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SDs teacher wants DH AND BM to go to conference TOGETHER!! Yikes!

LaMareOssa's picture

DH just called and the first thing out of his mouth was "Listen to this BullS*it" I was thinking either BM is pulling some shit again or something happened at work. He said that SDs teacher just called him and asked if him AND bm could do the student led teacher conference TOGETHER! DH politely told the teacher that he and ms. "dipshit" do not get along, they have not been able to go to a conference together since SD was in preschool. SD is now in 3rd grade. The teacher said "Well, this type of conference is student led and if I did a conference for every child whos parents are no longer together, then...I would be here all night"

DH said he could barely hold his tongue. He explained to the teacher that every other year the teachers did this. He tried to tell her that Ms. "dipshit" refuses to cooperate while in conference and the teachers usually have to remove Ms. "dipshit" from the room and eventually have to do seperate conferences in the end anyway.
The teacher said "Well, I will speak to the principle again." She also said that she has already spoken to Ms. "dipshit". DH said well, Ms. "dipshit" refuses to communicate with me. The teacher said, "Well do you think Ms. "dipshit" will allow you to bring SD to this conference?" DH explained very calmly that he does not have visitation on Mondays and that it is very UNLIKELY that Ms. "dipshit" will cooperate about allowing SD to attend the conference with him, since this student led confernence is on a Monday(Teacher will NOT change the date). The teacher also suggested that DH phone Ms. "dipshit" and ask her to fill him in on how the confernence went. Hinting at that DH was no longer welcome. HAHAHAHAHA Yeah Right!!! BM refuses to communicate with DH, much less "fill him in" on how SD is doing. DH just laughed at this suggestion. The teacher finally said "I will get back to you, I need to phone Ms. dipshit again" Yeah. Good luck with that lady.

GGRRRRRR.....I know teachers have their hands full, but DH has never had a problem in the past having a conference. Most times BM doesn't let SD go anyway, so DH just has a parent-teacher confernence.

I suggested that DH GO WITH BM...bring up SDs tardiness, missed days and the lack of homework. BM will freak out over this. I told him to let BM freak out in the classroom, document it and if need be call the police, have a report and present it to the judge. Along with his papers for contempt and custody modification.

Comments

starfish's picture

i would want to bitch slap that stupid ass teacher. clearly this isn't the first time divorced parents didn't get along and couldn't attend a conference together. and what part of "not gonna happen" did that brainiac miss? i hope her teaching skills are better than her communication skills. wtf?

LaMareOssa's picture

Yeah, she really pissed DH off. BM can not get along with DH. She Can Not control herself around him. DH tried very hard to be polite and not come out say bluntly that "BM is a psychotic bitch who hates me and it makes me feel like I'm going to puke if I sit next to her"

I've met this teacher, she seems very snotty and upp-ity. I got very bad vibes from her, like DH and I weren't even welcome at this Open House. BM LOVES, and I mean absolutely LOVES to talk crap about DH to anyone with at least one working ear. I'm sure she gave this teacher an ear full of lies and bullshit....which could maybe explain this teachers behavior? I don't know.

Shes prolly a psycho BM as well LOL

on the fence's picture

Who exactly do these people work for? She can't MAKE him do that! Just say NO! We will have separate conferences or none at all. Teacher Bizarre, you may call me at #____ or email me and we can discuss my child, but you (or the principal) should realize that it doesn't work this way anymore. Wake up!

Tx mommy of 3's picture

It isn't the teacher's fault. The school district sets dates for parent/teacher conferences. This date has been set since before school started. Why should she change it for one parent? The student led conferences are interetesting. I would suggest dh show up for the conference whether bm does or not. I would also suggest that dh call the PRINCIPAL (or asst principal or counselor) and talk to him/her about the conference. Explain he would like to attend and explain his past experiences with bm and conference. See if the principal would be willing to sit in during the conference too- to prevent or stop bm from acting crazy. I don't see her acting crazy though because this conference will be led by her own child. But I don't know her! But maybe having an authority figure there would help? And if bm does make a fool of herself in front of the principal then maybe they can note in the 'file' that future parent conferences must be seperate. If the principal is thereto witness her antics then it'll help prove dh's case that these meetings must take place seperately from now on.

