I don't know what to do. Does anyone else feel this way?!?!?!
I always thought if DH got custody things might be better. I thought we could help SD. I thought if I raised her and treated her just as I have raised and treated DD7, that she would be happy and healthy. Just like DD7. Clearly, this has not been the case. I met SD when she was 3. DH and I married when she was 4. Her BM is completely insane. Documented on paper. BM is the classic "Crazy BM" She is very manipulative, hostile, angry, jealous, resentful, criminal. use(ed) PAS, and is just a really bad person and parent in general.
When my family (Grandma, uncle, and mom) first met SD when she was about 3 1/2 or so, I really knew something was wrong with SD. I just always thought she had issues because she was young and her BM was filling her tiny head with awful things and that was why she was so 'strange' around me, besides the fact that I had never really been around children myself. My grandma later told/asked (I have blogged about it) me that "Something is wrong with that child, 'LaMare' She isn't right. Whats wrong with her?" My uncle is Verrry charismatic and people are drawn to him and I have noticed kids absolutely love him, but when SD met him..She was very .. weird. She refused to speak, to interact, and just had a terrible vibe about her. The look in her eyes wasn't right and I could never figure it out. And to this day, SD11 has a strange look in her eyes. Some days it actually looks evil. My mom has been around SD the most out of family. My mom is a very loving person and always gives everyone 3rd and 4th chances and always the benefit of doubt. She has said over and over that “Her mom has really messed that little girl up, and honestly, I don't know if you can ever help or change that. I love you'LaMare' but you keep an eye on that child around my grand babies. I don't trust her, she gives me a terrible feeling.” I always thought it was mostly BM's fault that SD was the way she is..But not I'm wondering if SD is the way she is because that's who she is as a person. Just one of those negative people out there.
I've tried over and over to get close to her, and I thought it would be easier to bond with her when DH got full sole custody of her back in January of 2012. The first 2 or 3 months, I thought things were going to work out. It didn't and hasn't. She has gotten hateful. She isn't being violent, but she is very passive aggressive and quite sneaky. I have heard her say mean things to DD7 and DS4.. Most of her issues lie in her jealousy of DD7. I have talked about this before; SD11 is very very jealous of DD7 because of her grades, sweetness, and friends. DD7 is a very loving child. Highly intelligent and people are drawn to her and SD11 can't stand it. Because of SD11's bad attitude, she has lost a lot of friends at school and people don't enjoy being around her. She doesn't care about school or her grades and will make excuses for everything. But gets upset when DD7 has all above grade level marks on report cards. DH has told SD that she gets what she works for in regards to grade. If you don't care to try, you will not get very good marks.
I have to watch the children together because I don't trust SD. I'm not saying she Will hurt her little brother or sister, but I don't know that and I can't take a chance, just because of some things DH and I have discovered. I'm tired of always having to be on the look out for SD. I'm tired of SD completely shutting down and staring at the floor and pouting if I ask her to do something or to stop doing something. SD is one of those kids who will go to Daddy, even if she knows it's mine and ask him if she can have it..While I'm standing there. I'm mentally exhausted from worrying. And it's gotten to the point where just being around SD11 makes me irritable and grouchy as hell. I try very hard to not let her very presense piss me off (stupid, I know) but it does and I hate it. I have gotten to the point where I don't even like to speak to her because of how hateful she is. She doesn't give me snotty attitude outright, it's more passive aggressive attitude and hard to explain. I guess I have pretty much disengaged. I VERY much look forward to the EOW when SD goes over to her grandparents house to see her other brother and sister from BM.
Does anyone else feel irritated at their Skids very presense?