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Hello All, Been Awhile

Learning to Stepparent's picture

Submitted by Learning to Ste... on Fri, 01/01/2016 - 3:09pm

I haven't posted in awhile, just thought I would stop in and say hi.

It took about 5 months but the CPS case stemming from BM giving SD a black eye last spring was finally closed. That was a joy and a half let me tell you. Since BM lives 3 hours away they had to coordinate the investigation between two offices which caused some issues. I have never dealt with CPS before and hope never to again. It was absolutely amazing to me that they knew darn well who gave SD the black eye (as far as I know BM never even denied it) but at first the office where she lives said it wasn't worth it for them to go out to her house to check on SD when she was there on the weekend but a social worker was at our house asking how often my daughter sees her father and demanding to see her and her room to make sure she is OK and informed us that she would be stopping by both our house and daycare/school once a month to check on the kids but it wasn't a priority to check on SD when she was with the person who actually abused her.

We finally made it through that and are now back to just the standard step family issues. I came darn close to throwing something hard at DH's head last week. SD had to go to BM's on the 26th and I offered to drive her since DH was working and it was his families Christmas party that night and if he took SD after work he would miss it. Which was fine. I don't mind taking her down every now and then. What chapped my butt was that he manages a grocery store and before I left he asked me to swing by the store because BM had ordered 2 cases of energy drinks and I had to take them down. Ummm.....why is she ordering groceries from you? The stores where she lives don't have energy drinks? And furthermore if she bought crap from you why am I hand delivering it to her? I'm not her delivery boy. DH tried to tell me he was just trying to help out the store by giving them a sale and helping them make some profit. She gave me some BS story about how none of the stores down where she lives carried the singles of Rockstar and when she saw DH could get them she decided to order 2 cases. That's the first I have heard of any energy drink being sold in anything but a single serving container. I even got the pleasure of collecting the cash for it then delivering it up to DH.

I was furious. I should have flat out refused to do it and I did tell DH that he better never ask me to do that again. At first he didn't understand why I was so mad even though I told him the day of the issue was that BM is too good to raise her kid so it was dumped in my lap. BM is too good to pay a decent a mount in child support so the balance gets dumped on us. BM is too good to pay a decent portion of SD's medical bills so that gets dumped on us. BM is too good to get off her lazy butt and actually take SD to any of her therapy sessions or any other doctors appointment so that gets dumped on us too. Now she is too good to even pick up her own groceries so I am expected to do that too? Hell no. I absolutely will not ever do that again. It took him 2 days but I think he finally understood how crappy that was of him.

He better because if he pulls that again his butt will be in a sling.

Comments

HappilySelfish679's picture

Submitted by HappilySelfish679 on Fri, 01/01/2016 - 3:41pm

Reminds me of my FIL who I visited in Europe and he gave me a bunch of stuff BM wanted from Europe FOR ME to shlep back in my suitcase . This is a woman who texted me she hopes everyday I die in a car accident and who financially ruined ( for a while ) his son .
The stuff never made it to BM but I re- gifted it all to the lady who was pet sitting my cats .

Learning to Stepparent's picture

Submitted by Learning to Ste... on Fri, 01/01/2016 - 5:07pm

BM and DH got divorced because she was sleeping with DH's BIL for something like 2 years. What I cannot grasp is that BM didn't just cheat on DH she cheated on SIL too. This woman cheated on both of my MILs kids AND gave the prodigal grandchild a black eye and yet still, she gets to spend the weekend at MILs house whenever she can't take SD to whatever hovel she is shacking up in at the time. The in laws have given her thousands of dollars over the years, they gave her a car, paid to put a new transmission in the car, helped her move more times than anyone can count since she moves about 3 or 4 times a year on average, etc. The list goes on and on. I just cannot fathom why people keep doing things for her when she acts like that.

I told DH that my life is currently spent cleaning up the cluster you know what that woman left in her wake and I'll be god damned if I hand deliver her groceries on top of it.

