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My 'mini-wife' theory

Onefootout's picture

I have a theory about mini wives whether it be SDs or SS--as in my case. I think a lot of times the dads like to feel like they are being fought over. Especially by their kids. They like being something to compete for. And I think a lot of dad's either tacitly or openly encourage their kids to be mini wives.

After two months of being out of step life I realized my ex probably enjoyed being caught in the middle between me and his son. He said it stressed him out and maybe it did on some level, but I mean when he feels caught in the middle, that means he's at the center of it all.

And since his daughters wouldn't speak to him and had essentially shunned him, my ex was probably flattered that his son adored him.

And those SD mini wives I read about. OMG. They're basically making their dad the center of their world which is something the dads know they won't get from a grown woman.

Why would these dads ever want to put a stop to their baby girls competing for them?

I realize I'm jaded. My ex really used the stepfamily dynamic against me so many times. Just didn't realize it until now.


awakening's picture

I agree with this!

Awhile ago SO made a comment along the lines "she (SD9) like all the other women in my life is mad at me" "She will leave me too" :jawdrop: This was one day after he realized she just wants him to take from him what she can, now he just caters to her even more and lets himself be used even more. Totally appalling.

He wants her approval and be seen by her as the hero....

Onefootout's picture

Oh how I hate the generalizations about women! Guess he never asked himself what he's doing to make all these 'women' mad at him, lol.

awakening's picture

I definitely agree with this. My SO is the one to blame for SD9 and Skids behavior, no matter how much he wants to put it all on BM he has his share of blame too, when they are with us he could parent them and he chooses not to.

Ljcapp1's picture

It is a 50/50 problem.
I agree Dh is lovin the competition, but my sd18 was essentially his only companion before I came along.
She kept her status as a decision maker, his ear, and did what she wanted as if she were an equal even after we were together.
Still in some ways she runs the show - she's 4 hours away but continues to hang him by a thread about when she will come visit, etc.
Once I came in the picture and changed her status she started being a bitch to me and got mad at dadddyyyy.
Sd23 doesn't act this way...and mini wife is 18 so how long does she have to be moved out and how old does she have to be before we start putting some of the blame on her personality?
It's a codependency IMHO

onstrike's picture

I agree with this theory. Dh loves the adoration that Sd8 gives him. I, on the other require more than a piggyback ride and a crapload of toys. I ask him for help around the house and call him out on his crap. Sd8 likes to imply that I somehow treat him badly,which isn't true. In her eyes dh can do no wrong. In my eyes, I can
see his nonsense. Dh doesn't want to lose his ego supply with sd8. They are quite the couple :sick:

Teas83's picture

I agree that some husbands love the attention and feeling like their kids adore them. My husband is definitely guilty of this, which is why he allows SD to be a mini-wife.

This weekend he thought that there was a funny smell in our fridge. He asked me for my opinion on it, and I told him that I couldn't smell anything. So he asked SD for her opinion, and she said that she could smell something funny. He looked at me and said, "See? SD agrees with me." It made me sick.

onstrike's picture

:jawdrop: I feel for you Teas, that is absurd, as if the opinion of sd trumps yours. Why does he get her involved? I wonder if he is an idiot or actually trying to piss you off in a passive aggressive way?

princessmofo's picture

My mother always said that men enjoy nothing more than two women fighting over them, no matter what they say. And I think it's true. Men are self-centered by nature, so it makes sense.