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ugh shes here

Calypso1977's picture

Her voice is grating on me escape this weekend as we have a wedding and then the charade known as "fathers day".

pitaskid's picture

hang in there!!

SD10 will be here this afternoon, and until 6 pm Sunday. I can't believe I'm looking forward to going back to work on Monday morning! Daddy Daddy Daddy Daddy Daddy Daddy.... ugh!

think I might organize the basement this afternoon. Wink

Calypso1977's picture

Well she and her mother were told to bring a dress for her that was appropriate (no bra straps showing, no hoo-hah hanging out). Directives were not followed and her father is doing nothing aabout it.

twoviewpoints's picture

I'm thinking that if you/DH had to give 'what not to wear' instructions to both teen and BM, it'd have been best to just provide a suitable attire in the first place. Obviously the other household doesn't carry the same sense of appropriate as your own does.

Now get DH buns up and out the door to go get something that is age appropriate and proper for the event. He can even go 'cheap' as the resale shops are full of suitable summer dresses currently. It's that or SD doesn't attend.

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

That's about where I've gotten. Clothes we buy are stuffed at the bottom of the closet and she only wears the crap she gets from who knows where. She wants it all to hang out? DH doesn't want to do anything about it? SD15 will get the kinds of attention she deserves, I guess! When will girls realize they can be sexy and attractive without being trashy! They always comes in guys don't respect them! You want respect? Present yourself as someone who deserves it! Want to dress like a hoochie? Expect no respect!

TheLadyTremaine's picture

Its one thing to remark on or acknowledge that a young lady could dress better or more appropriately. Its another to completely devalue them as humans based on how much skin is showing.

Stop the slut shaming! The attitude of "If you dress in a way I don't like, I don't have to respect you" IS rape culture. For once, I feel bad for these SDs.

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

I'm not saying if you dress a certain way, you will get raped! What I'm saying is you dress like a hoochie, you WILL get the wrong kind of attention! You want respect? Respect yourself first. It's like the guy who comes to work in dirty jeans and a wrinkled shirt complaining about not making management!

TheLadyTremaine's picture

Please educate yourself. Google "rape culture" and "slut-shaming". Saying someone doesn't deserve respect because you don't like what they wear IS rape culture. And you're talking about a child!!! If you want to remain uneducated about this, that is your prerogative but I recommend you keep these thoughts to yourself. They are personally offensive to me and most likely will be to any woman who is or loves a survivor of sexual assault. Grow up.

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

Look...I'm not subscribing to any kind of culture or "slut-slamming". It is a very real you present yourself will have major affect on how you are perceived! Why do you think it is still very difficult to get a job in most places if you have a ton of piercings or tattoos? I'm not saying it is right, but I will still advise my kids to think about that before they go out and do that to themselves...because this is the way society still is! I want them to have free choices, but I also want them to be able to support themselves in life, and if that means not sticking a bull ring through their nose even if they really want it, that is what it means! Regardless of our personal beliefs, society still has it's own, and we need to be conscious of that when making decisions about our appearance! I have tattoos, but all of them I can cover for my job...because I know that visible tattoos may affect how I'm perceived in the work place! I have a nice figure (should...worked hard for it), but I still dress modestly, because I know there are total dogs and pervs out there which I choose not to draw the attention of, and I know many women would look at me as a slut if I dressed like I just walked out of a hip-hop video! I like my torn jeans and band t-shirts, but that is not what I'm going to wear to work (even if the dress code allowed it, which it does) if I'm trying to get a promotion to management or something...because I want to be perceived as someone who pays attention to detail, which I am, and not the lazy slob that the torn jeans and band t-shirts has the reputation of portraying!

Sad thing is...SD15 LIKES the attention she gets from guys when she dresses in a way that bares most! Surrounded by guys, she will giggle and act all coy...just eating up the attention. Just watch the girl at a pool is sickening! She has also been caught lying about her age on the internet talking to older guys...this started when she was 13, and DH did nothing but give her a little talk. I don't even want to know what has been going on in the privacy of her room or away from the house since. I mean, let's just say, what 15-year-old needs to be wearing lacy thongs? But, she wants this attention! She makes that obvious! I could show you the selfie she took of her in her bikini (that hardly shows her face, but focuses on her boobs), and you would totally understand what I'm talking about! Her contact list is filled mostly with the contact info for guys, and she is very much NOT the tom-boy. Am I the only one who sees a problem with that? I can get that a girl and a guy can be just friends, but when you have like 30 guy contacts on your phone and only about 10 girl contacts...yeah, that may be the sign of a problem.

JAMS2011's picture

Well put! I do not have teenagers yet but I did go into a JUSTICE store about a week ago and let me just say that the hoochie clothes start YOUNG!! I'm talking shorts so short the front pockets hang out of the front of them and the butt cheeks hang out of the back. Mini skirts for 7 year old little girls. Shirts that have BUILT IN BRAS in a size 6...WHAT??? Not to mention ever shirt I found was sleeveless. Ever single one! I struggle with this issue with my 5 year old...I cannot even imagine how bad it will be 10 years from now.

