house so I never really have to do her laundry. I make SO take care of her sheets. SO is more of a clean freak than me so I let him handle most of her messes!

Aniki's picture

Templeton, so many dads are NCPs and that translates into "Disney Dad". I know my DH was worried the boys would hate him and not want to come to his house if he made them do chores. Had he and 'Ho remained married, you can better your bottom dollar they would have been doing chores!! Anyhoo, he finally realized (thanks to me using 853 ways to approach the subject AND my inside info) that the boys HATED being at the 'Ho House and would have come to DH's house simply to escape 'Ho and Spawn! I don't know if DH was THAT freakin' blind to what a bloody twunt 'Ho was/is, or if she intensified after they split.

It took me disengaging in a variety of ways to maintain my sanity. Things I did:

* Stopped doing skid laundry (specifically, PigPen's). PP had to take his poop-laden skivvies home to 'Ho.
* Stopped cooking family meals on skid weekends. DH had to feed them.
* Stopped buying goodies prior to skid weekends. Otherwise, the skids would eat it - including MY stuff.
* No longer ate with them at dinner. PrincASS had atrocious table manners and PigPen... well, ick.
* Stopped reminding them to clean up or cleaning up after them. DH had to remind them or do clean-up. Once he tired of it, he made sure they did it!

I still did/do things with DH and the skids on occasion, but I concentrate on enjoying the activity.

Simpleton21's picture

You are so right! With my SO I think it is a combo of fear that his daughter won't like coming over if we enforce rules/chores/etc. b/c BM doesn't and b/c BM is super crazy and manipulative and been manipulating him for years by basically telling him he is a bad dad whenever he doesn't go with what BM wants and making threats of going to court if/when he doesn't follow BM's orders/wants/etc. I know BM doesn't expect SD to do chores b/c SD told me that she used to do chores but she didn't like them so she quit! Wow! Also, I did make SD do a chore (once) and BM flipped out. I had SD and BS both go out and pick up dog pooh b/c they both said that if we got a dog that they would do all the work and that is part of it. Of course when she returned to BM she tattled about it and BM sent a long crazy message about how his fiance needed to treat SD the same as her children! I just laughed in his face when he told me that and told him - "BM doesn't want me to treat SD like I do my son - that is exactly what I just did. I made SD be responsible for the dog that she said she would be responsible for and BM is upset. My son was out there picking it up as well!"

I am basically at your level of disengagement now. I don't ever do SD's laundry. We send that back to BM. SO does her sheets/etc. I am implementing the no goodies/snacks this weekend actually b/c SD does the same thing and SO doesn't put a stop to it. She will ravish through every sweet in the house that is supposed to last at least a week and then my family gets nothing. SO doesn't help with the goodie area at all he almost in a sick way encourages the freaking goodies! Last time it was my vanilla wafers. I buy them b/c NO ONE likes them but they were the only sweet thing the last time she was there and SO kept insisting she try them and then even taking her handfuls to her room like she was going to starve (she is pudgy and she is surely not missing out on food). It was sickening but I didn't even know how to approach my concern with him on that one without him getting super defensive (girls/food/weight - not a subject I am getting caught up in with SD - def disaster in the waiting). I am actually about to enforce eating dinner at the table as a family but only because I am pretty sure that SD goes into the bathroom and throws away her food so she can be rewarded with her treat after eating :sick: Of course, I don't have concrete evidence on that either but if I did I would tell SO. I think that b/c she has been eating in her room lately and it is across from the bathroom which is all a clear view from my seat in our living room. Our dog has been going in there and chewing up tissues (new thing and always after SD leaves)...I noticed last night after she got her food she went to the bathroom and wasn't in there long enough to go to the bathroom and didn't even flush...My theory is she had food in her mouth and put it in a tissue and in the trash and that is why the dog is finding the tissues and eating parts of them. He never did this before and again...only when she is there. However, I know without any real evidence (and I could be wrong) that I will get backlash if I present my theory. Therefore, we will be having some nice sit down dinners together (until I can't stand that any longer)! LOL!

Simpleton21's picture

LOL, after witnessed him insisting that she try them and then constantly taking her more (without her even asking) I about barfed! I'm surprised he didn't chew them up and spit them in her mouth for her! Gross!

