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Happy "Feed Everyone Day".... I mean "Father's Day"!

iamlosingit's picture

So Father's Day this  year was on a non-skid weekend. Yay.  DH had to pick up ss at 9am.  We had just gone grocery shopping at Aldi on Friday and got a big pack of boneless skinless chicken for $11, some hotdogs, brats, chips, etc.  I paid $50, dh paid $80.  i was relieved because the chicken alone (once washed and split) would last us at least a week. 

Sunday comes, dh leaves to go get ss.  He comes back and announces he's invited his brother and girlfriend over for a "Father's day BBQ".   I just shrugged.  His brother and gf have no kids.  I don't really get it but whatever, not my day.  Then before I know it he's invited his other sister and her son.  We live near a swimming area and everyone wanted to swim.  I ask what time everyone is coming and he says "5p.m.".....um...dh...you have to have ss home by 8.  Whatever...again...not my day not my problem.  DH goes on a cleaning spree, 5pm rolls up. 

His brother and girl come in, see us having a "beverage" and immediately ask for one.  At this point I'm a little miffed because we had made sweet-tea...I'm the type of person where if you want alcohol when you go to someone's house and they are already feeding you...you bring your own.  Sorry if that's weird but that's how I am.  So girlfriend proceeds to slam the drink and go out on the patio to smoke.  I watch in disbelief as she uses our white banister of our freshly painted entry steps to put out her cigarette.  She comes back in all smiles and asks for another beverage.  Just then it started pouring.  It went from partly sunny to BOOM thunder and rain in sheets.  Dh drags a canopy over the grill and starts prepping the food.  SIL shows up with her son and he and ss start talking about this game ss has on his tablet.  I go outside to let the dog out and dh has not split any of the chicken and has put the entire pack on the grill.  HUGE pieces of chicken that would've lasted us over a week.  Then SIL says her son can't have regular hotdogs only beef.  Oh and do we have any veggie burgers? Oh and btw her boyfriend just got done with his "father's day visitation" so he is coming over now?  DH is all over the place tearing our freezer apart, before I know it he has made our beef brats, my veggie burgers, and the weeks worth of chicken. 

 Um....okay??

The rain stops and everyone decides that they want to swim, and would it be okay if we watched their kid because he doesn't want to swim?

I offer to finish cooking so dh can spend time with his family, he is irritated and says no.  I shrug and go to let the dog in and see his brother's GF in our refrigerator helping herself to my drinks and giving one to other sisters boyfriend.  She runs outside before I can say anything. 

They come back after about an hour, the food has been done and we were waiting for them to come in so we could all eat.  SIL son doesn't' want the pasta salad we made, ask dh if we have any chips or something.  Um...yes we do but not for you. These were supposed to be our two-weeks of groceries not a $90 father's day celebration.  Dh goes and gets chips.  GF is on her 4th (that I've seen) "beverage"...it is also now 745.  WTG DH!  As if 11 hours with your son on father's day isn't enough now you are going to be late.  Everybody takes their time leaving, Dh isn't even out the door until 8:05. 

I survey the mess after everyone is gone.  We have 1 brat and a piece of chicken left that we might be able to stretch into two meals due to having visitation again tonight. 6 of my drinks are gone, dh has one left of a specialty IPA he bought himself for father's day.  I saw him drink one, that means his drinks became a free-for-all too. I don't buy alcohol that often, a case usually lasts me a month.

Oh and my mom called dh to wish him a Happy Father's Day...from my grandma's house.  That means she for sure wore out her welcome and is back at grandma's and nobody listened to me.  We have ss again tonight and then all this coming weekend.  I've already spend $90 more than I should have and am praying I have enough money to pay the stupid utilities that are all due next week.  I refuse to eat hot dogs all week because dh made all our food for his family. 

I don't know why I'm so damn moody.  It's cloudy and rainy again.  Maybe that's why.  Or maybe it's the fact that we've had 8 visitation days in the last two weeks and I just want to scream.  SS is regressing horribly. The sound of "dadeee??" this and "daaadeeee?" that is like nails on a chalkboard.  Taking over an hour to eat a plate of food because you have to take microscopic "baby bites" out of everything and chew with your mouth open.  I can hear him eating cereal from the next room over.  SS you are not "cute" anymore you are a pain in the wallet and less than 6 months away from being 11 and I don't know how the hell you are going to become a productive member of society when you still can't flush your gd toilet paper.  I thought it was supposed to get easier when kids got older.

Sorry.

Not enjoying being a SM.  I knew this summer was going to be hell.  Anybody read any good fiction books lately? Since I can't afford to go anywhere maybe I can mentally escape.

Comments

ndc's picture

This is totally on your husband.  When people are invited over for a BBQ at dinnertime, it is perfectly normal for them to expect to be fed and to have drinks.  Your husband could have said no when they started making special requests.  Or he could have thought about your financial situation before he invited people over.  I agree with Gimlet - I have no idea why you stay with this man.  It's just the same thing, different week, and you are being taken advantage of, as usual.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Now you need to have a calm, sit down conversation with him. Bring visual aides appropriate for a 12 yo, costing out how much money you had in the food budget for the week and how much he blew on that party. Show him the numbers on paper. Explain that the chicken and hot dogs he fed his guests were for his son's dinner this week; that there will be no alcohol this week; and that he and his son wil be eating ramen, rice, and beans because he decided to throw a party without first considering if you could afford it.

Did you get him a present for FD? If so, it needs to be returned. I'm deadly serious here. He needs to feel the pain of his poor decisions. Your words will likely mean nothing to him, as you always save him in the end. He needs to suffer. Basic behavior modification therapy. Have you considered contacting the electric company, cable company, phone company etc and having service suspended for a day or two? You really should. Let him spend visitation with no ac, snacks, or video games.

Unless you make him suffer every time he makes a poor decision, this will be your life. 

 

Pear's picture

It seems like you have two options

1) leave

2) stop sharing food.  Assign shelves, label your food.  

Sweet T's picture

Whatever happened to his big tv? 

I hate to break it to you, he is never going to change... why would he he is living the dream on your dime. His family sounds just like trailer park royalty. You deserve better.