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Why does it always boil down to $$$

fedupinwa's picture

BM is so obsessed with money, SO was two days late on child support and she filed to have him garnished.  When they asked her how late he was, she says "fashionably".  Whatever!  So she proceeds to file a partial satisfaction of support showing the SO is two months in arrears.  I went through his bank statements and found that he had faithfully been sending checks each month except the first two where they agreed that he would pay the mortgage instead.  However, BM had paid all her bills and then some out of the joint checking that only SO contributed to.  In looking through his information I also found that she had run up his credit card after the divorce.  At present she uses SS17 to text and ask SO for extra expenses BM feels intitled to even though she knows SO will only respond to mail.  So..... I sent her a love letter on SOs behalf and oh the fireworks!


Somewhere in the United States

Sent Via Certified Mail/return receipt requested.

RE: Case No. xxx-xxxx

Dear BM,

Per the Judgement and Decree of Divorce filed and signed on xxx, I am requesting reimbursement for debts expressly assigned to you under VII: Property and Debt: Debts.

The Divorce Agreement states that Petitioner will be responsible for the mortgage debt on the residence located at xxxx in xxx in addition to the debt on the  car as well as any debts  incurred by Petitioner not listed above and/or incurred after the date of separation. 

As you are aware, the date of separation was x/x/17.  In reviewing the listed  Credit account assigned to the Respondent, many charges were made by Petitioner from x/x/17 through x/x/17 totaling $5085.  At the time the charges were made, all statements for the credit account were mailed to Petitioner’s home address and not subsequently forwarded to Respondent.

Further, the mortgage payment, car payment, car Insurance and housing expenses (electric/cable/etc.) were paid by Petitioner utilizing a checking account funded only by Respondent’s income that was no longer considered a marital asset.  Payments made by Petitioner using these funds totaled $6,628.

The total amount in question over a three month span of time is $11,714.  Last year, a partial satisfaction of child support was filed with the court showing a deficit of $2,400.  The deficit coincides with the months that essentially all household expenses were paid out of an account funded solely by Respondent.  The credit card usage was egregious, the charges were used to pay Petitioner legal bills post divorce, diet plan, merchandise for Petitioner’s company and car repairs.  The charges were made in complete disregard to the Divorce Decree instructions.

Given that seeking relief in the Family Courts will likely be exhaustive and costly to both parties, I am proposing a settlement of $2,400 (the amount of child support shown in arrears) in addition to an agreement by both parties to have a clean slate as far as perceived extraordinary expenses.  The settlement of $2,400 can be made by way of submitting a second partial satisfaction of support.  In return, I will notarize a statement agreeing to release my claim to reimbursement for credit card and bank charges made by Petitioner.  The goal is to avoid a costly hearing and agree to disagree on expenditures made by each party and lay all grievances to rest.  Please respond by December 15, 2019 or I will be forced to seek a Contempt of Court ruling for the entire amount with the Family Court governing the Divorce Decree.



So today SO gets this text from SS17:

My mom says that the 2,400 dollar child support you owe will be forgiven, the said notarized document is expected before you leave for the wedding. And you will be receiving a letter but shes not typing it up and pretending shes a lawyer and she forgave grievances a long time ago she hopes you can do the same. All she ever wanted was for you to continue to be a dad to your kids, they only get one.

Why can't she ever leave SS17 out of it?  I feel so bad for him but it's either piss off BM or continue bowing down to her!

Rags's picture

Time for a second letter demanding that she cease and decist in using the kids as her gobetween with DH and if she does it again there will be no compromise in the fraud she perpetrated for 11K and she will be dragged before a judge for official consequences to be applied.

It is not about pissing her off. It is about baring her crimial toxic ass.

Money is control.  That is why it is all about money.  BM can maintain control over her XH through money.  What she failed to recognize is that when her behavior crossed to the criminal in violation of the divorce decree and now DH has control.  If he will apply extreme consequences on BM for her crap.


shamds's picture

as middlemen to handle adult issues.

its disgusting a d selfish of them to put kids in the middle and its a totally manipulative measure to guilt the other parent into submission.

my husband’s exwife uses sd23.5 like this. But when yhey are so brainwashed they never see through it

just few weeks ago, sd23.5 who according to hubby loves our kids like their siblings (they’re half siblings), about 5 months no contact calls hubby to say her mum wwnts to know if the home hubby bought for sd’s to live in is under their mums name because she is afraid if she dies from her imaginary illness that her current hubby will steal their home and hubby promised her that home

firstly she never submitted ant documents or signed anything so how can a property be in your name??

secondly, just because your exhusband bought you a home because you were do tight arse doesn’t mean you get it!!

thirdly, skids are actively trying to take hubbys assets and exclude me and hubby’s

my husband lost it with his daughter because she doeyeven have time to see him but she’s already trying to grab his estate and exclude us from it

tog redux's picture

It's not about money, it's about POWER and CONTROL, and this allows her to have both. Money is just the vehicle to continue the power and control she had over him during the marriage.  Money and children are the GUBM's biggest weapons.  And it sounds like her mother is driving this stuff, too.