So anyways, yes, I do hide things from him as well now. I also just informed him that I am no longer buying sweets for the house other than fruit (of course I can still by my treats and hide them in my purse). The food issue is a major one at my place. I don't know if you saw my response in another blog but this is the same SD that tried to have dadeetz save the last pop tart for when she was going to visit next (like 3 days later)....luckily SO ate that damn pop tart before she visited again or I would have out of spite and I don't even like them that much! LOL

Aniki's picture

That was on one of my blogs!! LOL
And I said...
But I'm sure it's a limited-edition pop tart that cannot be purchased until there is a month with 2 full moons and the pansexual high priestess sacrifices a black widow spider AND stirs a pumpkin spice latte with an original light saber from the 1977 Star Wars movie!!!

queensway's picture

If this is the last thing I read today I will go to sleep laughing. This is priceless Aniki. You have a true gift my dear for writing.

Aniki's picture

Aw, thanks, queensway! I often say that laughter is the best medicine (Readers Digest!). Biggrin

Simpleton21's picture

LMAO, well not only are you funny Aniki but you also have a great memory! I like that! }:)

I'm going to the store tonight and it is our weekend to have SD....guess what I am NOT buying Wink

Simpleton21's picture

Hahaha, good question! I usually have a good memory but some of these stories on here blend together b/c of similarities. I do enjoy your comments!

advice.only2's picture

She knows she's breaking the rules that's why she hides the stuff, she never gets called out on it, so that's why it continues.

Personally I would do away with all the plastic and invest in either a filtering jug or just out of the tap if the water doesn't taste too horrible or is toxic. If they want a "water bottle" you can buy the refillable kind and let then pick out the one they you will always know whose is whose.

Simpleton21's picture

I think you are right on that. I think she is getting mad too that I am constantly bringing things to SO's attention and making him call her out on these things after she has been getting away with it for so long.

I agree with everyone on the doing away with water bottles. That wasn't the part I wanted advice on but I do appreciate it!

ESMOD's picture

I agree with the advice to buy larger bottles or even maybe get a water service that delivers 5 gallon jugs.

I am puzzled too regarding the "hidden bottles".. I mean, how difficult would it be for her to just dump out the half empty bottles. That's what I would do if I knew I would get crap for not finishing

On a side note, this must be typical skid behavior. i always had to go on drink patrol after my SD's left. I also had to check the back of my car for half drank drinks or even unopened ones. (had a coke explode in the back seat and had to have upholstery cleaned).

Even the SD's realize they are bad with this.. even as adults to this day when it is their own dime paying for drinks. We were on a trip with YSD a while back and she actually finished the whole thing. She proudly pointed it out and I said... dryly.. "Ohh must be a Christmas Miracle in July".. she laughed. Honestly, it was an aggravation, but I never took it as a real personal thing. Their dad would just put the drinks in the fridge and drink them himself.. yuck for me.. but whatever if he wanted to do that.. mkay. They weren't doing it to hurt me.. just was a mental

Simpleton21's picture

LMAO, ESMOD, she doesn't just do that because that would be logical! She lacks logic in a lot of regards. I am guessing because she has basically everything done for her by mommy and daddy so she doesn't need it!

It isn't really the water bottles that I wanted advice on. It is the sneaky behavior. I myself am bad with the water bottles sometimes too. I will be investing in a filtered water system Smile SO is the one that is really bothered by the 1/2 drank waters.

Cover1W's picture

Yes, but it's very difficult as a SM, unless your DH is on top of it right along side you and supporting you AND also checking on his own, to change a SD/SS behavior. You have to focus on what you CAN change - and often that's environmental or your actions rather than the SD/SS.

Simpleton21's picture

I agree 100%! I have been working on changing my responses to things and sometimes I just say things to call SD out and make SO aware when he is playing oblivious! I also told him that he needs to support me and not undermine me in front of his child which he has done and that is a way to ROYALLY piss me off!

justmakingthebest's picture

I am just chuckling at this because I thought my house was where water bottles go do die. Every time I look under any of the kids (bio's and steps) there are dozens. They are all over the house and it drives us crazy. I don't have an answer but I can totally relate!!

Simpleton21's picture

Yep, water graveyards everywhere! My son is bad about it also but he isn't sneaky about it. The sneaky part is my issue!

