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Off topic DH being unreasonable

Stephell56's picture

I have always loved animals and when I got my own house I wanted to be a foster for a local shelter for dogs. I find this very rewarding taking a unwanted stray and finding a loving home for them. When DH and I purchased our first home I was finally able to do this. DH unfortunately has never been keen on the idea and over the last couple of years seems to be less tolerant of me doing this.

Now if DH did not like dogs I could understand but thats not the case. DH even has his own dog! The shelter pays for everything including all vet care/food. All I have to do is take care of them and occasionally bring them to the vet when needed. I have never asked DH to help walk the dogs/clean up after them. The ONLY thing I've asked him to do is feed them and this is maybe twice a week when I have to work and can't do it myself. This takes all of five minutes for him to do.

DH complained the "foster dogs" were taking away from our time together so I started walking them/vet visits/ cleaning up after them whenever DH was either at work or out with SS. This way when DH was home I was not tending to the dog/puppy except for a quick bathroom break.

DH then complained that it was "stressing" me out and making me tired taking care of the dog/puppy. Yes sometimes when a young puppy gets sick or even dies it stresses me out BUT it was not as stressful as SS screaming 24/7 running through the house which I told DH. So I completing stopped telling DH when one dog/puppy was sick or I was feeling tired and just kept every time even slightly negative about the dogs to myself.

DH then complained that the "foster dogs" were taking away from the "working of the household". Meaning the time I'm putting into caring for the "foster dogs" I could be cleaning/doing yard work ect. NOW this is what REALLY was the problem all along I firmly believe. Now I will say its not like I have to bottle feed these animals around the clock or that I have 5 dogs at a time. At most I have two foster dogs and its really not allot of work. A few walks a day and feeding them twice a day. Yes its more work if they get sick but even that is not what i would consider unreasonable. I've pointed out that DH couching SS football team, running him to DR appointments or a friends house across town takes way more time than what I spend with the foster dogs.

This is the ONLY hobby if you can call it that that I do. I hardly ever go out with friends so its not like I'm spending lots of time doing other things outside the house.

I really get great enjoyment out of doing this BUT DH is making it so uncomfortable its causing me great stress. I've explained this to DH and all he does is repeat the things above and says in a snotty tone "I'm just telling how I feel".

Thoughts, suggestions???

 

tog redux's picture

Does he have any hobbies? Does he watch football or play video games? Golf? That takes away from the "working of the household".  Is he home working on the house 24/7? Doesn't he feed and walk his own dog and take it to the vet?

 

2Tired4Drama's picture

... I'd be willing to bet that your DH is playing a "tit for tat" game with you.

Based on what you've written, you may have said or implied at some point that SS takes time away, impacts the household, etc. and your DH took that message and kept score.  He made it clear he wasn't keen on the idea of having the foster dogs so it's probably been simmering with him for awhile. 

So now that YOU have animals which take up your time and attention, your DH just might be petty and he wants to say/imply that these animals are taking time away or impacting your household.  This is his way of getting back for anything you may have inferred about SS over the years. 

Could this be possible?  If it is, then I'd say your DH is being a childish ass.  He knows this is something you enjoy, that brings you fulfilment, and is a BENEFIT to your community, yet he wants to throw cold water on it.  

 

Stephell56's picture

SS is a only child and DH is FULLY devoted to him. Devoted enough that it interferes with DH and I going away together. Devoted enough that if we want to do something as a family it has to be oked by SS first or we don't go. Devoted enough when SS is over which is almost 50/50 DH does VERY little housework/yard work unless SS is at a friends house which happens almost never. Yes I have pointed this out to DH in the past.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Your H sounds both selfish and controlling. He devotes a large chunk of his time and resources to parenting, yet resents that you have an interest that you're passionate about. Does he expect you to just sit on a shelf like a doll while he's busy doing the things he loves? 

Stand up for yourself. Tell him that you've accepted SS, and he needs to accept your fosters.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

No. He expects her to do cleaning or yardwork. 

DH has SS. OP has foster dogs. 'D'H is having a big ol' Non-Pop moment...

Swim_Mom's picture

If he cannot be supportive of what's important to you, he can't expect you to put ujp with his brat.  Sounds like your dogs are much better company than SS. Thank you for what you are doing for these dogs!

Lollybobs's picture

Free to good home: Husband and son. Experienced offers only as training is required.