LaMareOssa's picture

BM doesn't care who is present. She will get violent regardless of who is there...including police officers and her own daughter...I have been witness to this. Sad The principle knows all this info. SD actually went to this school for her final year of preschool. The school district and teacher did not set this date. DH did..and for some reason, he didn't think ahead and realise that it was a monday and not a tuesday and this is his fault

on the fence's picture

Wow. The district. I've been having that sort of trouble with mine, too. The teachers are fine for the most part; some are really terrific, but the administration is out of control coming up with weird rules!

PrincessFiona's picture

While I 100% believe that it's in the child's best interest to have both parents work together toward their education, if it can't work - it can't work. I think onthefence is right, you politely decline and offer an alternative meeting if she feels you need to discuss his child.

Myself, I would be tempted to give her enough rope to hang herself so to speak. I would accept, be on my best behavior and let her show her true colors.

LaMareOssa's picture

Exactly!!!! I tried telling DH this. I told him to just go to the damn conference WITH BM and let her make an ass of herself!! But I do understand where DH is coming from, he tries to avoid her craziness as much as he can.

PrincessFiona's picture

Believe me I understand the instinct to avoid the conflict, I do so myself. However, it shouldn't come at the expense of his child. It's a tough call though, go and risk provoking the BM (which would certainly be hard on the kid) or not go and risk the child thinking you dont' want to be there.

DaizyDuke's picture

Sorry, but i have to agree with teacher only because I've been there done that... she probably has at least 20 kids in her class of those 20 kids, most likely more than 1/2 have parents who are not together anymore. She is correct that if she had to schedule a seperate conference with every parent she would be there all night. Above and beyond her call of duty IMHO.

I deal with the same nonsense from students and parents... kids get in a fight, have words, steal each other's BF/GF then all of the sudden, parents start demanding that they can't be in the same room together, etc. OK.. so what? the district now has to keep a running record of every kid who has a problem with another kid and who can't be in the same county as who.. come on! This is the real world, you're not going to like everyone everywhere you go, heck I can't stand half the people at Walmart, doesn't mean I refuse to go there.. I suck it up and deal with it why shouldn't I be able to save a few bucks too??

sorry, I know you are frustrated, but being in education, I have to deal with this every day and it just gets old. Hope you are able to work something out with crazy BM/teacher though! Wink

Chavez's picture

That is just nuts. The teachers we have dealt with in DS's school and SD's schools have all tried their best to accommodate separate conferences and would do them whenever we could work out a time, not just on p/t conf days. Ideally, it would be great if both parents could be there for a child's conference, but even nuclear families have trouble arranging schedules for things like that.

I do like the idea of going and letting BM go wacko in front of everyone. }:)

Anon2009's picture

I would have DH politely tell/email the teacher (and feel free to make modifications),

Dear Ms. Teacher,

Like you, I want what's best for SD. However, BM and I cannot get along right now, and it would be best for SD if BM and I had separate conferences with you. That way, I can have an opportunity to communicate with you and see how SD is doing in school, and we can discuss ways to help her without any disputes going on, and BM can have that same opportunity too. For the time being, I think it best that BM and I have separate parent/teacher conferences. I look forward to meeting with you to discuss how I can help SD.

Sincerely,

DH

GoodbyeNormaJean's picture

^This^. If they have a conference together, it's going to take 4 times as long because it's an opportunity for her to get jibes in wherever she can and be disruptive.

You can always volunteer to take up only half the alloted conference time, too.

Funny neither DH nor BMs attend PT conferences. I do all that.

Who is custodial here, because really only the custodial parent needs to attend PT conferences.