At least now you have some advice on the water bottles as well. I can't believe I didn't even think of eliminating the individual bottles before. Of course I did just find out that she was lying about them and hiding them....

mommadukes2015's picture

I think the buy the large bottles is a good idea. Cuts down on plastic waste too. Plus then you don't have to deal with that pesky bottle return.

Anyway, and this is just a thought, I recently started taking online parenting classes to try to help my BD with her behavior at home. I have actually learned a LOT.

One of the things I learned is that all behavior has a purpose. What stood out to me in your blog is that you perceive that SD is competing with your BS. I'm not going to pretend to be a expert in anything in the parenting realm, but I want to share this tid bit of information I inadvertently found helpful. Because like your SD my SS has a tendency to put down my BD.

They suggest something called "Mind Body and Soul Time" which sounds totally, hippy dippy wonky-ness. But what it is, is 10 minutes per day where you give the child 10 minutes of your undivided attention doing whatever they want to do, and focus fully on them. Now the STalk Disengage Tribe will probably have an aneurism over this but it's worked for me, is that I started doing Hippy Dippy time with both my BD and my SS. I'll be damned 2 weeks into this and their competitive/attention seeking/ problematic behavior has seriously reduced. It's not eliminated but in the evening when it's just them to me, is much more calm and enjoyable and I'm starting to notice more changes in their behavior that wasn't even a targeted concern for me.

I know SD isn't your kid, and all signs will point to disengagement on the grounds of the sneaky behavior, BUT perhaps these issues are paradoxical in nature and instead of withdrawing attention, we provide positive attention, in little doses and see what happens. I mean it's just 10 minutes-maybe try it with her and see if her behavior in regard to making herself seem better than your BS stops.

Simpleton21's picture

Well luckily my mom was a bit of a hippy dippy wonky type person so this idea isn't to bizarre to me. I appreciate the advice. Honestly, I struggle with disengaging and so this makes sense. It doesn't hurt to try. I know that I am not perfect and I truly believe a lot of the turmoil comes from SD feeling like she has to compete with BS for attention. I actually feel like she feels the need to compete with me as well. I do understand why she probably feels that way. BS and I get more time with her dad (even though it isn't our fault she doesn't see it that way). I am all about self help books and finding solutions. I have in the past tried to spend 1 on 1 time with her but of course that flipped crazy HCBM over the edge so I backed off.

Thank you for the advice. I don't know if I can stand 10 solid minutes with her though but I'll try it out and see...

I took a parenting class before also and it was based on the book "Parenting with Love and Logic" - I thought about mailing a copy of that to BM for Christmas Blum 3 It is actually a good self help book and you can apply the principles to annoying co-workers as well!

mommadukes2015's picture

Perhaps then, the key is making your SO do MBST time with the kids too.

My SO thought I had finally jumped off the deep end when DCP was getting to me a few weeks ago. It turns out, introspection is a pretty nifty skill. Do I think she's a nutter? Sure do. Do I think she's completely wrong with all her suggestions? No. Do I hate the way she approaches me with her suggestions? Totally. But it doesn't negate the fact that I had a gut feeling she might be onto something, even if that something meant I had to change. Long story short-he was totally against the parenting webinars I signed up for...UNITL....he started seeing how quickly things were changing between me and the kids. Now he wants in on the action too. So I write down weekly "Mommy and Daddy" goals from the webinars on my planning board and he participates too. But the trick was, I had to do it first, so even if you don't keep up with MBST with SD, it might be a way to open the door to what she really wants, which is her dad's undivided attention for a little while.

And as far as HCBM is concerned, some of them are so bad you can't ignore them, sometimes you simply just have to do what you have to do to get them to back off of you so I totally get that.

And I feel like I could have used a whole separate webinar to deal with my HC-Coworkers at my last job. I now work from emotional peace because I don't know what it is about 40 something women in an office but HOT DAMN. High school was easier...

You'll have to keep me posted on how all this goes for you Smile Good luck!

Simpleton21's picture

I think you are right. I think initially he gets upset and is in denial when I address some things but it brings them to light and he gets it later. If I do change my approach and he sees it is working I think that would be a good way to show him! SD definitely wants his undivided attention. I give them alone time b/c I love to be away from her attention seeking.

