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Karma baby

secret's picture

Timeline of events:

I filed for child tax benefits going forward.

BM received a letter indicating that she would be receiving half the child tax benefits she's currently receiving, going forward.

BM threw a fit.

I sent in a copy of their well as a copy of all the email back and forth....which happens to include multiple references of ss being here half the time (and more) since 2016 

My application was not only approved going forward.....but also approved retro 3 years. 

She received another letter telling her they were going retro for 3 years based on the information they have, and that she will owe them what was overpaid to her...and she's being audited.

She owes just over 14,000$....which is the 50% she got for time he was in my home.

I received just over 9,000$....which is the amount our home is entitled to for the 50% he was in our home.

DH, IDIOT, may have mentioned to her that we received $9k... because she's now demanded that our 9k pay off her 9k off her debt, and that we should split the payment of the remaining 5k owed because it's 50/50.

The payment came to Me, since only one parent in the home gets it...and I already get it for my own kids... dh is now demanding the money.

Somehow, I'm the only one whose mind it crosses that this isn't free money....this is a reimbursement to me of the costs I incurred over the last few years for ss's care.... and that going forward, it's added to the household budget.

I'm willing to concede the difference in payment amounts between 3 kids and 4 kids to be placed in an account for ss.... which is dh compromise...on the condition that the other funds are also removed from the household budget and split between my own kids accounts....resulting in a deficit to the household budget that will need to be filled by both dh and I incurring additional costs.

Dh seems to think that only ss's share shouldn't be used for household funds...but that my kids share is fair game. I said no. 

Dh has no access to my bank account, in which these funds are deposited.

Am I wrong?



tog redux's picture

I'm confused - stepparents are able to file for child tax benefits without the bio parent's knowledge? Do you and DH file jointly? And isn't DH incurring costs for SS as well in your home?

It clearly shouldn't go to BM, but yes, DH should decide how the part for SS is used - assuming it's his tax money too that's being reimbursed. 

ESMOD's picture

I think Secret filed the joint return for herself and her DH... her account is being used for direct deposit (I do the same)

secret's picture

It's not his tax money being reimbursed.

It's a retro payment from the government that is freely given to parents to help raise kids, based on the total household income.

Our household paid out for 4 kids at 50% while receiving payment for only 3 at 50%

BM paid out for 1 at 50% while receiving payment for 1 at 100%.

I paid the 50% for the 4th kid while BM received the money from the government.

The 14k owed and 9k received is simply balancing it to be 4 kids at 50% for us, and 1 at 50% for her.


secret's picture

Petronella I agree....the parent should get it for their own child..... 

Flip side is.... mine is reduced because I'm married, cra assumes the spouse also contributes to support. So... my kids benefit is based on my income plus his income even if his income doesn't get used to support my kids. So stupid.

So I get it..  it's based on BOTH adults and their combined earnings...for all kids.... one payment...and generally to the parent already receiving some.

Monkeysee's picture

I don’t think I’ll ever understand this double standard of ‘this is ok for me & my kid, but not for you & yours’. I just can’t understand how people’s minds work.

Also, WHY would he tell BM about the money? Is he trying to stir up drama? Why on earth would it be used to pay her debt? That woman is nuts. I like the way you’re handling this, logically and without emotion. Keep it up!

shamds's picture

Because between current sane wife and psycho high conflict fraudulent ex wife, keeping exwife out of the way is more important than caring for current wife for what she has had to do for their kid!! You’ve actually spent money to care for him and this is his bio mum and dads job only, not yours!!

secret's picture

Probably.... because she's been insane the entire time dh and I have been together.

Except it wouldn't shut her would show her how far she needs to push to get her way...just like a toddler.... so she'll be treated like a toddler.... with a hard no and ignoring if tantrum lol

Harry's picture

He more concerned for BM then you and your family.  And talking to BM about your house hole moneys. Ect.  That just too much information and too much talking to BM 

secret's picture

He's not always the smartest.

I can't "not spend on ss".... it's limited.

Everyone's needs are met in the home. I have a household budget that covers that. Includes general food stuff...toiletries...etc.

Individual things, special items, activities...are paid for individually. Generally. Dh tends to stick to the basics....which is covered by the household basic. the money we've both put into it, including the CTB I get for my kids. 

I pay for extracurricular activities outside from the budget... my personal budget. I don't pay for ss's extras. Dh can't afford them. 

If he wants to use the extra funds for ss activities that is fine... but I will take out the money my kids ctb payment covers...for them.

No big deal....for me. Smile