TheLadyTremaine's picture

Congrats! You are the reason "this is the way society still is". Society has its own personal beliefs?! lmao

People like you make me genuinely sad. People like you raise boys who disrespect girls and worse because mom taught them that "hooch's" and "sluts" don't deserve respect. Your IQ must be impossibly low to not understand this.

You don't seem one bit sad about the situation with your SD, you're reveling in it. In the future I will try to completely disregard your posts. You're sick and I hope you get some help.

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

Quite the son has MUCH respect for females! Now would he let his daughter or girlfriend dress in suggestive clothing? Oh heck no! He broke up with his girlfriend because she wouldn't stop flirting and hanging all over OTHER guys, because he had too much respect for her to be grabbing her butt in public or sleep with her outside of marriage! How is that disrespecting women? He actually thinks it is sad when a girl cannot just be herself...when she thinks it necessary to throw herself at guys for affection!

So I guess that you think it is perfectly okay for a girl to throw herself all over guys for the sake of getting attention or things! I guess you think it is okay for the media to use sex to sell everything...pushing on our young girls that it is okay to dress where 80% of your skin is showing...leaving little to anyone's imagination! THIS is society! THIS is why society has the views it does! When you go into a little girl's another poster pointed out...and the clothing for very young girls is just a, crop tops, etc...THIS IS SOCIETY! This is what they are pushing on our girls! This not only brings every dog and perv out of the woodwork, this also leads to poor body image and eating disorders, which so many girls have these days, because if they don't have the body to wear this skimpy stuff, they must not be beautiful!

I am sad about the situation with SD15...sad that I'm not allowed to do or say jack about it! Everyone around me (with the exception of my MIL) thinks it is perfectly okay for SD15 to walk around in skimpy clothing all but shoving her boobs in guys faces to get attention! What I'm saying is that I give up...because NOTHING I say will make DH stand up and be a man, and make his daughter go back into that bathroom and wipe off some of that makeup, or go back into that room and put on clothing that is more appropriate! It is his job to protect her from herself, and he isn't doing it! We are talking her own protection here! I'm not saying that any female deserves to be abused or raped based on what they wear...but there is no need to put yourself at higher risk with the sickos that exist in this world! Yes, any woman can be raped wearing anything, but wearing certain clothing is going to draw the attention of these sickos more than other clothing...just like a woman should not be out alone at night...why draw attention to yourself or put yourself in a risky position if it can be avoided!

moeilijk's picture


It's important to understand that idealism =/= reality.

Yes, let's work towards a better, more equal world.

No, let's not pretend that because 'I' am enlightened, so are others.

Rape culture links rape & sexual violence to a society in which such acts are minimized, normalized or condoned, often through victim blaming and sexual objectification.

The very antithesis of rape culture is to teach teens like the OP's SD to NOT objectify themselves, to instead take responsibility for herself, her attire and her conduct.

Hooches and sluts are, of course, deserving of the basic respect all persons ought to be accorded. However, if a hooch or a slut would like to be seen as an intelligent, interesting, vibrant person... then that particular hooch has the RESPONSIBILITY to present his- or herself as something OTHER than an object to be sexualized.

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

By that comment I'm talking about the kind of guy she is trying to attract...and being a little facetious I'm my statement. Seriously, SD15 make it clear she likes guys to have hands all over her! When she was dating the now-ex, she was all over him, and seemed upset that he didn't show her the same kind of attention! So if THAT is the kind of attention she wants, that is surely what she will get dressing like she does! If she is as much like BM as she appears to be, she just wants a man to give her things...she doesn't want a smart guy, because she can't make him be her puppet!

Home that makes more sense? Basically, she has already figured out how to use her "assets" to get what she wants from the guys...and that isn't going to get her a very respectable guy!

TheLadyTremaine's picture

Eeewww. Fucking disgusting. Is someone really sexualizing a child on a public forum in 2014?

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

Exactly!!! We don't buy her the clothes...we buy her modest clothing in the correct size...not school-marm stuff...but cute boot-cut jeans and tops that are stunning, yet have a neck line that does not show her cleavage (as the girl is well endowed). Skirts come just above the knee, super cute tankini or one-piece swimsuits, etc. However, we never see her wear these things...they are shoved somewhere! Somehow, she gets her hands on all this revealing clothing...BM buys it, she gets it from friends, or for all we know she shop-lifts (she does always manage to come home with a bunch of stuff when she stays at BM's, and I know BM doesn't have the money to buy all that stuff but she does regularly let SD15 go to the mall with friends). Tight tops where "the girls" look like they are ready to make an appearance at any moment, skirts that come to just above mid-thigh, shorts so short that SD15's butt hangs out the bottom, clothing so tight you think she needs oil to put them on. When BS19's friends show up at the house, SD15 is quick to pop out of her room in butt-showing shorts and some kind of low-cut and/or mid-drift top...walking around with her chest stuck out, trying to get as close to BS19's friends as possible. He has stopped bringing any friend over...even if it is just to stop by to pick up something...because of the way SD15 acts around them...said it himself!

zerostepdrama's picture

YSD wore her jean undies over to the house yesterday. I say jean undies because they were way too short to be considered actual shorts. Closer to boy shorts panties.