HCBM was VERY unbearable and hard to ignore for the first 4 years of our relationship. I did finally just tell SO to not tell me anything or include me in anything that has to do with her anymore. Recently she got a new bf so she has done a 360 but after the years of hell I don't trust it. I think once this one gets comfy (like the last) the real HCBM will be back...if not sooner!

OMG, no kidding on HC - coworkers...I don't think it is 40 something women. I think it is a lot of women of all ages that act crazy and like they are still in HS at work! I will never understand wanting to tear another woman down rather than building her up! I am the type of woman that wants others to succeed and will help if I can!

I will let you know how it goes for sure!

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

I think her hiding them was just her being lazy more than her being sneaky. If she were being sneaky about it she'd just dump out the rest before getting another. I think your son leaving half of a bottle behind is lazy also.

I'm not attacking either. I'm lazy too. I'll have 3 bottles on my night stand because I'll bring one to bed and after a day I'll forget it's there and bring another. Then another.

SO's kids are the same way. They will have a drink at dinner and leave it half finished. Then before bed they will want something and will grab one out of the fridge till Sunday before they leave I'm looking around and realize there's at least 8 half drank drinks between the living room and bedroom.

If your worried about waste I'd look into a water filter either on the sink or in the fridge instead of bottles. Bottles make it easier to waste because you just grab one from the fridge whenever. You can get each person a refillable water bottle. If a filter wont work look into gallons of water or the water dispenser that you can get the BIG jugs for.

Simpleton21's picture

Her being lazy could be the exact reason. She is definitely lazy! I agree that my son is as well. He isn't a special snowflake so I am not offended by you saying that! I am also lazy with them and have a few in my car (I make the excuse that in an emergency breaks down/ least I will have water)! LOL

SO is really the one that goes crazy over the bottles. I just put them back in the fridge and make them drink them! LOL! What I really wanted was opinions on why she would be sneaky about it. It just seems very odd to me!

secret's picture

Go to him with facts.

Count the water bottles left out when it's just your BS there, as compared to when SD is there.

My kids would do this too when they were that age. I stopped buying the bottles... then they just do it with cups. So... they all had a cup that was theirs and that was THAT.

I don't have that issue anymore though, it's been a few years.

Simpleton21's picture

Good idea since she is always claiming that none of them are hers...although I believe that the ones in the living room weren't hers since she was hoarding them all away in her dresser. I have been learning slowly that when SO is presented with facts like that he gets less defensive and it makes communicating about and working on the problems easier.

WalkOnBy's picture

When my skids did the leave the half empty water bottle somewhere and then grab a new one only to leave that half full somewhere else, I just stopped buying it.

Problem solved!!

Simpleton21's picture

Oh, I'm definitely switching out the water bottles now. I was just more interested in finding out why she would be hiding them. Just leaving them in her room is one thing but to take the time to hide them seemed there is a reason but no logical reason that I can come up with!

CLove's picture

LOL. The hiding of things. I remember, and it wasnt THAT long ago when this was happening to us as well. Winona was then around 16 ish when it started happening. She would take food and dishes into her room, and get yelled at when there were like 5 coffee mugs and 3 water glasses and 2 bowls all gathering mold. So, she took to hiding the dishes, figuring we wouldnt miss them. It was weird to find old food bowls in her room, and my SO was rather crestfallen that she had gone so feral.

The last thing we found while I was cleaning with Munchkin that she had hidden, was an empty whiskey bottle and highball glass.

The lies and sneaky behavior WOULD and SHOULD alarm you. It does not get better. It gets worse as they get older. She is still young enough to teach. To correct. I am no child psychologist, so I do not know how to proceed. But I saw how things went down - no accountability will lead to an increase in this negative behavior.

Did you ever find your credit card?

Simpleton21's picture

Yeah the sneaking is more my concern than wasting the water. She is only 10 and starting this crap and she doesn't even get yelled at for it (no accountability) but also since she doesn't really get yelled at or punished why hide it?!?! The dishes hasn't started yet but I have found empty bags of chips and candy wrappers in her closet...she is well on her way to moldy dishes if it doesn't get addressed!

I'm just blown away that SO doesn't even seem slightly concerned with her lies and sneaky behavior - if my son was doing that I would be concerned and figuring out why and working on teaching him better. I don't know how to handle it either but again if it was my kid I would be seeking professional help.

