The word is large isn't it? Acceptance. Accept. Merriam-Webster defines it as:

Acceptance

1: an agreeing either expressly or by conduct to the act or offer of another so that a contract is concluded and the parties become legally bound

2: the quality or state of being accepted or acceptable

3: the act of accepting : the fact of being accepted : approval

4 a : the act of accepting a time draft or bill of exchange for payment when due according to the specified terms, b : an accepted draft or bill of exchange

I've found it to be enormously difficult, though I haven't made it any easier on myself. I'm different, both on the outside and the inside. Some of the outter parts of me were genetically different, but much of the rest was chosen by me. The inside of me is different because of my upbringing, my parents ethnicities, religion, and the regions in which I grew up.

Both of my parents tried very hard to instill a sense of acceptance in me. Racism wasn't allowed. No judgement on anyone based on their sex, religion, creed, financial status, etc. Humans were humans. Stay away from the ones who would hurt you, help those who need it, and do right by all, including yourself.

I got married in my mid-20s. I had 1 child with that man a year prior. We stayed together a total of 10 years and a few months. Over the course of that decade another child was born. I had a SS - he was 6 when I met him.

I was so frustrated with that boy for many years. After 6 years of struggling with him - I realized that it was my fault I disliked him. I will say - he was NOT a delinquent of any sort. He had your normal boy issues at that age, bathing, eating, cleaning, bad English Grades, etc.
I didn't like him because he wasn't MY idea of what a boy his age should be.

It's difficult to comprehend the way I behaved back then now that i have a boy of my own. I constantly smack my forehead with my palm and utter a resounding, "DOH!" when I think back to the way I treated him. He had no choice but to be mad at me half of the time. In my mind he was never "good enough".

*sigh*.

I suppose there comes a time in everyone's life where you have to look around and wonder what it is you are striving for. Are you keeping up with the Joneses? Do you want your image to be defined by your friends and neighbors? Do you look to people for confirmation of who you are? Or are you the type of person who does what feels right, right now? Do you work 60 hours a week? SAHM who loves baking but hates laundry? Do you want to go back to school?

Whatever it is that you WANT to do, you first have to accept what you have done, be responsible for it, change what you are doing, and move forward. ACCEPT the changes.

I wanted a perfect SS. When I gave up my (perceived) control over him and accepted him for who he was, he blossomed. He WANTED to make people proud of him. It wasn't easy, I had learned to react with reservation, criticism, and displeasure. He had learned I was never pleased with him. Finding middle ground was difficult. As the adult in the situation - it was my responsibility to take the first step. He eventually followed. But it took time, adn lots of it.

And in the end, he accepted me even though I left his father not much later.

JRTerrierMom