The definition of Regret...

According to Merriam-Webster the definition of Regret is as follows: to mourn the loss or death of: to miss very much: to be very sorry for.

I regret many things in my step life. Mostly I regret getting involved so early on and clearly ignoring obvious red flags. My top three are as follows: 1) I regret ignoring my instincts because clearly I knew better. 2) I regret allowing myself to become a doormat all over again, if I wanted that I could've stayed married to my ex. I accepted being put last. Having BM, SS, MIL, DH's feelings put first. I allowed it. And 3) I regret marrying dh. If I could do it again, I wouldn't. I wouldn't put myself through this misery and I wouldn't allow my bios to get emotionally attached to dh. Because as much as I want to go, and I do, I fear what it will do to my bios. Dh is truly the only father they have ever known. My ex is not in the picture and has not been for many, many years. I refuse to pursue my happiness at the expense of my children's...

So what would be your top three regrets regarding step-life?

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I regret ever meeting BM.

Idk why, I dont' talk to her or see her now. But now that I know how horrible and how much of an idiot she is I wish I hadn't because I worry about SD all the time & there's nothing I can do. Ignorance was bliss.

Plus it would have been nice to let herself go crazy for 13 straight years wondering who I was and why I didn't want to talk to her.

((hugs)) It's nice to have

((hugs)) It's nice to have some solidarity, Red. Thanks.

Mine are similar as your

Mine are similar as your RedEyes.... And my BD is not only "daughter" to my DH, but very, very close to his sisters and brothers. So if I go, they will likely admonish her as well.
It's f*cking retarded is what it is. I regret having not listening to my heart all those years ago as well. But it is what it is, and here we are. Now what?

***"The reason you are not at

***"The reason you are not at peace is not b/c you are not a good partner, it is b/c this situation is wrong for you."***

These are words of wisdom from your subconscious. I wish my heart had gut punched my brain earlier on with this gem! I may have saved myself all this misery.

*******I regret not putting

*******I regret not putting more emphasis on my own life (working out, going out with friends, involving myself in my own interests). I also regret letting so much of my own negativity re. BM have a prominent place in our relationship. I cannot and will not deny my feelings about her - and especially how my SO handled boundaries early on, but the intensity and amount of space it takes up have gone too far*****

This is my main regret too. I'm working on it. I know it may not look like it since almost all of my posts in ST are complaints about BM but hey, at least I'm not making comments in front of DH anymore. Progress?

i regret feeling 'close' to

i regret feeling 'close' to MIL.

i regret that i didnt disengage sooner w/ certain issues - it would have spared DH and I from many an argument.

i regret having to find two of my furbabies new homes. this one is the mourning kind of regret, not the 'wish is didnt' kind. oss is allergic, and it screwed up our first christmas together... i love my furbabies and think of them often, but human health (esp. for a defenseless child) comes first. but i miss 'em.

((hugs)) That couldn't have

((hugs)) That couldn't have been easy.

1. i regret pushing DH to

1. i regret pushing DH to fight for equal time with his kids
2. i regret engaging with the skids early on and trying so hard only to fail and be disengaged anyway
3. i regret my daughters having to see the double standard, to expect it and have to deal with it daily

I do not regret loving my husband.
I do not regret my husband in my daughters life.
I hope that my daughters will learn from this situation and not put themselves through anything like this themselves.
I hope the skids do not destroy my husband emotionally and I hope through my disengagement they will not destroy my marriage to the man I love.

Brie, You and I are in such

Brie,

You and I are in such similar places in our relationship with so much of the same feelings. Often, I read your posts and think, 'I could have written that.' Right now, I keep pushing back a wedding date to the point where I won't even discuss a wedding with anyone anymore because I'm not sure what I want. I think it's because something doesn't feel right. I want to blame the fact that I've been divorced. I want to blame the step situation. I want to blame BM. I want to find a reason why I am in love with this man and I know he's crazy about me but I am not excited to marry him.

And BM occupies space in my head too. I completely get that. There were boundary issues in the beginning but my fiancé fixed them. But was the damage already done? Was it too much?

This is just all so much to handle. I completely get where you're coming from. What we want is a crystal ball to show us the future. What will marriage change?

I regret marrying a man who

I regret marrying a man who is unable to see that parenting your child is not the same as "being mean."

I regret marrying a man who absolved himself of all responsibiilty for SD's behavior toward me by saying, "I wish you two could just get along."

I regret that I now have so much enmity and animosity toward SD20 that I cannot even stand to her my two BDs (her half-sisters) talk about her or see pictures of her.

I guess I don't regret

I guess I don't regret marrying my DH because we have BS3 and I wouldn't change that for the world, I can't imagine my life without him. I just regret that DH was a 20 something year old fucking moron who slept with skanks and paid the price. I regret that DH and I actually went to the same high school, had mutual friends, but never knew each other... for God sakes we only actually lived about 2 miles from each other all during high school but STILL never crossed paths. If only we could have met 20 years ago

1) Not Keeping my own home

1) Not Keeping my own home that I had before I married DH.
2) Not keeping my life separate from the skids in the beginning.
3) Not Waiting to marry DH when the skids graduate from HS.

You know I've been sitting

You know I've been sitting here thinking of regrets. . . .I have come to one conclusion;

Thanks to StepTalk I don't have a lot of the regrets that you do. I have only been in the step game for 2 married years and I found this site about 3 months in. Thanks to you guys I learned what and when to disengaged (and I listened - thanks DTZY) . . .How to have my money, his money and our money . . .I also learned SD13 (then 10)was not my kid and not my problem (thanks TASHA). . . .I learned that DH needed to deal with BM on all accounts when it came to SD.

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The definition of Regret...

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