You are here

MIL issues....

leather64's picture

How would you respond to being asked to "board your dogs" so that out of town family could stay in your home for a family reunion?

Well, my reaction was not good. I was honestly offended, and told my DH, no I am not going to do that. We have a dog that isn't always friendly, and neither of us are comfortable exposing "toddlers or children" to him. This "subject" is a constant argument in my home. Now, my MIL keeps calling my home, cell phone, and now my work because she is trying to sway my feelings. I have no problem inviting adult family to stay, just no kids. I haven't returned any of her phone calls, because I don't have anything to say and want to be left alone. Apparently, she hasn't gotten the hint. I realize I probably didn't handle the situation properly by not returning her phone calls, but now I feel like I'm being harassed. My DH doesn't agree with me and will not put her in her place. I'm so annoyed!!

Comments

leather64's picture

We do have room for guests, mental energy---no. But I agreed to invite adult family members, but she wants a family to stay with us who have 2 toddlers under the age of 5.

I have blocked her from my phone, and I told him last night my decision is final...now drop it.

leather64's picture

I appreciate your comment, but to clarify, he is not dangerous but he gets anxiety and becomes overprotective when strangers are in our home. He has a tendancy to "nip" at heels because of the "herding" instinct. We have had numerous "adult" guests stay with no problems, but children makes us uncomfortable because he's never been around them.

Our dogs are like our family, and "boarding them" is simply ridiculous to me.

twoviewpoints's picture

If the reunion is taking place in my home/lawn, I'd board the unpredictable dog for the assured safety of my invited guest.

If the reunion is not being held on my property but someone invited to the event is trying to sponge a freebie in my home? I'd board the freeloader at the nearest hotel.

MIL could hunt me down and whine all she wants. Wouldn't faze me. No is no.

Tuff Noogies's picture

i may or may not respond as you did, but boarding your dog or not is not the issue i see here. it's the blatant disrespect towards you. you made your decision, your MIL didnt like your answer. too effing bad, it's your house, not hers. she has absolutely NO right to pester you about it. like twoview said above, "no is no".

MIL can f*ck off. your house, your rules. bravo for blocking her.

Tuff Noogies's picture

huh. i missed that, lady.

well, here's my thoughts on that. yes, it should have been discussed and they should have come to a mutual decision together. that did not happen, OP responded right away to MIL. now the dh needs to back his wife up in front of the rest of the family, then they can sort it out amongst themselves behind closed doors.

just like parents expect out of eachother, in front of the kids. what he's done is basically said "i dont agree, u're on your own with this one." revoking support as punishment for a misstep is not a kind, loving thing from your life partner.

furkidsforme's picture

This is a little off topic and really has nothing to do with whatever you decide....

You are expecting your MIL to behave like a mature adult and respect your choice to not board the dog. (which I agree with, but that is neither here nor there) Yet YOU are responding like a child and avoiding her phone calls and blocking her.

Why not also be a mature adult, and politely but firmly tell her NO, and that NO means NO, and that you don't appreciate being hounded to change your mind.

There's no reason to avoid the conversation, other than to be immature and not be willing to have a small confrontation. You are being reasonable. You are willing to host adult guests. You can not accommodate children. End of story.

But stop holding her to a standard of mature behavior you don't hold yourself to.

leather64's picture

Let me clarify, I did have a conversation originally with her and let her no that I am not willing/comfortable boarding dogs, but adults are welcome to stay. She doesn't seem to get that concept and thinks that we should accommodate a family with 2 toddlers under the age of 5. I literally feel like I have been stalked by her.

KittyKatMomma's picture

All I can say is "Your house, your rules"

My SIL has 3 dogs. 1 has issues with those in the house that doesn't live IN the house.
If any company comes over,they have to place him in the kennel in the back yard.

And his behavior is quite scary.
I refuse to go over there or allow my DD over there.

There are friends who refuse to bring their kids over because of the dog-that's their choice.

Just like MIL is offering you kennels for your dog, I'[m sure you can just as easily look some hotels for the family.

notasm3's picture

"No thank you" is my response to most stupid requests.

I don't think it's childish to ignore her phone calls. She's been given an answer. She just doesn't like it. If she's acting like an annoying telemarketer than she doesn't deserve any better treatment than you'd give a persistent telephone salesperson. Not answering is better than "click".

Peridwen's picture

Out of curiosity, who asked you about boarding your dogs? Was it the family who was invited to visit or your MIL? Was the family with young kids invited to stay with you originally or get added later? I am just trying to get some of the background.

From the perspective of the family with young kids going to visit relatives:

I would rather get a hotel room or stay home than risk my toddler with a dog that isn't used to children. We went to visit DH's grandparents and were invited to stay with them at DH's aunt's home by DH's aunt. We had a 1.5yo, 7yo, and 9yo at the time. What his aunt didn't tell us is that her dogs had never been around young kids. And her poodles went after our kids every time they went past because they ran, skipped or jumped. One of the dogs seemed to take an instant dislike to our toddler for no apparent reason and did bite DH when trying to get at BS. DH's grandpa kept sending the dogs out of the rooms or outside, but DH and I just tried to remind our kids to go slowly and ignore the dogs. Both dogs were ok with the older two as long as they went slowly (acted more like adults). By the end of the visit both dogs were playing fetch with SD, though the one still went after BS. We carried our 1.5yo or placed ourselves between him and the dogs. It took away quite a bit from the visit since we had to be so hyper vigilant beyond normal parenting. Despite that we never asked Aunt to change the dogs routine or put them up. As we were the guests, we changed our behaviors. If we'd known about her dogs in advance, we would have said thanks for the invite, but we will stay in a hotel.

I would not have asked her to board her dogs just so we could stay with them. DH and I both feel that guests do not have the right to request changes to the host's home unless the host offers the change.

leather64's picture

Originally, DH and I both agreed that because of our one dog we would allow family visiting to stay who were adults. Then, because MIL felt a certain family with toddlers would want to stay with us, she felt we should board the dogs. Now take into consideration, the family in question has never asked to stay and for all we know they will get a hotel.

She is just overstepping her boundaries, and honestly I feel has become a sort of bully at this point.

robin333's picture

I see it as asking a family member to be boarded. This is my fur babies' home...

That said, I have 2 dogs that are friendly but not exposed to little people often. When my family with a little person visits, my dogs are either outside or in my room if the little one is out and about the house.

Is there any possibility of something like that? I ask since your DH isn't in agreement and it is his home too.

leather64's picture

Unfortunately, that is not an option. We have a large home, but our dogs have the run of the house.

Willow2010's picture

I will never understand the thought process behind people/family, who want to travel and then STAY with family or friends. Find a freaking hotel. My whole family and in inlaws are like this. They just LOVE to stay with us. Not me…I want my own private hotel to relax in and have privacy in. Drives me nuts. I always let people stay with us, (even though I don’t like it) but they get mad when we won’t stay with them. Lol.

Now…on to your issue. You already have a crazy dog, so boarding it will not be a good thing IMHO. Call your MIL and tell her that you are sorry but the dog can NOT be boarded. The people who board dogs would not be able to handle him and he would get kicked out anyway for being aggressive. Sorry but maybe they can stay at with her.

This does sound like no one handled this situation very well.

notsobad's picture

A little off topic.
Our counsellor has a wolf, full wolf not a hybrid. Their last was 50/50 wolf/shepard.

She said no one ever asks to stay with them, LOL