THEN she slid down the firepole that is part of BS's tree house. Slid down with legs almost spread. I serious think she thought she was at a strip club. Full vag view.

I just looked at her disgusted and walked back in the house.

Calypso1977's picture

its not slut-shaming. its MODESTY and RESPECT.

its also just ill mannered. lingerie is meant to be seen in the bedroom, not main street.

Calypso1977's picture

oh, and for the record, if SD were a boy and had his pants around his ass with his boxers in full view id be just as disgusted by his appearance and lack of respect and manners!

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

Thank you!!! UGH, I see these boys at the mall all the time...and they are usually trying to "talk" to the girls dressed like SD15 always dresses! I often want to be mean and run up and pull their pants the rest of the way down, just so see if they would even notice...LOL.

zerostepdrama's picture

And talking about wedding wear.

YSD was 14 at the time when DH and I got married. Basically she wore a black tube dress that was short and super high stripper heels. Funny thing is we got married outside and it had rained earlier in the day. I bet she had a hard time walking in the grass. LOL.

MSD wore a black long dress that was cut out in the middle.

Both looked like they didnt even attempt to do their hair. It was all straggly. I have seen their hair look much better on a regular day.

They looked lovely. }:)

TheLadyTremaine's picture

I have rarely come across a selection of such narrow minded, uneducated people in one place (which is pretty tough to say). Never felt bad for SKs until right now. I bet you also make fun of the mentally handicapped and consider psychology a farce. The 19th century called, wants its ideas about young women back. I'm removing myself from this discussion since I'm sure you'll go on sexualizing little girls together and I want no part. Creepy x10!

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

We aren't sexualizing our "little girls"...they are doing it to themselves! When we buy them appropriate clothing, and they go behind our backs and get clothing that is not appropriate, that is not us sexualizing our girls! I know I've pointed out before...what 15-year-old girl needs lacy thong underwear or g-strings? I know SD15 has lacy thongs...leaves them laying the in bathroom...we didn't buy them! Who did? She doesn't have money (too lazy to do chores or get a job)...did BM buy them? Did SD15 lift them? Who knows...but fact of the matter, that is what she wears, and don't give me the "she just wants to feel pretty" crap! There are plenty of "pretty" undies out there that aren't as sexual as a thong or g-string! I'm not walking behind SD15 and shoving her boobs in guys faces she is talking to...she does that on her own! I don't tell her to go flirt with BS19's friends when they walk into the house, she does that on her own!

It isn't 19th century ideals to raise women to have respect for themselves, be independent, etc. Maybe if the media would stop pushing females as sex symbols, we would have girls with more respect for themselves, fewer eating disorders, etc. You wanna blame us? Why don't you put the blame where it goes...because if anyone is sexualizing children, it is the media and the clothing stores...not us! When a little girls' clothing store is full of mini skirts, crop tops, see-through clothing, etc. what do you think that is showing the younger female generation? And then we have people, which seems to be like you, that think a girl/woman should be able to wear whatever she wants, show as much skin as she wants, and no one is supposed to say a single thing about it!

Calypso1977's picture

its weird, because our BM does not dress slutty, never has. she ascribes more to the casual bum look - tees, sweats, etc. so SD isnt modeling her mother's attire other than avoiding nice, dressy items when appropriate.

but BM does want SD to like her, and she is by far a mom who acts like her daughter's friend. beauty, popularity and friends are the #1 priorities far above education, ambition and future. BM does whatever SD wants all in the name of her "happiness" because shes "been thru so much" with the divorce.

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

BM in our case has always dressed SD15 a bit provocatively (mini-skirts, mid-drift tops, bikinis all through the single-digit years), and before she got pregnant with #2 and gained all that weight, BM dressed very provocative herself. Just a few months ago, BM tried to get SD15 a belly button piercing! She probably would have succeeded, except that she couldn't find SD15's birth certificate to prove she was her parent, and DH found out about it because BM was dumb enough to call him and ask him if he had a copy! At one point, BM tried to put SD15 in pageants, but that is probably one of the times I've seen him stand up to BM and say not only no, but hell no!

These days, BM wears nothing but sweats and t-shirts, because she says that is all she can find that fits. Yes, she gained that much weight...once a size 4, now a size who knows. But that doesn't stop her from trying to teach SD15 to use looks/body to get what she wants.