Charity golf and the bm--still not settled.
If you've read an earlier blog I posted about fh participating in a golf event created by his ex bro in law. He has parkinsons and the golf outing was a way to raise money for research. ExBroInLaw was the reason it was started here. There's always a hundred or so golfers and then there's a dinner after. BM's family will be there all six-gazillion of them. FH is supposed to go w/his own broInLaw(fh's sister's hubby) and his dad and some other guy.
I am just fuming inside because I didn't get any acknowledgement for mothers day--I feel like just a babysitter because of that. Regardless of him grieving his mom's death or not, he sent a message to his kids and to me and bm that she matters because she squatted them out and I dont matter cuz they arent my kids. Anything could have been done--a card, a handwritten note--something. But I got nothing and I am livid.
So, now this golf thing is around father's day. What's got me heated is that bm will be there for the dinner portion plus all her family. FH is sure they'll come see him and say hi. I was invited to the dinner but I'm way salty. Why do I want to go to an event for this exb-i-l? Plus have to see the bm who is a total c**t to me?! Not to mention his partipation sends the message that the bm's family matters enough to irritate me and disrespect me by having MY husband participating in activities that benefit THEM.
I'm probably not articulating my feelings clearly because this is hard. I feel BETRAYED by my fh. He should consider my feelings on this issue and should have never, ever gotten involved in it this year or ever again...if it was a charity he wanted to support he could have sent a check.
I want him to UNDERSTAND this analogy---FH's sister's husband (current b-i-l) had an affair twice with a girl. It devastated fh's sister. Now, suppose this girl had a golf outing for her brother and fh's current b-i-l was going to participate. That means fh's sister would have to tolerate the slut's family, and seeing her--this girl who has caused her tremendous pain and nearly destroyed her family. And b-i-l would have the audacity to tell his wife(fh's sister) that he is only going "for the golf" and although "those people" will be there, he'll have nothing to do with them. I think fh's sister would feel betrayed and angry and that her husband was choosing his mistress over her. And that friends, is exactly how I'm feeling--he's choosing to support his exW over me, over my feelings, over my pain, over the hurt she causes me continually, and the disprespect she gives me constantly--he's choosing her over me...as far flung as that may sound, that's how it FEELS.
So my plan is to talk about my feelings calmly with fh and tell him how this all makes me feel, and use the analogy of his sister's husband's affair, and let him know that the whole thing is wrong.
It's like, why is it that if it was fh's sister who was feeling bad and angry, it would be justified? Like, why is her feelings more important than mine--why is her hurt more important??? I doubt anyone would question his sister if she said to her husband "if you participate in golf for your whore, we're through!!!!" but if I said something even remotely similar, I'm "a bitch" "demanding" "getting my ass kissed".
Would you all feel similar to me, or am I off base here???
Any comments or thoughts would be greatly appreciated.