Hilfld614's picture

Bm has always cared about money. She'd ask for her child support check before she'd ask for her kids. When I was cleaning out SO's files before we moved two years ago I found all the divorce records and original custody documents. BM wasted close to $10000 over alimony and basically wanted SO to pay for everything plus child support (woman makes about $70K then and now). As the OP said in her situation BM here also used a joint credit card and racked up huge bills "for the kids". 

When SO had child support reduced last year  because SD no longer need childcare and her support went down to about $300, plus alimony fell off, plus her older son (not my stepson) turned 18 so no discount, she lost her mind and we ended up in court. SO and I have been together 4 years (getting married in Dec) so Bm somehow got the court to pull all my bank records, which is not suppose to happen in my state especially since I'm not even a spouse, on the ground I was providing income so SO had more disposibble income to pay child support. SO turned around and had her parents' pulled and woooo did that screw her. Turns out her parents where paying for nearly everything! Car payments, most of her mortgage, they had been paying daycare cost of SD, legal debt from the divorce 6 years ago, etc. Turns out (as myself and SO were well aware) that courts here don't give a toot about a dad's SO's income as long as dad has a job but they do care if parents are supplementing income. Bm and parents had tried to play that it was gift money but the judge was like Ma'ma a gift is every once and awhile not writing all your checks for the last six years. It was priceless to see her sputtering. She ended up with all the court fees and the reduction that SO had done was kept in place.

We have a few years until SD can choose where she wants to live (we already have SS because Bm basically gave up on him) but she is already fighting more and more to stay with us. If we do end up with both kids it will be such sweet revenge to have her paying SO child support. 

fedupinwa's picture

You guys are so lucky to have gotten a judge that could see through the money grab.  I believe many judges are starting to see the light and ruling more fairly than in the past.  I really hope one day your DH will receive CS from BM!


SeeYouNever's picture

It looks like BMs go extra crazy when the kids are near aging out.

Money and court drama is all she's got. It's pathetic. 

tog redux's picture

Yes, this - of course, money is nice, but it's really about losing control over your ex once CS stops. 

fedupinwa's picture

Going about our business yesterday, we get another text from SS17. 

"Im to tell you that if you send the notarized paper you suggested for forgiving each of our favors this week. my mom will call child services and forgive the 2,400 dollars.  So that theres none of this to deal with after you guys get married.  If you want to go through with it, do it this week so it can be over,  If you keep your word she will keep hers."

SO responded saying I said I wouldn't discuss this with you.  SS17 says I know but was told to tell you.

Watch a bitch.  She has nothing to forgive and who would trust her to keep her word when the entire problem came about from her lying and stealing!  

How do we make her stop messaging through SS17?  A no-contact/limited contact order?  We can't block him and she doesn't care enough about him to leave him out of it.  I could scream!  Nah, we are going to drag our feet on the paperwork, she stole, she knows it, now she is trying to phrase it like she is some sort of innocent party.   Bleh.  I am so glad you guys are here, it helps to put it out there that someone can suck so bad.

fedupinwa's picture

Just received a request from the State to prove DH's right to claim dependency exemption.  BM has obviously claimed SS17 despite the order saying DH was awarded the exemption "all years".  There was no additional language about current on expenses or child support so even her lying and saying she didn't receive support when she was stealing money wouldn't allow her to claim the dependent.  I sent her a seperate demand letter to compel her provide the IRS form releasing the exemption.  I swear we are going to end up in court because she is so deceitful.  I have no idea what would make her think she could get away with claiming the taxes.  I am positive the refund she got is long gone and she is going to owe the IRS when this get's reversed!


strugglingSM's picture

For many BMs...mine's always only about the money. The rest of the drama is just window dressing to hide that it's all about the money. 

And this line could have been written by the BM in my life, who would also have SSs communicate it with DH - "And you will be receiving a letter but shes not typing it up and pretending shes a lawyer and she forgave grievances a long time ago she hopes you can do the same. All she ever wanted was for you to continue to be a dad to your kids, they only get one." BM would write this in spite of the fact that all she ever does is try to prevent DH from being a dad to his kids, she has never forgiven one grievance, and she always tries to pretend as if she's a lawyer. She has no problem with lying though, so would say all these things with a straight face. 

fedupinwa's picture

I can see from USPS that a letter is arriving today from BMs lawyer.  I am sitting here waiting on the mail so I can see what fresh hell she has in store.  I know I shouldn't be surprised that she would fight.  I honestly can't imagine why she would want to go to court to defend 12K in charges to DH's bank account and credit card as well as taking his dependency credit when we were willing to settle for 2K and the tax credit.  

I guess we find a lawyer Monday and go big or go home.  We plan to ask for everything and lawyer fees.  Her lawyer is known for taking bad cases and promising big to clients.  

fedupinwa's picture

I got the letter....  Basically her lawyer says he has a difference in opinion on the way I calculated the debt and would result in DH only being ENTITLED to claim the amount incurred after then divorce was final. Ok- so we agree she only owes 8K(which I don't) but we are still offering to settle for 2k so what's the point?  Tell her to settle and be done!