First of all, I just have to say how "empowering" (that's not really the word I want, but I can't think of the right one...) it is to be able to truly release my thoughts and feelings here, and to have so many people offer advice and insight from their lives.

For the last week, my life has been a mess. I won't recap, if you're interested, see my other posts. Anyway, DH and I finally had time to talk last night. Since he was getting ready to leave town on business, I made conversation mandatory.

He admitted he is frustrated by his kids. He said he didn't realize how bad it was getting. (Although I have been having issues with them for 5 years, since the boys' hormones started kicking in...) Only within the last 5 months have the children been striking out at him, physically and verbally. I wanted to keep communication going, so I didn't say that if he were more of a disciplinarian maybe it would be over by now. We continued to talk well into the night, even though he had to get up really early for the 2 hour drive to the airport. Honestly, not much was accomplished, other than him begging me to stay, and not pack up while he was out of town. I did remind him that less than 2 weeks ago, he was begging me not to go, and things haven't really improved. He said he would use the next 3 days to think of a plan regarding the kids

Flash forward to 6:00 this evening. SD17 asks me what my problem was last night. I told her I thought it was disrespectful for her to tell her boyfriend to come earlier than the time I told her. SHe started to get defensive, and insisted that she told him 6:00, but he just came anyway, and that was the truth, even if I didn't believe her. She started to go off on me and I told her I wasn't interested in a fight. I was running a fever and getting an earache. I broke down in tears and she began mocking me. She said I should just get over it, she may have needed me to mother her when she was little, but she's grown up now, and "you're just not a part of my life anymore." I told her I was sorry she felt that way, after all I had done for her and all we shared. I left it at that, just walked out of the room, I wasn't about to really give in to her emotional games.

Flash forward to 9:45. SS15 comes in with the phone and says DH is on the line. I had dozed off while grading papers, I guess. DH is yelling in my ear to go see if SD is still home, why didn't you answer your phone, etc. I'm like "What?! I just woke up!" I'd only been asleep a short while, cuz at 9:00, I'd put BS8 to bed, but during that time SS15 and SD17 got into a fight about her getting him to his basketball game Thursday. SS didn't want to bother me since I'm sick, so he called DH. Poor DH is in a hotel 600 miles away, but calls SD and tells her she has to cancel her plans since I won't be home from work and she has to get her brother to the ballgame. She starts screaming at him, and he starts yelling back. She hangs up on him, then calls him back and says, "F&*$ you, tell him to get his own ride, I'm moving out."

So of course DH now needs me to go check that she's still here, a real concern considering she ran off and disappeared for over 6 hours. She was, she was sitting on her bed crying. I hand her phone and stand there while he talks to her. He basically told her as long as she was still in high school, she lives in our house and follows our rules... They finish talking, and she hangs up. I go back to my room and call him back to see what he needs me to do, do I take her keys? Sleep infront of the door? What?

He tells me he doesn't care anymore. He says after all we've done in the last 12 years, he can't believe they act this way. He can't believe she's turning into her mother. He tells me not to call him or text him with anything- unless someone's in the hospital. I tell him to quit being mad at me because I am not the one in the wrong, I'm just reporting what they do. He said he understood that, but he didn't care, he didn't want to know, that I could call the police for all he cares. He asked that none of us contact him between now and Friday, "I'm not mad at you, I love you, I just need time to think."

So he's gone, I'm left with the skids till Friday, and I have no idea what might happen in the next 2 days...

I have decided I'm going to stick to my guns. When I said "I do," I meant it, and I am here till he decides he doesn't want me anymore. I've worked this hard, and I will continue to do so. I know I'm doing good for this family. It may feel like shit some times, but the highs outweigh the low points. It just seems easier to remember the lows because they are so unbelievable. Unless my son or I are put in physical harm, or I feel other conditions arise to put my son in harms way, I'm staying put. And if I do it just to spite the skids, so be it.