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The ice queen is thawing

Onefootout's picture

For quite sometime I've been iced out by SS17,lives with us full time, who treats me like a ghost and I reacted by returning the favor, and SO hates it. I'm the adult, I need to keep trying with SS even if SS ignores me in return. SO and I were at a stand off on this issue.

Then I started going to counseling and guess what, my counselor just got remarried and has her son full time! Great! Now she's going to relate more to my SO than to me (I have no kids).

So anyway, told the counselor how awful SS is to me, she suggested I try running toward the problem rather than running away. She suggested SS and I do an activity together for 15 minutes every day, rules are, no screens, like TV or Xbox, and it has to be all positive. We could do a puzzle together, go for a walk, anything and I can pick the activity.

My jaw dropped but I said I'd consider it.

Well I've been having SS help me walk our three dogs around the neighborhood a couple of times per week. not up for every day yet, lets not get crazy!

Some days SS is cooperative, the most recent time he pitched a fit and refused to go, until his dad made him. And I behaved myself the whole time.

The counselor said she was proud of me for trying. SO appreciates it too, of course.

Who'd have thought I would ever reengage like this. Can't say it will help me and SS but it does help me and SO get along better.


luchay's picture

Can't say it will help me and SS but it does help me and SO get along better.

And sometimes that's the best we can hope for. I would personally much prefer to NEVER speak to or see SD13 again. I can ignore her with the best. But it saddens my OH, and it makes him so happy if I DO the slightest attempt now - so as long as it keeps him happy I will step up and engage - when *I* feel like it and on MY terms.


As long as your OH sees you making the effort and it helps your relationship THAT has to be the most important thing.

Onefootout's picture

Luchay, thanks. You hit the nail on the head. This is really for me and SO. SS could care less if he spends time with me, he's too self involved. I've decided to give it a shot for a while even if I don't think its working. And its good for SS too, he needs to get out of his rut of hiding in his room.

Onefootout's picture

Thanks StepAside,

Its definitely not something I'd ever come up with.

Onefootout's picture

Mairin, lol, I guess the way I wrote my post it makes the counselor sound really condescending. Actually, she was praising me in general for trying her suggestion when she knew I initially resisted trying it and that it was something I was very uncomfortable with.

She wasn't really praising me for putting up with SS being a jack ass. She agrees he's a jack ass.

Anyway, she made a good point that nothing I'm currently doing is working, so might as well try something else.

More than anything I'm doing this for me. Counselor noticed I'm no longer spewing venom when I talk about SS, so that's something. But yes, I've had to be really open minded about this. Its not for everyone, I realize that.