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It has been a long time...alot has changed...

Kay2's picture

I have not posted in a LONG time....and omg how things have changed....

So just as a quick recap, my SO and I live in the midwest, and BM lives in California. SO has his daughter who is six. BM and SO had an agreement from the time SD was four, that SO would handle SD's education. We had her for school last year, for kindergarden. SD was visiting BM for Christmas and Summer. BM has been in the process of attempting to get SO to move to Cali to make her life easier, even though SO's entire family is in the midwest. I am four months pregnant and refuse to move away from my support system (I made this clear to SO before we got pregnant.)

We sent SD to visit BM in May, expecting to get her back this August for school. We were told right up until a month ago that BM was in the process of purchasing plane tickets to send SD back. Well SO calls to get more information about the plane tickets and was told that BM isn't sending SD back.

This stupid woman actually said that a SIX year old child decided that she is afraid of flying, doesn't want to have two homes and wants the adults (i.e my SO) to do all the traveling. Of course in May before we sent her, she didn't want to go, she wanted to stay with daddy. Now BM got her hands on her and convinced her that not traveling and not having two homes is actually an option! :jawdrop: I hate to sound like a bitch, but when parents split up, children involved have TWO households, period. I think it is extremely stupid for BM to even present this as an option.

Long story short, SO filed paperwork in our state (SD's "home state") for full legal and physical custody of SD. We are still waiting for BM to get served. Blum 3

I have tried to stay as uninvolved in this crap as possible. I am pregnant and don't need the stress. I don't really know what outcome I am hoping for here, I know my SO wants SD for the school year, but I really don't think that I want that. SD is a difficult child to say the least, I really think letting her mother deal with the brat is the best idea, and SO and I having summers and Christmas would be better.

I feel guilty for thinking this way, but I have good reason for it. I have tried to play "mom" to this child while she was with us and it completly drained me! The situation left me resenting everyone involved, SD is a little brat, SO doesn't disipline, and neither does BM. I felt bad but I wanted to dance when I heard that BM was keeping her for the school year.

My question to all of you SM's out there, what can we expect in court, what is the process going to be like? How long will all of this take?

My mind is kind of spinning right now, I don't like all the tension and the fear of the unknown is horrible. I just want some kind of idea as to what we should expect.

Thanks for reading,


sonja's picture

Not sure why so had custody to begin with, and understand how your ready to let her go. Are u prepared to deal with the child support? Don't allow him to agree to doing the traveling that's nuts. From what I've seen most if not all states favor mom and if she wants her shell probably get her.

youngmama1b1g's picture

If its written in custody for you and SO to have custody- that's where she shall be.
Try and see if as apart of the court proceedings, BM can pay your lawyer. And if not, get her on child support.

If its not written in the custody agreement, prepare for a long and expensive battle... or you can tell H to lay off for a year and see how it goes for SD in CA. She can come spend the summer and major holidays with you guys and then see what her tune is for next school year. Don't allow one parent to pay all transportation costs and don't allow SD to choose which year she gets to go back and forth, etc because it'll bite you in the ass as she gets older.

Kay2's picture

At the moment there is no court order. I realize that most states favor the mother, but what BM is trying to do is deny my SO visitation by keeping SD in Cali. BM has had a child support order in effect already from before SD started school, and it was suspended due to SD living here. The child support isn't a ridiculous amount, and the problems that SD has with her behavior are worth the child support to me anyway.