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Does it ever get any better?

BigEasy1203's picture

Okay, so I have two stepkids, SD17 and SS14. I've been a part of their lives for 6 years. When they were younger they were pretty good kids, but they gradually changed over the years into unpleasant, rude, abrasive, and disrespectful teenagers. In fact, SS14 is currently is in a "boarding school" of sorts, where troubled kids go to get help. He's there because he was doing pot, making terrible grades, dishonest, and stealing money and other things from his family, me included.

For a long time I have just been hanging on. The kids have a father that lives far away and has nothing to do with them, so we have them 24/7, 365. I've done my best do be a good stepfather, but the stress has just been through the roof lately. (It's gotten a little better since SS14 is at this boarding school).

I've found myself thinking that there's light at the end of the tunnel: SS17 will be a senior this year and will be moving away after that, and in another 4 years SS14 will be leaving (hopefully). Both kids have stated they want to move somewhere else after graduation because "it's so awful where we live" so I'm hoping they are true to their word.

So, does it really get better? Or am I kidding myself? I mean, it can't hurt that that they will finally be out of the house most of the time, and I won't have to deal with all their bullshit.

LizzieA's picture

It will get better if you don't allow them to live with you after they are adults. Otherwise, no. Unless they have a spiritual ephiphany and realize they are jerks.

OptimisticMe's picture

Sorry, I can't offer much help (instead I am requesting it). How exactly did you get him into a boarding school? Does private insurance cover that sort of thing?

My SD12 has RAD and is about as horrible as you can imagine. Complete disrespect, completely ungrateful...we are a gravy train to her and that is it. She lies, steals, was violent and abusive to her siblings (mood stabilizers helped that). Anyways, if you could let me know how boarding school is paid for, that would be great. Most programs insurance covers that I looked into would still be $1,000/mo out of pocket with insurance paying 90%.

BigEasy1203's picture

This is a wonderful place, it's payed for entirely by private donations. It's kind of like a boys home / boarding school. We did not have to pay anything at all to send him there. We would not have been able to afford something else. I think there may be something similar in other states. You should look into it.

One thing to note, they have a long application process and will only take troubled kids, but they do not take kids that have more serious issues, like addictions, violent behavior, cutting, suicidal behaviors, etc.

hismineandours's picture

Yeah, it gets better- when they leave. I've known my ss14 since he was 1 and the only times it has been good is when he's lived elsewhere and we've had no contact with him. He is living with my inlaws right now. He's been there a week. Before that he was with us for 4 months. Prior to that he was with my inlaws again for 7 months. Prior to that he was with his bm. yeah, he's moved around alot-it's because his behavior is so horrible that noone can tolerate him. If you have any other info on the boys school-please post or send me a message. We looked into that and the only thing we could find are places that wanted us to pay 30,000 a year. We were looking at placing him for the next 4 years and couldnt see spending 120,000 just because ss lives being an ass.

Orange County Ca's picture

Anytime teens outgrow being teens it gets better for parents who realize their job is done and for better or worse let go. It's a good sign that Mom let that one kid go. She realizes that sometimes its better to let them go than to try and fix everything.

Moms is also apparently ready to let the 17yo go and that will be a good test also. If the 17yo wants to come back and she refuses or can be talked into refusing I'd say you're on your way to calmer waters. I'd wait to see how that works out.