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Need some feedback, appropriate behavior w/ BM or am I wrong?

Honey Baby's picture

Ok (HI), I'm a newbie here. The other day you all helped w/ a big problem and I dumped my guy after 3 yrs. So, now I keep thinking what partly lead to this. It was a problem I had for a while. And I don't know if I'm nuts or what. So here it is. XBF was married/together total for a yr, that relationship quickly produced a child, now 14.

The BM is a complete bitch. Very fake. Took my XBF for years for support, even when it was 50/50. When he took full custody she said thanks for doing that, now I can't hire a housekeeper anymore (WTF). Anyway, she sees the son MAYBE on the weekends when she's not partying it up (2 DUIs).

The son plays sports and it irked me that at games she'd plop her big butt next to him (or us) UNLESS she brought her husband. In that case, they sat at the opposite side. I would say, tell her to sit elsewhere. XBF would say, I can't help where she sits, plus it's my son's mother. AGHHHHHHHH!

There's been times she would show up unannounced to check homework then just complain about things within his house (like decor). None of her biz I say then show her the door (he never did). I can go on, but you get the point.

So maybe a month or so ago he says BM has extra tix to a ball game she's taking the son to, do we want to go. I say, nope, hate her. He says OK, we're not going. Then he says this week, I'm going because my son wants me to go. I was PISSED. I felt he should have said to his son (to respect my feelings) he'd pass and they (or us) would go to another game. As I previously posted (the fight), he said his son's feelings would always come before mine. She picked them up (before us breaking up) and they all went.

He never set boundaries on the BM so that's why she does as she pleases, which maddened me! He says he never truly loved her and he only went to the game because his son wanted him to. I felt disrespected. I mentioned before, due to her lack of seeing the boy, he should take her for support since she was ok doing that to him. He'd always say no, like he walks on eggshells around her, for no reason. He stated for a while he was afraid she'd take the boy back but honestly this fake bitch is too busy drinking it up at the bar to care. He would always go back to the excuse, that's my son's mother.

Was I being insensitive? I just felt like, you've been with me for 3yrs, her 1. But somehow this woman gets whatever she wants. I got zero. Also, many times she cancelled her weekends for taking the son, so our plans changed. He NEVER confronted her, saying something like, sorry I have plans, you need to take him.

Was I right or's on my mind and will be without some advise. THANK YOU.

Honey Baby's picture

The sad part was that he wanted to get married. I had reservations about that due to #1 his unruly child, #2 the BM always lingering #3 his crazy, gossip hungry family.

I'm feeling better about walking away and not feeling crazy, THANK YOU!
(this was my first relationship dealing w/ potential stepkids/ momma drama)

sometimesmomof123kids's picture

You were right. Be glad you are out. Your BF should put you before BM. And he should respect you enough to draw lines. He should love you enough to back you up. And not saying he should always pick you over his child, but he should do things for his child alone, with you, etc. and pick his battles so that you are not forced into being massively uncomfortable unless SKs are say, in the hospital or getting married - a major life event etc...