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Need a plan to assert myself again

Onefootout's picture

Happy Fourth of July!

SS16 comes home tomorrow from his month long visit with BM. Since he's not in school, SO is less restrictive about his video game time. XBox is in the living room on the big screen.

One of the stepmoms on this site has a rule that the kids turn off the video games as soon as she comes home from work. I want to implement that same rule. SO gets really defensive every time I try to have a say regarding something his son does, even if it's something that affects me.

I've already suggested putting the XBox in SS' bedroom, but that's out because SO wants to be able to play the video games himself, and he wants to do this in the living room. Also, I don't think he wants SS hiding in his bedroom all day. (I don't mind, lol).

One argument I have planned is that if SO doesn't want to let me have a say on limiting the video games than the games shouldn't be placed in my jurisdiction, i.e., the common areas. That's just as much my living room as it is SO's.

I may be worrying about nothing, and SO may be fine with this. But the problem is if SO isn't fine with it, then there's tension and resentment and he acts like I'm some controlling bitch.

Instead of acting and then doing a post-mortem on ST like I usually do, I thought I'd put this out there in case anyone would like to add their two cents on how best to broach this subject.


realitycheckmom's picture

We had these problems with SS9. He had both video game systems in his room and we never saw him except when he was sitting on Dadddeeee.

I made one system come to the living room and then FDH and SS played in SS's room on the other one. At one point I bought a new game for the system in the living room and SS would not get off it. I was constantly telling him to give DD or myself a chance to play. He was relentless. I told FDH we have family time and that the living room tv is for grownups. It was at one point our only tv with cable hooked up. I can't imagine how you will negotiate this with a 16 yr old. Sad

Onefootout's picture

Thank you all for your replies. I should probably clear up what I originally posted. We have SS16 full time, during the school year, and he spends some time with his mom who is out of state during summers and holidays.

SS16 makes good grades, I think the school is a little too easy, they can turn assignments in late and get full credit. You can imagine how bitchy I must seem complaining about his laziness at home, since he's apparently doing well in school. And during school, he's not allowed to play on weeknights. And his dad gives him free reign on the weekends because of the no school night rule. But until school starts...I'm worried I'm going to go crazy if I have to come home to this kid sitting on the same spot on the sofa, same dirty bathrobe, and the dog's crapped in the house again because zombie boy didn't ever get up from the couch to let her out. I don't care if this kid rots his brain out during the summer, I just don't want to have to see it or listen to it.

I want to limit the video games even when I'm not watching TV in the living room. It's just demoralizing and depressing to have the entire house dominated by swords clanking, mortar rounds, ARs, bombs, video game characters yelling and that stupid music cycling over and over. I realize this is somewhat of a compatibility issue as there are women out there who enjoy video games. And because of the layout of our house, I can't avoid the video games when they are in the living area, the central zone of the house. Headphones will help, and I've asked him to do that, but I can still see it, and I can still see SS sitting on his ass doing nothing.

So, what I really want is for video games to be turned off when I get home, whether I'm watching TV or not, because I like a relatively quiet house to decompress. And I want a limit of 2-3 hours per day on weekends, even during the school year, which will be a very hard sell, since SS is deprived of Xbox on school nights.

And SO insists on having the biggest TV in the living room. That won't change either, he killed himself getting that tv mounted high in the cabinet over the fireplace, so I have to strain my neck to watch all my shows, lol.

I'm over thinking this, I'll just have to bring it up and see what SO says. Ugh, I hate being outnumbered by the males in the house Wink

Thank you for all your comments!