Need advice...is it my pms talking or is there a problem. (OT)
I don't know if it's me or if there really is a problem. DH has been super in every way and lately has gotten on board with becoming more of a normal human. We communicate better, he tries harder and things really are going way, way smoother than ever before. And I don't nag or anything...he seriously is committed to working on improving our relationship.
The one thing that is absolutely driving me insane is when he comes home in the morning (he works 3rd shift), I'll be putting my makeup on getting ready for work...he will be all cutsey cute with me in the mirror and goofy and give me a peck on the cheek, but when I go to kiss him back he kind of backs off. It's almost like, I go to kiss him back and he pulls away. So I'm left sitting there like, wtf? I used to get way p*ssed about it and he'd say something about needing a shower or having bad breath or something but I'd be like, you're fine come here. But it just always seems like he's ok with coming at me to kiss me, but if I reciprocate by trying to kiss him back, he kind of pulls away.
I'm not sure if it's a big deal or not. Like, it really, really bothers me and we've talked about it before like I said. But with everything going so good right now, I don't know if this is some kind of red-flag warning or if it's just some stupid little thing he doesn't realize he's doing.
If I approach him now,he'll deny it and say he didn't know he does it or will claim to not do it and that I'm overly sensitive. If I don't say anything, i'll continue being angry and hurt and resentful. (All I keep thinking is, "Oh I bet if your &*$%$#! exW was here you'd be kissing her better than this!!!") I know it doesn't seem like a big deal...but it kind of is to me. I'm touchy feely...not like I'm a cat all over his lap when he comes home, but I would like a decent kiss and be able to kiss him back w/o feeling like I'm repulsing him or something.
Am I just all pms-ing, or is there really something I should fix?
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PMS/3rd shift
Hay, Lil-T,
First of all, I know I get SUPER sensitive when I'm
PMS (throw in some perimenopause as well), and it's like H has "radar" to do something super insensitive
when I'm feeling like a bloated, miserable whale.
Inevitably, it has to do with the adult SDs, and it
really sets me off MORE than usual.
Secondly, I don't know what kind of work your guy does. My XH worked 3rd shift in a huge plant, and I
remember him being reluctant to touch me when he
came home. He WAS stinky, and there were times when
he'd stop for a "beer or two (or three....)" with
DA GUYS, so he didn't want me to smell like beer
when I came to work (I'm a teacher, no less...)
Third shift absolutely SUX. If this behavior is NOT
new, maybe he's just exhausted and cranky and that's
how he reacts. If he's just being a pain in the BUTT, then call him on it. If you're getting all
dolled up and he feels that he looks like a piece of crap, he may feel "unworthy" of a good liplock!
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."-Eleanor Roosevelt
My H finally kissed me
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
And I mean a real kiss, for the first time in ages, a couple of weeks ago. And I think it was because he had a bad tooth (icky-really bad, bad breath, tho I didn't say so). He finally went to the dentist (much prodding on my part) and they did a root canal. The following week, he actually kissed me. Maybe your H is self-concious about his breath, what with just coming home from work?
stuff to think about
I hadn't really thought about what you girls are saying. I can see your points. Maybe he has some issue he's dealing with as far as hygiene...maybe he doesn't want to get me stinky...I don't know.
I think part of it is me. I'm always {ok my huge bad here} looking for signs that he isn't as into me as he says...that maybe he's still got the exW blues. I know, I know...I'm not supposed to be constantly picking him apart mentally, but sometimes I can't help but wonder, "Oh is the reason you aren't kissing me right because you want to be kissing *her*?!" I never say it but it's what I think...I know it's my bad and I need to spank my inner moppet too and get over it cuz he does love me. But I just can't get that damn bm outta my head...she's messed with us for so long and still lives in my head.
I'll try to think that maybe there are other possibilities for his lack of kissing in the a.m. ... Maybe it's my pms.
It's ok to wonder sometimes-you're human!
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
H is very jealous of my ex-or any bf I ever had. Yet he talks about his ex and previous gf's. I used to get upset because when I'm not with him, and he picks up the girls, he talks to the ex. He does not talk to her when I'm with him. Used to really upset me. Not anymore. Sad, really, because it means I just don't care.
H's ex is actually quite pretty. And she's much younger than I. Strange, tho. When I first met H's family, many made the comment that I look alot like her. That used to bother me also. Now, you got it-I no longer care.