OK, I'm totally confused on what to do....
Here's the situation.....BS11 is grounded from the pc through the week, but gets 1/2 hour on Saturdays and Sundays until he brings his grades back up. He was totally grounded from the pc, but has been slowly bringing his grades up, so we have been slowly giving him back some privileges. SD15 is also grounded from the pc until Dec.31st and can not get her drivers permit until Feb. 17th (was able to get it Dec. 17th) because she broke 2 house rules, 1 promise, and lost our trust in her atm. (I have another blog explaining exactly what she did, "Were DH & I to harsh?" if you feel like reading it to get some more background on the situation)SD15 leaves Saturday to go visit with BM for a week and will be back the 27th. Originally DH & I were going to get SD15 a cell phone for Christmas(b/c she says she just has to have one), BS11 was gonna get an MP3 player, and SD12 (who lives with BM in another state) was going to get laptop with a webcam. We bought the laptop off e-bay for $70...which is the amount we were going to spend on SD15's cell phone (including airtime) and BS11's MP3 player. Well, when SD15 found out that SD12 was getting a laptop and she wasn't....all hell broke lose. "why does she get one and I don't? you guys weren't gonna spend that much on me & BS11 for our gifts. blah, blah, blah" So DH & I searched e-bay and found 1 more laptop and a desktop pc at a price we could afford and that was close to what we spent on SD12's. So now all 3 kids are getting their own computers. Now here's where the twist comes in....2 out of the 3 kids are grounded from using the pc (well BS11 can on weekends but that's it). And the reason why SD15's grounding from the pc goes until Dec.31st is b/c she will be spending next week with BM, who doesn't know SD15 is not allowed on the pc.
So here's my problem....DH & I got into a small argument last night about this. SD15's laptop arrived last night and she was so excited, b/c she said that she can't wait to get back from BM's to use it. I said well ummm....remember you're grounded from using the computer. Her reply "you guys are not fair." Then DH kind of flips out on me and says " I planned on letting both BS11 & SD15 off grounding when SD15 gets back, so they could use their Christmas gifts. B/C it wouldn't be fair to say here is your gift, but you can't use it yet." I said "OK, first of all I didn't know that was your plan and second, how it that fair to BS11 who will be still grounded next week (his first week of Christmas break) and SD15 is off with BM & won't be?" DH's response "I can't control what SD15 does when she is with BM." I guess he is forgetting about the new court order giving him custody of SD15 and BM has to do what DH says when it comes to SD15. So, yeah he can. But he refuses to tell BM what SD15 did and that she is grounded.
So here's my question....Should I or DH tell BM that SD15 is grounded from the pc and that we would appreciate it if BM followed through with it while SD15 is with her next week? OR Should DH & I just forget about both of their punishments due to it being Christmas?
I want to tell BM, b/c if BS11 still has to be grounded next week....then it is only fair that we notify BM about SD15 being grounded and ask that BM enforce it there too. (and FYI, we have had to enforce punishments @ our home in the past that BM gave the Skids and both homes have the same rules to follow so that there is no break & it doesn't feel like the Skids are on vacation) Dh says that b/c it's Christmas we should let them off....but he also said that BS11 then goes right back to being ground from the pc through the week until his grades come up. So if BS11 has to go back to being grounded then so should SD15, if we let them off for Christmas break. Right? Someone please give me some advice on how to handle this???