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6 years old and SD is still apparently not potty trained.

Learning to Stepparent's picture

So DH and I took SD6 to the neuromuscular specialist to take another look at the toe walking. At the appointment last fall the doctor said as far as anyone can tell she is walking on her toes due to sensory issues and not anything physical (which we already knew) and that she could put her in braces to force her to walk heel toe but that as soon as you take the braces off she would be right back on her toes so she didn't think that method would be successful. Which is fine, I totally respect that opinion and it makes sense. However, she recommended we remind SD to walk on her heels every time we saw her up on her toes. We told her we spent about 10 months doing that a few years ago and it didn't have any effect but she wanted us to do it anyway. She also suggested a sticker chart. I asked how a sticker chart was supposed to help and she said to give her a sticker if we only had to remind her 3 times that day. Umm..... 3 times? You're joking right? The kid is on her toes roughly 75% of the time.

Anyway, DH and I decided that while we weren't going to pressure the doctor to put SD in braces we were going to be firm that we are not going to nag her to walk on her heels anymore. It does not work, all it serves to do is frustrate all involved and that is not helpful.

So, we get to the appointment today, which is a good 90 minutes away from home, and are told the appointment was 2 1/2 hours earlier in the day. I had written down 3:30 but they claimed it was at 1. Thankfully, they squeezed us in at about 4:15 so it could have been worse. As soon as we walked in I asked SD if she needed to go to the bathroom and she said no so I went alone. Not 15 minutes later we are in the waiting room and she is playing with some toys and all of a sudden whispers "Daddy" and we look over and she is clutching at her crotch. She pissed her pants right there in the waiting room. I mean soaked her shorts, soaked her socks, dripped all down her legs into her shoes, dripped on the carpet and the chair she was kneeling on, everything. The kid is 6 years old and has been potty trained for 2 years. I told DH that I had JUST asked her if she needed to go and she told me no. I don't know what the hell is wrong with the kid.

The doctor decided to try shoe inserts to try to curb the toe walking so we are going to give those a shot. We don't know how effective they will be but at least we won't have to nag her all the time.

Also, she is going to throw her weight behind the neuropsychology referral to try and get an appointment for an evaluation some time before this time next year. We will see how that goes.

In the mean time, she seems rather baffled and says that basically, the diagnosis that fits all SD's symptoms best is autism but the ADOS test performed a year ago says she doesn't have autism. We aren't real sure where that leaves us at the moment, I guess in a holding pattern until we see the neuropsychologist. The doc today offered an MRI to try and get some answers as to why she has the issues she does but it would mean putting her under general anesthesia and the doc is pretty confident that it wouldn't change the treatment plan at all so I'm not sure what we will do there. I mean, theoretically, more information is always good in cases like this but all it is likely to do is say why, not change treatment, and the doc isn't real confident it will even tell us why she has the challenges she does so I'm not sure it's worth it. I don't know what DH will decide to do there.

Comments

RainbowsAndDaisies's picture

When Skid was little she would tell me she didn't have to use the bathroom, I'd go, and ten minutes later Skid would have to go. I just started to take her to the bathroom with me if we were out no matter what. If she told me she didn't have to go, I'd tell her to go in one of the stalls and try any way. Most of the time she did have to go.

Learning to Stepparent's picture

Sure but did she piss her pants 10 minutes later because she didn't bother to go?

Indigo's picture

I just about pee-d my own pants today after an hour long traffic pile-up on the interstate.

Kids are wayyyyyy different. Her behavior sounds within the realm of "normal" to me. Ask a kid if they have to 'go' they say no. A few miles down the road, they have to go. (BS on the road in Nebraska this weekend). It's not so much a 'bothering not to go' situation as an awareness of bladder signals.

I'm sorry for your SD.

Disneyfan's picture

She had an accident. It happens. At the age you don't ask if they have to go, you tell them to go try.LOL And you go with them to make sure they try. (And to gloat when they do)

thinkthrice's picture

Definitely don't ask, TELL! Sounds like she is simply saying no to you just to be defiant. As far as the toe walking goes, I know adults that lapse into toe walking. One of them is a former coworker.

