Confused about fh...but more so, just how much skids is too much???
I've gotten things lined up as far as realtors and what not goes. I'm making plans to move out and are getting all my ducks in a row. So now, fh wants to work things out...he wants to go to counseling. He initiated it and said that even though I initially didn't want to go he was still going to go for himself to get himself right. So I told him I'd go. Our first session will be on the 24th.
Meanwhile back at the manor, the skids are taking all fh's time. Now, I have never, ever complained about how much time he takes them...and he does have them every single day for at least part of the day. And I never tell him not to take them/go see their activities. I can say in my heart of hearts, I have been the best stepmother-to-be that I could possibly be. I have treated his kids like my own and never, ever done anything to make them feel unwelcome or uncared for in their own home. The same however can't be said how I've been treated by fh. I feel like he makes time for them at the expense of us. Their sports always come first, their lives and petty demands always come first...I knew that going into this and I was ok with it. But when I ask for my tiny crumb of time(like him coming with me to see my mom) I expect him to honor that since I give him that kind of respect and don't hassle him about kid-time. But he doesn't give me what I need--which is time. And now while he's trying to fix our relationship, his time spent with the skids is increasing. Instead of dropping them at their game and coming home for dinner with me, he's staying for part of the game so we get like 20 minutes together before he has to go to work. It's not fair to me.
I hope y'all can tell me if I'm being unfair or not because he's trying to make me think I'm being unfair or demanding. I don't think it unreasonable that he scale back the time he's spending with his kids because is isn't the same, it's increasing. I've never asked before, and the only reason I ask now is that our time together has started to decrease even more...and nobody asked my opinion...nobody asked me if I minded if he spent less time with me.
I feel like since we got together, I've been on a diet as far as his time is concerned. There's only a certain allotment of it I can get because of all of life's stuff. I have been ok with that...it's the breaks of dating a guy with kids. My exH didn't have a kid so we were free to spend as much time together as we wanted...which was alot. But I knew fh had kids so our time would be somewhat limited and I've been ok with that.
But now, instead of it being a diet, it's become a starvation diet where I barely get any time and I feel like I'm emotionally starving to death. In fact, I would say things have become more like emotional anorexia...I'm not getting anything to emotionally fill me up from him. I feel like I get absolutely no time what so ever...I mean, how do you live and love on 20 minutes alone time a day?!
It feels unfair of him to do this to me...for him to want to fix things while giving me even less of his time. But he's making me feel like I'm being unfair by asking for his time. I feel like we're stuck in this stupid record groove going over the same thing over and over.
I try to do TheRules and let him go and do whatever w/o complaining and whatnot, but then he complains that I "don't care" or I "must obviously like being alone". But it's just b/s...I hate being alone but I would rather not show him that I'm starved for his attention. I understand now why affairs happen...I feel emotionally deprived and I'm not even married to him.
I just don't know how to get more time from him w/o him being angry or saying I'm demanding...and I don't know how to let him do what he wants w/o reacting because he's killing me inside whenever he's gone and I'm left all alone. I'm ok with being alone and I do like my independence, but I don't know how you build a relationship w/o actually spending "time together".
So does anyone have any advice? Am I a bad person for needing more time than I'm getting? And if he wants to work things out, why is he giving me less time now? I just don't get it....