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more issues with my ex than bm and sd

rjdeandg's picture

My ex has visitation Tuesday from 4pm after bd5 gets out of preschool and I get them back at noon Wednesday because she has school at 1, yep 20 hours and about 10 of those they are asleep ( we also have bd4 together). This is his schedule he requested when we did our final parenting plan in January. He has Monday and Tuesday off but doesn't want them Monday because all his friends and him get together and play video or computer games that night and god forbid his children interupt that. Well his on again off again girlfriend pretty much runs the show for him, which is expected he's pretty passive. We get along as well as any two people who have zero in common, shes 19 he's 30 she has no interest in being a sm pretty much is disengaged, which is fine with me. On to the current issue with him and her though. Tonight mark the third week in a row with him having an issue 2 weeks ago hr had to take her grocery shopping, since she doesn't drive (failed drive test like 5 times) and well he could take bds till about 7 whatever I was annoyed, last week I called as I every Tuesday, and Lo and behold he's at the nail salon and will call me as soon as she's done, he got the girls at 8 that night. Today he says he just has too much running around to do and won't take them at all, It's annoying to say the very least. Tonight I made him call and explain to both girls he was too busy so I didn't have to break their little hearts. They adore their dad. All I can do is document , I think. I am not a crazy bm lol no crazy messages, no crazy voicemails just a simple ok, and I write it down in my calendar.
With that complaint done Tuesday is also our day with sd6 tonight was good till it came to dinner, I made breaded chicken and mashed potatoes, something she has eaten many many times. My bds finished theirs and I thought sd was almost done so I made them snow cones as a special treat tonight, well I guess sd had just been pushing her food around and not eating, something that makes so other very angry as sd refuses to eat anything other than crap, and is in the 10% as far as weight goes. So he tells her to finish the meat, ( I dish child size appropriate meals since I don't want waste) so I had given bds their snow cones already and they were at the table sayin come on sd hurry these are good. She sat there and chewed on the same piece of chicken and I am not joking for 15 minutes, I am serious. Finally asking if she could just eat that piece and get her snow cone. So said absolutly not you have about 4 pieces if chicken eat them and them you can have yours before toying go home. Nope water works turned on and she chewed chewed chewed away on the one piece. Finally time came about another 10 minutes later to get ready to go she swallowed it and asked for her snow cone again so said nope bagged up her chicken and said your taking this home with you and can eat it when you get hungry later(I doubt bm will enforce this lol ), I have decided since her last visit when she said she's scared if me to disengage, so I just sat and watched this play out. But it is crazy most kids would have just hurried up and ate the damn chicken it was literally like 4 bites left. I just don't get it. Sorry if this is rambling.


torrieanna03's picture

I agree. My in-laws think that I should have special rules for SD4. I have a D6 and D2. They are expected to follow the rules but because my SD's parents are divorced I shouldn't make her go thru anything else. Keep in mind at the same time my D6 parents are divorced also and I don't show her special treatment. Amazing how some rules apply to some and not others.

smdh's picture

Same thing happens here. We don't give any attention for it, at all. We have the following rule you have 30 minutes to eat what is on your plate. If you eat it in 30 minutes, you get dessert. If not, you don't get dessert, you still finish and you get to do your own dishes.

If she truly didn't like something, I'd be more relaxed about it, but this kid will say she doesn't like anything. DH used to fall for it until he realized it was happening more and more often, so new rules. No more wasting and no more whining. I don't make anything weird. I'm not asking her to eat liver and onions.

And omg the 20 minute chewing. It drives me crazy, but dh and I have agreed to not draw any attention to it. She thrives on the attention. The more we coax her, the more drawn out the process is. So we say nothing. We check the clock, eat, and go about our evening. She lives with the consequences.

Do you find that this problem exists mostly on nights she is returning to her mother where she knows she will get a treat regardless of whether or not she eats? We have found that we get more push back on the evenings before she goes home to her mother.

Disneyfan's picture

Is there anything in your CO about late pick up or drop off?

If DF is 30 minutes late picking up his girls, BM can refuse the let him have them. If he returns them 30 minutes late, she can cancel the next visit. He doesn't play around with the times.