Learning to Stepparent's picture

Her mother is downstate partying it up with her friends. She was informed of the appointment months ago when we made it. She didn't care to show.

Learning to Stepparent's picture

He was there. He took her in the bathroom to clean her up as best he could while I drove around a strange city for 20 minutes looking for a place to buy her some clean clothes but I came up dry.

notarelative's picture

Toe walking
Has anyone suggested physical therapy? My oldest was a toe walker and the pediatric neurologist told us that most toe walkers have short heel cords. There are exercises that can be done to stretch the heel cords and make walking easier.

Physical therapy did lengthen my child's heel cords and bring the feet down.

Learning to Stepparent's picture

She doesn't have short heel cords. Toe walking can be because of that but it can also be due to neurological issues which is what is causing it for SD.

notarelative's picture

The neurological issues cause the toe walking. Repeated constant toe walking can cause the heel cords to not grow at the usual rate. Even if the child can stand with the feet flat, as my child could, the heel cords can still be shorter than they should be.

You know your child and the diagnosis best. All I am saying is that if physical therapy has not been tried it may be worth a shot. A few sessions to learn the exercises and then daily repetition of the exercises at home can lessen or eliminate toe walking in many cases.

Learning to Stepparent's picture

Yes, if the issue is short heel cords which SD does not have.

She has been evaluated for that by two pediatricians, a physical therapist, an occupational therapist, and a neuromuscular specialist. Every one of them agrees she does not have short heel cords. She has normal muscle tone and range of motion. Exercises will help if the heel cords are short but they don't do a darn thing if the problems are solely neurological. We have done those. They didn't do any good.

Indigo's picture

Ohh, so she is being deliberately obstructive and annoying by toe-walking ... must be a behavioral issue due to poor parenting. {sarcasm alert}

kathc's picture

She didn't want to stop playing and use the bathroom. Kids that young need to be told "use the bathroom" not asked if they need to. Hell my skid is a teen and I still say "go to the bathroom" before we get in the car for a long drive.

Jlbfinch's picture

A kindergartener wetting their pants is not exactly the crime of the century even if it is a step kid.

robin333's picture

The accident sounds age appropriate. It happens. I would take my DD into the bathroom with me at that age and I kept a change of clothes in the trunk.

Due to certain circumstances, I used to frequently go 12 to 14 hours without being able to use the bathroom. It affects how the brain interprets those signals from the brain. I usually have 5 minutes to get to a toilet from when I am aware I have to go.

It sounds like the toe walking is a habit which means she is most likely unaware that she is doing it. Just like thumb sucking.

moeilijk's picture

I'm so surprised that peeing pants is normal at this age! My kid is 2 and the only times she pees her pants is when it's a defiance issue at the end of the day (when everything else has gone wrong in her world).

Of course, at 2 I do insist that she pees before meals, before going outside and before putting on her pyjamas.

Can I really expect to still be doing that in four more years?

Learning to Stepparent's picture

In my opinion, no. It does seem very odd to me that I have to force her to go to the bathroom at 6 years old for fear of her wetting herself. 4 years old? Sure. 6 years old? No.

However, back in the day, all kids (barring those with developmental issues of course) were potty trained at 2 and that is becoming more and more unusual. The age to potty train is being pushed later and later and it is no longer deemed unusual to have a 3 year old in diapers let alone a 6 year old who wets herself.

I mean sure, if I ask her if she needs to go and she says no and 10 minutes later says she needs to go I would find that normal. Annoying, yes, but normal. But no, I do not at all consider it normal to ask her if she needs to go and then have her wet herself not 15 minutes later.

We couldn't get her potty trained until her 4th birthday and we worked on it for months. I asked my daycare provider (the one I had as a child, she has been doing it for DECADES) about any tips and she just kind of sighed and shook her head and said that it used to be that all kids were trained at 2. She doesn't know what changed but that is just not the way anymore. Now it is considered no big deal to have a 3 1/12 year old child in diapers and a preschooler still having regular accidents.

It used to be a child could not be enrolled in preschool until they are potty trained but apparently that is starting to change. I know the preschool SD went to no longer requires it, I imagine because it is becoming more and more common that kids are still in diapers at that age.