If you are tired of my posts, no worries, move along.
Im angry. Angrier than angry. While the previous 2 days I was heartbroken, distressed, sad, and grieving, today I am madder than mad.
Last night, DH picked up SD14 - who is almost 15 btw - for his week long visitation, after Phone-Gate and when I got home from dinner and shopping, she was in her room. They had dinner together, chatted. I heard her high-pitched sing-song voice (sounded innocent before phone-gate, now its just making me sick to my stomach with fury) and heard her laugh because dadee is SO funny! Even when hes making fun of me hes SO funny. Strange the things your mind purchases on when you are turning them over and over obsessively.
So, I figured out the "end-game". The agenda. And yes, I know it will sound absurd, but there you go. I was set up to fall. Targeted. The perfect scapegoat.
The set up by Sd14: Her grades are falling fast and its the last month of the semester 1 of freshman year with distance learning. 3 fs. Art, Orchestra and English (honors) cLove finds this out, not because Little Darling tells anyone, but because cLove has a "feeling that things arent right in that direction and she wants the best for Little Darling" and gets into parent portal.
A few screen caps later, some tears, and a lecture and cLove is "chosen" to help her get focused and organized. Cue the dark music with a cello.
cLove puts on the cape that is folded up on the top drawer, freshly washed and unused for a while, and flys into zoom meetings with teachers, email exchanges, even buys books and art supplies, because Little Darling has excuses, erm REASONS for all these missing assignments resulting in poor grades. Little Darling was OVERWHELMED and then it just got out of CONTROL.
cLove, cape flapping in a cold wind of winter (cold for California which isnt that cold) makes checklists with assignments prioritised by grade and class importance. Spends a few hours here and there on her weekends checking things off the list, going through the readings, giving advice (some that wasnt taken, but that would result in a lower grade, because cLove actually is quite good at English assignments).
Calls about schoolwork after work, check ins, and more emailing about absences that are turned into tardies. Calls and emails to get Little Darling into in-person school for a non-essential elective. She is interested in Biology, so she signs herself up for a First Aid class.
All of this without threats of selling off pets, no threats, just rewards and encouragement.
Things hum along nicely, there is a groove thing happening, and the grades are A's and B's, except Orchestra, which because its distance orchestra is reliant on recordings that she is "too embarrassed" to complete. We strike a deal - can fudge on the orchestra but must ace other classes. Little Darling agrees.
Cut to a month ago. A friend, the number is midwester, enters the scene. Cue the violins that make you feel uneasy. Long phone calls on an unlimted data/minutes plan go unnoticed, until now during the post-mortem phase of grief. cLove notices 3-4 hour daily phone calls to this "friend". Texts at all times during the day and night, sometimes at 5 am sometimes at 3 am. During times shes supposed to be in the "zoom class". Now cLove has always been respectful of space and time and always either emailed or texted to avoid interruptions of class time.
But she notices this friend, lets call her "Kansas City" or KC for short, she notices that KC and Little Darling text all day, every day. Vidoes, etc. YES cLove is nosy but trying to figure things out. Why the grades dropping suddenly, why no response to a text and email.
cLove figures out that 3-5-7 hour phone calls are the reason. With KC.
When cLove tells Little Darling that there will be consequences to actions and that she is not bluffing, Little Darling calls that bluff! OH YES. Remember the set up? Thats coming up, soon, I promise. cLove informs DH of everything that is going on. Asks what authority she has to instill consequences. He states "full". Can she take phone? "yes".
cLove waits a day to allow for adequate time of response. Nothing. Texts Little Darling that her lack of response to email and text are disrespectful and that she knows its because she is on the phone to KC. Tells Little Darling "I will take phone". Little Darling springs into action.
First must lay groundwork with cLove: "I do not respond to your passive agressive negative comments. I am doing my work. You are calling me a liar and I am very offended. You are harassing me during my class. You have never helped me, you dont support me, all you do is helicopter and hover and that is not supporting me."
cLove responds with "ok fine, you do you, I am done with this."
Second line of attack is Toxic Troll BM: Shows her mother all my texts. And her texts back to me. And Dhs texts. Tells her mother whatever will keep her phone and access to KC. Toxic Troll texts DH "your going to lose your second daughter, she doesnt want to go over to your house now, Im going to take you to court for full custody and move away to somewhere cheaper! She cannot stand your wife harassing her, keep your wife away from MY child!!! Oh and your wife telling Little Darling that her mother is lazy and should get a job, is defamation of character, but whatever!"
third line of attack: DH. First text him "clove was harrassing me during school time and calling me a liar. Im doing all my own work, she hasnt helped me at all, I am doing all this by myself." He texts her things like "I dont want you to be like your sister and your mother, I want you to do well, and want the best for you, I love you and dont want to lose you." Little Darling "I love you daddy, I dont want to lose you, but Im doing my work and just dont want to be called a liar and harrassed anymore. cLove hasnt helped me at all Im doing this all by myself! She even texts me during class time!!!"
Sidenote: About being called a liar, I never did that and never would do that - to her face. I did tell her she misrepresented a few things to me because I emailed her teacher.
So, the end result is that Little Darling SD14 gets to keep her phone. She gets to keep doing her 4-hours long daily phone calls to KC. during classtime. She came over. We do not speak. she gets to have her business as usual. Dh and I argue because he did not back me up at all, in any way. Just folded at the threat "You will lose your daughter!!!!"
I am more than MAD, I am furious. At DH because he let me go down this path thinking he had my back and he let me fall, and fall I did - hard.
At Little Darling, who set me up. Sure, ask cLove, that way she could do what she wanted and no repercussions, just activate Toxic Troll who is more than happy to attack cLove and her everything even if its not relevant. Im mad at Toxic Troll who just sits back collecting all her money and gets to be the Golden Uterus that has all the love.
Friends. I dont get mad, often, but I am in an absolute RAGE.