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Urgent care/ hospital

Kiwi_koala's picture

Hi everyone! My boyfriend recently started doing 50/50 custody a few months ago and today is first days with having the kids for this week. This morning the BM dropped off the kids. I was really worried the oldest was going to miss the bus because BM was almost 30 mins late. I was waiting outside because I was going to just walk her to the bus stop. Bm tells me she doesn't have sneakers ( it's gym day) her lunch is not packed and she is sick and probably should not go to stop, but I can fight with the kid on that (wtf). So I go back inside because she doesn't have lunch anyway. I decided to take her temperature. She has a fever..... My boyfriend's daughter has a tendency to get high fevers so now I'm freaking out. He's in the city at work and his car broke down a few days ago he is getting a new one this weekend and can't get home right now. The mother is refusing to get her says it's not her day. Am I even able to take her to the hospital or urgent care if I need to? Will they treat her without a parent being there? Apparently BM gave her Motrin at 7 but it still went up 2 degrees in 90 minutes. I just gave Tylenol a little while ago and it helped a little but I'm nervous.

still learning's picture

If there's a true emergency I'd take her to the ER, BM or her father will likely have to come and sign for treatment.  At that point I'd hand her off to her parent. In the future it would be wise not to receive the kids when your boyfriend is not there. He is the one who has 50% custody, not you.  

Quit being the nanny doormat.  

Kiwi_koala's picture

You're right. Normally my boyfriend is here for dropoffs. They are Tuesday nights at 6 but the kids stayed here an extra night last week so BM brought them back this morning instead. 

SkiingSkittles's picture

Wow sounds like she has a great BM. I love when that happens. It’s like when one of the biological parents doesn’t have the kid they feel like they have no responsibility. So irritating. Anyway, I would call the urgent care and let them know your situation. If they say they can treat her then take her if they can’t then get ahold of dad ASAP and he needs to figure it out. She’s his daughter and he is ultimately responsible for her. 

Kiwi_koala's picture

She's the worst. I did call him. He said to bring her if I need to and he will talk to the Dr on the phone. He actually called BM and she is refusing to bring her daughter. My boyfriend was arguing with her and recording the conversation.

tog redux's picture

Oh boy. First off, why are you agreeing to be in charge of his kids when he's not able to be home? They should stay with BM if that's the case.

If she's so ill she needs urgent care, take her - they can call BM and if she won't come (as the closest, most available parent), then that is a CPS report.

But make a better plan for his 50/50 time going forward. BM is clearly pissed off that your BF got 50/50 custody and you shouldn't be in the middle of that.

ESMOD's picture

So.. I am guessing you are staying home as you planned in your earlier posts.. and he is "providing for you".. If that is the case... his expectation that you take care of the kids and home instead of earning a traditional financial income for the home is not unreasonable (I'm not saying I would want to do it.. but it's not an unfair sharing of responsibilities...)

I am fairly certain that if you go to an urgent care/er that you will not be viewed as a guardian of the child.. so they will not treat the child without parents there giving consent.  Now. the only time this might not come into play is if the situation was truly urgent (horrific injuries from a car accident and no time to locate parents.. or parents incapacitated as well).

So, the options are

1.  Call your BF to tell him his child needs to see the DR.. and that you will come pick him up so he can go.

2.  Discuss symptoms with BF and determine together that what the child has is not life threatening and administer OTC at his request  and let the child rest at home.. fluids etc.. he can re-evaluate when he comes home this evening.

3.  Tell the BM that you don't have the legal standing to take the child in.. BF is unreachable.. so she is the child's only option.

4.  Take the child in.. provide both parent's numbers and make the medical professionals call them.. no one will come?  CPS will.

Kiwi_koala's picture

No I actually moved out months ago. I'm just watching them on my two days off and he is taking care of some of the things I need or want in exchange. I won't be watching them anymore though anyway as I'm working in my mom's nutrition practice. 

I kind of figured the ER wouldn't treat her without one of the parents present. 

I can't drive to the city I'll be sitting in so much traffic that it wouldn't be a good idea. 

I gave her Tylenol 2 hrs ago. So far it is helping although I don't have high hopes because she already took Motrin this morning and the fever was back up within 90 minutes. 

My boyfriend called her. She's refusing to take her. 

ESMOD's picture

Unfortunately, it is HIS primary responsibility right now to deal with this.  If that means he has to get a ride home.. so be it.. if it means you need to get in the car and be in the car for a while.. so be it..  this is HIS problem to solve and he can do it with or without your help.