ETA: Of course it also chapped my behind that she is currently about $150 behind in child support due to medical bills she refuses to pay her portion of and another $60 is about to get tacked on too but she has $50 in cash to hand me for energy drinks. Priorities ya know.

Learning to Stepparent's picture

Submitted by Learning to Ste... on Fri, 01/01/2016 - 5:17pm

I don't know if he gave her any kind of discount or not. I know we don't even get a discount on our groceries but I suppose there may have been a sale or something on them.

Learning to Stepparent's picture

Submitted by Learning to Ste... on Fri, 01/01/2016 - 5:37pm

Well, she got 2 cases for $50 so I doubt it was much of a discount but who knows.

I tend to think she did it just to see if she could get him to do her yet another favor. She's big on manipulation and control.

Maxwell09's picture

Submitted by Maxwell09 on Fri, 01/01/2016 - 9:00pm

I'm just going to say in this situation instead of offering for me to drive SD to BM along with a load of drinks; I would have told DH that since BM needs to come collect her drinks and pay for them she could swing by his family's Christmas party and picked up SD before heading back to BMville. But I base most of my decisions on how little I can do with everyone getting to where they need to be with the least amount of stress or friction. Meh. Better luck next time girl!

Learning to Stepparent's picture

Submitted by Learning to Ste... on Fri, 01/01/2016 - 10:59pm

I was too mad to pay too close attention but I know she didn't get 24 packs. I actually think they may have been 12 packs. I remember she commented that should last her a couple months and I thought "A couple months? How often do you drink them?" because there really weren't that many there.

Anyway, yes, I agree, if she got some special discount that would irritate me and I would feel it was crossing boundaries. I really don't know if she did or not.

Learning to Stepparent's picture

Submitted by Learning to Ste... on Fri, 01/01/2016 - 10:56pm

Yeah, that's pretty much what I told him.

Special orders is something they do all the time. People always ask for them to get things in that they don't normally carry or a large order of something. That's not unusual. However, it is unusual for someone that lives 3 hours away to order something and expect it to be hand delivered.

When I first flipped out on him he said he would never ask me to take SD down again. I take SD down very rarely and normally don't mind when I do. If I started having to do it on a more regular basis then yes, I would mind.

I told him driving SD down wasn't the point. BM ordering something from the store wasn't the point. I don't give a rats behind if she orders all her groceries from the store. More business for the store=more job security for him.

What I care about is being asked to act as her delivery boy. I told him basically what I posted in my OP. She is behind in child support and we have to make up for it. She won't take her special needs child to the doctor or therapy so we have to make up for it. We have paid about $2500 out of pocket over the last two years to fix her teeth because at 5 1/2 years old the kid has had 12 cavities, 1 abscess, 6 metal crowns, and two kiddie root canals due to neglect and feeding her nothing but junk (this one is on both of them). Child support is set at $124 a month which she is frequently behind on and is always behind on her portion of medical expenses. She can't scrape together enough money to pay her portion of SD's latest batch of medical bills (her portion is something like $60 if I remember correctly) but she had the money to fly to England to go to a One Direction concert. She gave SD a black eye which means we got to deal with CPS for more than 4 months and I'm supposed to hand deliver her groceries and ask for money to pay for them? Never again. The only reason I did it this time was because I was already taking SD down and the drink delivery was tacked on as an after thought the day I took her down.

DH was in the doghouse for about 3 days over that. I don't think he'll try it again.

Learning to Stepparent's picture

Submitted by Learning to Ste... on Fri, 01/01/2016 - 11:13pm

Thanks. She has her moments.

I'm mad at myself for even doing it in the first place. Sometimes I think I'm being ridiculous because it took absolutely zero effort on my part to do this for her and that I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill. But then I stop and think no, I'm not. It would be great if we could have the type of relationship with her where we do each other favors and are respectful of each other if not friendly but we don't. She is a user and a manipulator and it is a one way street with her. At least I rallied at the end and told DH off for asking me to do it in the first place.

Cocoa's picture

Submitted by Cocoa on Sat, 01/02/2016 - 3:38am

That sounds like a non skid related issue and he shouldn't be talking to her about ANYTHING else imo