1 for Mommy Dearest :(
MY DH and I are so disheartented...after meeting with our lawyer to determine best steps forward to deal with Mommy Dearest's (BM) threats regarding CS:
BM lost her roommate a few months ago and has been struggling with $$. That on top of realizing that CS will soon stop when SD turns 18 this coming September, BM is extorting DH for her own financial gain. SD who is currently 17 no longer attends school and lives with BM. She recently got kicked out of school and so far has not been going to the school recommended for her. She does not want to come live with DH and I even though she hates living with BM, because our home is not conducive to her lifestyle (she would have to go school if living with us, she would not be able to smoke weed and do whatever she wants and our home is too far from her friends).
DH had to cut off contact with BM back in the summer due to a number of harrassing texts and calls that were unrelated to SD. This was then followed by:
Threat#1: After more than 7 years , BM emailed DH requesting his notices of assessment for the past 3 years so that they can adjust CS payments and then threatened him with retroactive pay up to 7 years if he didn't comply with her request. Because the request came from her, he did not respond to her. Fast forward to September and DH receives an unprofessional email from BM's lawyer making threats about retroactive payments, threatening to garnish his wages (DH has always paid CS directly to BM and has never missed a payment, following his obligations per the agreement to the letter) and even going so far as to bring up DH's deceased son that has nothing to do with CS for SD.
Threat #2: Retroactive payments up to 3 years.
Action Taken: DH's notices of assessment for last 3 years were provided to BM's lawyer as requested. Because it wasn't stipulated in the CS agreement that DH and BM had to report their yearly earnings, DH continued to pay the agreed upon CS each month directly to BM. Our lawyer determined that yes, DH will have to pay additional CS since his earning have increased slightly (BM is on disability although no one seems to know what for).
Because earnings were not reported annually, DH will have to pay some kind of retroactive CS. We find this to be unfair, but understanding that when it comes to CS, the law will more than likely side with BM as unfair and unjust as that is. However, our lawyer will be consulting with a number of other legal counsels who specialize in this. He believes that the amount of retro can be reduced taking into account: a) she waited until 9 months left in CS to go after more; b) that she has had roommates for the past 7 years and being paid under the table by them and not reporting her extra income. We are requesting her notices of assessment for the past three years as well. We are hoping this will put a bit of scare into her.
We discussed putting the reduced retro CS into a trust for SD but we believe that that will only enrage BM because she is counting on that money going to herself (we all know that CS doesn't go towards SD but rather lines BM's pockets). Therefore we chose not to go that route.
Threat#3: Retroactive payments for CS for deceased SS when he lived with his mother for approximately 6 months when he was 17. He had previously been living with DH and I but after a short stint in rehab was not able to abide by minor house rules and chose to leave and ended up at BM's until she kicked him out 6 months later. Note SS passed away when he was 22 and had been living on his own before he turned 18.
Action Taken: Because Threat #3 isn't relevant, this will be taken off the table. When SS left our home and went back to BM's for that short period, it was the end of September. Because he was living with her at the end of the year, BM was able to claim him and receive a sizeable amount from the gov't for him (thousands of $$). She did not offer a dime of that to DH for the time he had him (January to September). This can be proven as well, so BM's lawyer will be informed of this.
Threat#4: To pay for her legal bills.
Action Taken: Absolutely not. She's the one who started this, so she can pay for her own legal bills.
We are also requesting that an end date be added to the new agreement stipulating that CS ends when SD turns 18 unless she is attending school full time (per the law).
I wish that the law worked in such a way that it took into account all factors with respect to CS and not just so one sided. It feels so unfair that DH always works his butt off to provide for others (he used to work two jobs to put food on the table and roof over SD, SS and BM's heads years ago while she decided to stop working and do nothing) doesn't seem to be able to catch a break where this miserable, narcassistic BM is concerned.
I would delay, drag it out, etc.
By taking actions that require BM to bare her own ass.
In the meantime I would engage to start direct payroll withholding to stop any chance BM can manipulate on SO's direct payment of CS.
I hope your DH has impeccable records and every detailed bank statement showing his payments to BM.
Im sure this is infuriating. 9more months.
Oh yes we have records of
Oh yes we have records of everything right down to her harrassing text messages from a couple of years ago. As well as texts from SD stating that the roommate was moving out.
Like I said, DH followed the agreement to the letter.
Good to hear.
Moron Judges can often go off the plot to reward a CP. We have had STalkers whose SOs paid every dime per a CO directly to the CP and when a CS review was ordered were found to not have paid and were nailed for arrears because they did not maintain adequate documentation.
I also have a former employee who over paid CS for many years and paid huge additional funds upon request and when his XW requested a CS review the Judge ruled his CS overpayments and huge additional cash injections in support of his child were "gifts" and then used the combined payments that my employee had provided to set a ridiculous new CS level. That situation got really interesting as years before the XW's new DH had given my emplpyee a sworn Affidavit regarding the XW when she had broken up with the new DH when they were dating. Lots of detail in the Affidavit on how the XW had lied to the courts, was in an illegal underground sex club, etc.....
It did not do my employee any good with his CS situation, but it made for some interesting lunch conversations.
Though maybe honorable, over paying CS, helping beyond CS and CS only (unless otherwise COd) is a dangerous precident to set and can give an X opportunty to keep coming back for more, etc...
I do not recommend it.
I am team pay CS and CS only. Not a Cent more. And.... never pay the blended opposition directly. Pay the CSE office or invoke direct payroll withholding. That way, there is no reason to take a money whining call from an X, and it guts the X's ability to manipulate and play games. If the X calls crying that they are starving, cold, broke, etc... direct them to the CSE office to ask here their money is.
Lather.... rinse..... repeat.
BM Is having
A major financial problem. She may have to get one of those JOB s. She will do what ever is easiest and long lasting. I.E. get money from you. Or working 40 hours we go. Why didn't BM have to report her income every year? Like you do.?
You are so right! If DH has
You are so right! If DH has to, then so would she is what I'm thinking. Hence why we are bringing up that she had a roommate over the course of the 7+ years and collected rent (in cash of course so she wouldn't have to claim it as income - in her mind). I believe that she thinks that if she threatens then DH will just roll over and give her what she wants to get it all over with. That is what he did with the original separation agreement - basically signed everything over to her and he walked away with bags of clothes and a measly sum that just covered his legal fees. This time, we want her to feel that DH is not going to take this lightly and that he and his lawyer want to see all of her income with the scare of reporting her to CRA (Canada's IRS).
Though both sides are demanded to privide full financial info...
That does not necessarily happen.
We always went to court with everything requested and then some. The SpermClan, came with only the Spermidiot's last 4 pay stubs if they even brought that much.
We would go after their violation of the court demands for information, the Judge would ingnore our demands that they provide full requested information and even would threaten me with contempt when I pointed out that the Judge was failing to be equally impartial, and when I refused to provide my income information until the Spermidiot provided his full information. His honor particularly hated it when I quoted the State regulations that SParent income is not allowed to be used for CS calculation. And when I reminded the Judge that he had ruled that I "was not a party tothe case" and if I am not a party to the case, neither is my income or financial resources so they would not be provided.
An idiot judge will lose their mind when you back them into a corner for failing to do their damned job.
Though, I did have to provide my income to avoid going to jail for Contempt of Court.