Nope, I didn't find it! Luckily it wasn't my debit card so I just called and cancelled it and had a new one sent out. There were no charges on it that weren't mine so I think I probably lost it at home...and after the mascara incident that SO was also completely in denial over until BM told him that SD had taken her mascara as well I do not trust SD to be near anything of mine!

Cover1W's picture

There's a reason I had to put locks on several cabinets in the laundry room...and one time had a lock on my makeup box (when we had to share a bathroom)...and the problem isn't always the SDs, but also DH saying "Meh, no big deal." even after he knew they were taking things w/out asking. Things that were mine or for the house and I needed.

SD14 doesn't necessarily hide things but her room is close to a hoard. She has a dresser but it's full of unused junk, literally some trash too and there's trash under her bed and in the back of her closet. DH sometimes asks her if she brought up all the dishes (accumulated after 5 days) and takes "yes" for an answer w/out checking. And if her room needs to be cleaned, well, he "helps" - i.e. he does it but doesn't clean out drawers or the closet or under the bed. So it's never really clean. And yes, it's starting to smell, but will not be my problem - DH knows he's on the hook for any repairs or bug infestations since he won't let me deal with it. Even though yes, it's part of my house. Maddening - simply maddening.

CLove's picture

Thats what happened the time from 15-18 - SO would have a shouting match about cleaning her bedroom. She would go off in a huff to TBM's for her days, and then SO would get the trash bags out. He cleaned and it was manageable. During her times with us, her room was so incredibly stinky that when SO took the door off as punishment, I begged for him to put it back on because it was so incredibly bad.

Cover - she will be 18, and then you get to reclaim your stuff. For whatever reason, SD's always seem to think anything in the house is fair game, because guess what? "They were here first". LOL. "This was their house first". AT this point Im like, "whatever, I am here now".

Cover1W's picture

BUT, DH and I bought the house and moved in with SDs! And guess who owns majority equity...yep, Cover!

She does what she wants because DH undermines me.

I cannot ever give suggestions, I just told SD to do something easy, she's done many times before, and DH runs over to her and does it, telling me "I'll do it for her!" I walked out in disgust.

Simpleton21's picture

Thankfully SD was not in our home first. We just got a house together 2 years ago. New to everyone. Also, thankfully my dad is the one that helped us (due to unfortunate financial problems from my previous relationship). Therefore, SO knows that I am DEAD serious when I say he can just pack his stuff and SD's stuff and get the hell out. I have nothing to lose at this point and he has plenty to lose. Not that I like threatening him but I need him to know I am serious about these issues and it HAS to change!

Acratopotes's picture

I stopped reading when I came to..... DH is all over my son for doing this.....

WTFH.... DH can teach your son and you allow it, while DH can't teach his own daughter and you are not allowed to do so?

No way in hell would that happen in my house, I told SO allot of times, stop trying to parent my son, start parenting your own effing kid..
no way in hell will my son be in trouble while it's the Princess doing it, oh dear... I need to go and smoke now to calm down

Simpleton21's picture

This is the exact reason that we have had so many HUGE fights! I have pointed out to SO MULTIPLE times that he needs to parent his daughter the same as he does my son. I have no problems when my son is being reprimanded and redirected but my MAJOR problem is him not doing the same with his princass! Recently, SO was upset that my son has an attitude with SD. I told him that while I don't agree with my son being rude to people I COMPLETELY understand why he doesn't like SD. He watches SD get away with everything while he can't. My son is also a very reserved/skeptical child...he will not open up to you until he knows you well and if he sees traits in someone he doesn't like (lying/stealing/tattling/etc./etc.) he will just cut that person off and that is what happened here. In the beginning the kids got along pretty well but after SD's constant attempts to throw shade my son's way he decided not to associate with her anymore. I told SO no way am I going to force him to hang out with her or like her just b/c we are together. In this case I will cut SO a little slack b/c he didn't know she was hoarding away the water bottles and lying about it.

Sorry I stressed you into a smoke break with that! This is why I haven't quit yet....However, it is 2018 and yet again I will be trying to quit but I also decided that 2018 is the year of CHANGE!!!!