Do you consider her illness to be acute?  is her fever in a dangerous zone?  Any other symptoms or complaints?  Does your husband have anyone else he can call on? his mother for example?

Honestly.. this isn't your issue to fix.. it's his.  Now.. part of the fix is that he asks you to go out of your way.. and that's up to you whether you want to help him or not.  If you can't or won't.. then he has failed to have his child cared for properly.. he is dropping the ball. 

Sure.. it would be "nice" if his EX would come and pick up his slack.. but apparently she has said no.

If you think the child is in medical distress, you should be getting the child to a medical care facility.. and let them call your BF and his EX to let them explain why they won't come to help their sick child... maybe the kid will end up in foster care since neither of them care.

Kiwi_koala's picture

I don't know how long his daughter has been sick. I haven't seen her since Friday. I know she threw up on Saturday twice. I'm not sure this is related. BM didn't really tell me anything this morning just that she was sick and maybe shouldn't go to school so I thought it was a cold or something like that. BM knew she had a fever and brought her anyway. I found out on my own by taking her temperature. Her fever isn't in the danger zone right now but her fevers usually go a little past 104 even with ibuprofen. At least they have in the past. That's why I'm nervous and trying to be prepared in case I have to take her to urgent care. I'm hoping the Tylenol continues to work. Right now she's fine so I'm just watching over her.

Kiwi_koala's picture

Agreed. That's why I won't be watching them anymore. He is usually gone from 5:30 through 5:30 to 6:30 during the week which is the only time they're here. No point in them being here He is currently looking for childcare. I'm just watching them today. That's good to know that CPS would be called on her. She actually wanted 50 50. She's just a terrible person unfortunately.

ESMOD's picture

They will also be called on your BF.. remember it IS his time to be caring for the child.. so he is actually more at fault since he doesn't have a plan to deal with things like this.

justmakingthebest's picture

If you have motrin I would rotate that in as well, it helps with high fevers. My son had seizures when he was younger from them. Start with Tylenol and Motrin together and then start a rotation, every 4 hours give Tylenol and every 6 motrin. 

Kiwi_koala's picture

Her BM gave Motrin at 7 I recently gave Tylenol. I'll keep doing that. Thanks!!

LittleBoPeep's picture

I took my SD to urgent care once because she wasn't feeling well and I didn't have any issues with refusing treatment.

LittleBoPeep's picture

I'm not sure if we were married at the time or not.  To be honest no one even questioned my relationship to her.  They got her registered and we went back to a room for treatment. 

SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture

No boyfriend = no skids.

Not your brats not your problem.

The neglectful, idiot BM is responsible or the Biofather is responsible. Never you.

Be absent and turn your phone off.

Kiwi_koala's picture

lol I agree with you however since I am here right now I could get in trouble if I didn't get her medical attention if she needed it. I would be held responsible if I was still nanny for a random person too.

ESMOD's picture

In this situation,... she can't do that.  She is the one that is currently responsible for the child.

She said that she is taking care of his kids in exchange for help with other things... To me that means her current status is akin to a babysitter.. and she is being "paid" to do this for him.

So... what is the right thing for a parent to do when they hire a babysitter yet the child gets sick?  Either they have had the foresight to get a medical power of atty document drawn up giving the caregiver some amount of legal right/ability to take the child to an urgent care type of office.  OR the parent comes home to take the child to the medical office.. and in this case that seems to be your boyfriend's responsibility since this is his custody time.

As the babysitter (forget the girlfriend part right now it isn't relevant.. he is paying you to care for his kid)... you have a duty to do your best to follow your employer's wishes.  If you feel your employer's wishes are putting your charge in danger.. ie giving pain reliever when the child needs medical attention.. then you have a duty to get the child to a hospital where the authorities will take the ball.  Of course that is likely to end both your relationship as a girlfriend and as a babysitter.

now... as to the EX.. shouldn't she step up?  Well.. if it truly is a situation where the child is gravely ill.. I can't see a normal parent turning their back on the kid.. no matter whose time it is.  But this seems a bit of a grey area.. the area where the kid's illness isn't severe.. but an inconvenience and within the realm of needing to be dealt with by the bio parent who has custody.. at the moment your BF.. and you are his hired caregiver. 

So.. ultimately.. unless you think the kid is dying.. do what he wants you to do and let him deal with whatever when he comes home.

redhairedsm's picture

Walk away from this crazyiness.  You are too good.