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MIL Issues...Update to the Update! And yes the drama continues....

leather64's picture

Original Post:
How would you respond to being asked to "board your dogs" so that out of town family could stay in your home for a family reunion?

Well, my reaction was not good. I was honestly offended, and told my DH, no I am not going to do that. We have a dog that isn't always friendly, and neither of us are comfortable exposing "toddlers or children" to him. This "subject" is a constant argument in my home. Now, my MIL keeps calling my home, cell phone, and now my work because she is trying to sway my feelings. I have no problem inviting adult family to stay, just no kids. I haven't returned any of her phone calls, because I don't have anything to say and want to be left alone. Apparently, she hasn't gotten the hint. I realize I probably didn't handle the situation properly by not returning her phone calls, but now I feel like I'm being harassed. My DH doesn't agree with me and will not put her in her place. I'm so annoyed!!

Well, I spoke to MIL on phone last night. Conversation went as follows:

MIL: I'm sad that you are avoiding me, I wanted to discuss a few things with you regarding family coming in for reunion.

ME: As I mentioned to DH numerous times in the past weeks, I do not wish to discuss any further the "boarding of the dogs" with you or him. You have called numerous times without a response from me, I thought you would figure out I don't want to discuss it with you any further. I will not be boarding the dogs, DH said he talked to you last night and gave you our options, so leave it at that please.

MIL: Contrary to your belief, I pretty much got the message that you'd rather not have guests after the second appeal. I just wanted some clarification from you directly.

WTF??? If she "got the message," why pursue it any further? She's just mad because she didn't get her way. Can we say.....BULLY!!

Today, I receive this email from MIL:

I'm sorry if I caused problems between you and DH. That was not my intention,
and doubt that I have that kind of power. I told DH that I should have
gone directly to you in the first place, but that's hind site. My recent calls were to ask about another option. If that wasn't agreeable then go to plan B and the financial info thing. That too is a mute issue. This reunion is important to me because it's possibly the last time that I'll see some of these people. The only drawing card to get people here is a reunion. Most I have not seen in 5 years since the last reunion. If I'm even here in 5 years, doubt that I'll have the energy to do another one. I'm sure that you can relate to that having a sibling living out of state.

My RESPONSE:

I appreciate your apology, and understand your plight. Has it occurred to you that you might be unnecessarily jumping the gun on trying to foresee the "accommodation needs" for those who might be attending? In my opinion, if family/loved ones really want to attend the reunion they will, regardless of their options for accommodations. Meaning, it wouldn't be a deciding factor in most cases.
We offered to have adults stay with us for the reunion, which I feel is reasonable and un-negotiable. I'm sure everything will work out.
Hopefully this clarifies things for you, because I am done discussing it any further.

Comments

hereiam's picture

If the only way to get her family to the reunion is to provide them free accommodations, perhaps they are not that interested in seeing her.

twopines's picture

Good grief your MIL is so dramatic. The fate of her living to see her relatives rests with the living situation of your dogs, lol.

Sweet T's picture

Is your husband being a united front on this? That is the key.

It seems like she just wants what she wants and doesn't get that you are willing to take in adults only.

Gimlet's picture

She puts a LOT on your being able to host people, which should have little to no bearing on this.

If I'm even here in 5 years, doubt that I'll have the energy to do another one

Gah, those sorts of sentences are so passive aggressive.

Also, it's too bad she isn't a "mute" issue }:)

notsobad's picture

She obviously thinks that this reunion should be as important to you as it is to her.
You've done all you can, just keep repeating that the adults are more than welcome to stay with you. But you will not board your dog.

notsobad's picture

Hahahahaha, I saw that too! It's moot, a moot point!
A debatable question, an issue open to argument; also, an irrelevant question, a matter of no importance

leather64's picture

Omg...you made me laugh. I also saw the grammar errors, but it only makes her look more ridiculous because she can't write or spell intelligently. It's hard for me to take her seriously.

notasm3's picture

Even if I had no pets I would not want 2 small toddlers staying in with me for more than an hour or two. My home is not baby proofed at all.

I have never expected others to let me bring my dog if I was visiting - even for 15 minutes.

moeilijk's picture

Aha. She talks like my mother. My mom thinks she can control people because: 1. she's old, 2. she's ill, and 3. she offers money.

She's not so bad, really, but those things really piss me off.

In your shoes, I would have responded a bit differently. Mostly to just let her know that I am not giving her bs any headspace, and to give her pushback.

Dear MIL,

No problem, I understand. Organizing a family reunion certainly sounds like a lot of work. It would be nice if there were an easier way to see people. If you've bitten off more than you can chew, perhaps you can ask a relative to take on some of the work. Not me, of course, I feel I'm contributing enough by being willing to host a couple of the adults. But it's really too bad that the family reunion is causing you so much worry and stress. It should be fun!

Good luck with it all,
DIL

notarelative's picture

Did it ever occur to your MIL that the people with kids would not want to stay at your house? Most people, well those that I know, understand that small kids and unfamiliar dogs, together for a lengthy period of time, are a recipe for disaster. Most people would not want you to board your dogs so that they could stay there.

You offered accommodations for adults. That was generous.

Peridwen's picture

I-m so happy This. Have you ever spoken directly to the family with kids? Like I said on your original post, I have young kids and I would never knowingly risk my young'uns in a home with non-kid safe pets. I think your MIL might be putting her accommodation desires on both you and that family. You might be able to convince your DH to be on your side if he calls his cousins (other relatives?) directly.

leather64's picture

Thanks for your kind words. I hate that i had to play my "bitch" card, but she forced my hand.

ownpersonalopinion1's picture

Did you pick up on the "financial" part of the email? I take that to mean someone in her group she wants to come can't afford a hotel room. If they can't afford a hotel, that probably also means they can't afford to eat out. This translate to them piling up on up and eating your food because they can't afford anywhere else to stay or eat. BUT, you are expected to also have the expense of boarding your dog? Money is their problem. They can't afford to make the trip.