Acratopotes's picture

This post of yours was very close to home lol, and NO as long as I have SO and the brat in my life I will not be able to quit smoking,

I made it clear to SO after about 7 years, you will not parent my son, you can talk to me and I will talk to him (this was SO's rule with his brat)
Every time SO called my son to do something - I stopped my son and said, NO, you will ignore it and keep on doing what you are doing, ..

First SO got very upset cause Deigma is ignoring him and I simply said, Oh crow up would ya, Aergia ignores me and do you see me nagging you....

It was simply things, Aergia's dishes, Aergia's dogs needed water, things he could've told her to do...

The kids use to get along as well, but at a stage Deigma refused even talking to her, he's 3 years older then her, he ignored her completely, things went better when I moved out, and Deigma ignores SO completely as well, he will say hello and bey but that's that. SO is very upset cause they where like father and son and did allot of things together, SO complained and I said, well the kid is 21, an adult, sort it out with him and not with me... they did have a talk the other day and Deigma said, You never parented your daughter, you have no clue what she's doing and how bad her name is in town, I'm sorry but I will not be around people with a bad rap, SO asked him what stories etc, Deigma simply said, not for me to tell Sir, it's for you to start listening to people talking and to start parenting her,

Simpleton21's picture

Ha, that is how I feel about smoking also but I want to quit b/c I want to be healthy! It is definitely harder when SD is there!

The only reason I don't mind him parenting my son is because he isn't doing it in a mean or hateful way and he does teach him things that he needs to learn. If he does do something I don't agree with I let him know IMMEDIATELY! My son and him actually have a good relationship b/c my son's dad isn't really in the picture right now. The only time they don't have a good relationship is when SD is there and starts her competing/tattling/manipulation crap. SO has been a lot better about parenting his daughter when I say something....but that annoys me...I shouldn't have to say something he should just be on it like he is with my kid!

My son used to get along with SD as well but being thrown under the bus and watching her get away with everything has caused him to want nothing to do with her and I don't blame him one bit and won't force him to hang out with her. He even told me, "It is SO's fault that I don't like SD, if he would just parent her like he does me it would be different!"...he is 10 and sees it! I told SO exactly what he said too! Still didn't click with SO!

TwoOfUs's picture

My skids used to be terrible about taking a couple sips of a drink, walking away from it still 2/3 full....and then opening something new 30 minutes later.

I remember my first vacation with them...before we were even married. It was DH's aunt's beach condo, so he provided lodging and gas, I offered to be responsible for groceries...meals, drinks, snacks. When we got there, I went to the store and bought everything I'd need for the entire week...because I didn't want to go back again...who wants to spend their vacation grocery shopping? That was in the late afternoon the day we got there.

By the end of the next day, about half of the drinks I'd bought for the entire week were gone. Or, to be more specific...half of the sodas. There was still plenty of water. I brought it to DH's attention and he just got upset and frustrated with me. They're just KIDS having a good time!

Um...OK. But they're drinking two sips and throwing the rest away. That's rude and wasteful.

I just told him (and them) that I'd already spent what I had budgeted for food and drinks, so once the soda was gone, it was gone. I didn't care if they drank 2 a day, like I'd calculated...or drank 2 sips out of 5 or 6 a day and threw the rest away. I wasn't buying any more.

DH thought that was just so, so mean. They were on VACATION and they were just little KIDS!!!!

Oh well. My money, my rules.

Simpleton21's picture

I agree with you 100%. My SO only thinks I'm being mean if he feels SD is being slighted. I quit buying 12pks of coke for this reason - I will admit that my son is guilty of this as well. The last time I bought a 12pk of coke I told the kids they could each have 1 at dinner and that was it and the rest were for the adults. I also stated kids don't really need soda b/c it is really bad for them (and us). It is something I am constantly trying to cut out b/c of that but get cravings for and cave. He was like, "Well we are being hypocrites telling them it is bad and they can't have it but we can" want to go ahead and let them smoke also b/c we do that and not letting them would be hypocritical!?!? Plus I guarantee it was only mean b/c his princess was there. If it was just my kid and our mutual kid (3- doesn't get soda) there I doubt he would have objected. Also, we are the parents! It doesn't matter if the kids don't think it is fair or if it is hypocritical! We are in charge! Not them and life isn't fair! The sooner you learn that the better!

Good for you on telling them that is all you budgeted for and when it is gone, oh well! Hell yeah!