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MIL Issues...Update to the Update, Yes the drama continues!

leather64's picture

Original Post:
How would you respond to being asked to "board your dogs" so that out of town family could stay in your home for a family reunion?

Well, my reaction was not good. I was honestly offended, and told my DH, no I am not going to do that. We have a dog that isn't always friendly, and neither of us are comfortable exposing "toddlers or children" to him. This "subject" is a constant argument in my home. Now, my MIL keeps calling my home, cell phone, and now my work because she is trying to sway my feelings. I have no problem inviting adult family to stay, just no kids. I haven't returned any of her phone calls, because I don't have anything to say and want to be left alone. Apparently, she hasn't gotten the hint. I realize I probably didn't handle the situation properly by not returning her phone calls, but now I feel like I'm being harassed. My DH doesn't agree with me and will not put her in her place. I'm so annoyed!!

Well, I spoke to MIL on phone last night. Conversation went as follows:

MIL: I'm sad that you are avoiding me, I wanted to discuss a few things with you regarding family coming in for reunion.

ME: As I mentioned to DH numerous times in the past weeks, I do not wish to discuss any further the "boarding of the dogs" with you or him. You have called numerous times without a response from me, I thought you would figure out I don't want to discuss it with you any further. I will not be boarding the dogs, DH said he talked to you last night and gave you our options, so leave it at that please.

MIL: Contrary to your belief, I pretty much got the message that you'd rather not have guests after the second appeal. I just wanted some clarification from you directly.

WTF??? If she "got the message," why pursue it any further? She's just mad because she didn't get her way. Can we say.....BULLY!!

Today, I receive this email from MIL:

I'm sorry if I caused problems between you and DH. That was not my intention,
and doubt that I have that kind of power. I told DH that I should have
gone directly to you in the first place, but that's hind site. My recent calls were to ask about another option. If that wasn't agreeable then go to plan B and the financial info thing. That too is a mute issue. This reunion is important to me because it's possibly the last time that I'll see some of these people. The only drawing card to get people here is a reunion. Most I have not seen in 5 years since the last reunion. If I'm even here in 5 years, doubt that I'll have the energy to do another one. I'm sure that you can relate to that having a sibling living out of state.


I appreciate your apology, and understand your plight. Has it occurred to you that you might be unnecessarily jumping the gun on trying to foresee the "accommodation needs" for those who might be attending? In my opinion, if family/loved ones really want to attend the reunion they will, regardless of their options for accommodations. Meaning, it wouldn't be a deciding factor in most cases.
We offered to have adults stay with us for the reunion, which I feel is reasonable and un-negotiable. I'm sure everything will work out.
Hopefully this clarifies things for you, because I am done discussing it any further.


Gimlet's picture

OP offered a compromise though. She was willing to host adults for this reunion, and MIL was set on her hosting a family with small children. I think OP was willing to meet her halfway.

Avoiding bad feelings and drama is good, but no way does anyone tell me what's going to happen in my house, with my animals. I think that sets a dangerous precedent for the next time someone is expected to bend. I would hope that my FDH and MIL would be just as concerned about my feelings as I would be expected to be for theirs.

There are kids in FDH's family who will never step foot in my house again after harassing my cats and breaking my sofa and I will never change my mind about that. If anyone even suggested locking my cats up to accommodate them, it would not go well.

Tuff Noogies's picture

O/T, but funny story - one time my aunt and g-mother came to visit for a week. uncle had to stay back due to work.

we were all watching a movie and our dog was comfortably curled up on the ottoman, as was his custom. as soon as the movie ended, aunt tilted the ottoman to remove the dog so she could pull out the sofa sleeper.


it was absolutely hilarious. she totally went off on her, "how DARE you move MY dog just because YOU felt the time was right?" it even got to the point that mom permanently banned her from the house unless uncle was with her.

as far as i know, that ban is still in effect. you dont mess with our furbabies!

Tuff Noogies's picture

lol she was more pissed that she just unceremoniously dumped his ass onto the floor from a dead sleep. any animal lover would have woken the poor guy up and given him a "get down" command and hand gesture.

he was a bassett, and slept like a rock, so you can imagine the sad look from his bloodshot eyes like "mmmaaan? why'd ya do that for?"

i miss him. he was a good boy.

Gimlet's picture

If kitty is on my lap, FDH knows that he has to get up and tend to whatever is on the stove or refill my wine glass because I won't disturb kitty Smile

Gimlet's picture

The only step up for them would be Fruit Salad land, where bedtime treats and smoked turkey abound. Your cat gets his own drive-thru order, talk about spoiled Smile

Gimlet's picture

Sigh. I too have given up that fight and just clean the counters every time before I make food. My niece's cat is the biggest a-hole cat I've ever met. She got a spray bottle to try to keep him off the counters, and the little jerk actually leaned into the spray and then stared at her like "What'cha got now?"

We could always try this:

Your cat runs sh1t and he knows it Smile

Gimlet's picture

Hah, we are in the same boat. But our kitties are smart and loving and cute, so that makes it OK, right? Smile

notsurehowtodeal's picture

My cats have always been pretty good about only going on part of the counter. They seem to naturally avoid the sink and stove area. I admit, they sometimes get their canned food on the counter when they are fed while the dogs are in. I too keep clorox wipes on hand at all times.

For the short time my teenage SD lived with us she was appalled by the cats on the counter. At first I felt kinda bad about it, but as she became more and more difficult to live with I took a certain amount of secret satisfaction in her discomfort. And there was plenty of counter space in which to work with no "cat germs."

HappilySelfish679's picture

I do not board my animals to accommodate house guests , ever .
If you are allergic / afraid / do not like animals , please board yourself at any of the nice hotels in the area .
The end .

DPW's picture

My dog lives here.... plain and simple. He does not get boarded ever. He's a rescue and I never, ever, ever, want him to think that I have abandoned him by placing him in some institutionalized boarding facility. He was in such bad shape physically and mentally when I adopted him that I just can't do it. It would break my heart. If no one likes that, tough noogies. There's a hotel walking distance from my house.

z3girl's picture

I think OP did the best she could in these circumstances. She's right about not wanting to set a precedent. I certainly wouldn't board my own pets for someone coming to visit.

My MIL and FIL are always asking us to come stay with them at their house down the shore. DH has his boat there, and they have the room, so it would be very nice to do more than a day trip. The problem is MIL refuses to let our dog in the house. Our dog is 14 years old, and we're not going to board him unless it were for a very special reason that does not include going to MIL and FIL's 2 hours away. So we don't stay overnight. The problem with all this is that SIL also has a dog, and MIL allows their dog in the house, so SIL and her kids stay there all the time. Grr. Unrelated, but the post sort of reminded me of it. I guess unreasonable MILs are the problem. Wink