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Writ of Assistance

justmakingthebest's picture

I know, I know... I need to step back. I don't know what got in my head this morning, other than I am pissed. Pissed at BM, Pissed at SS and Pissed that DH feels that it isn't even worth going on our trip if SS isn't there. I try and remind him that me and the 3 other are all looking forward to this trip and spending time with him, but he is just feeling incomplete without his other son, which I would feel the same way so, I do get it. 

Anyway, I decided to call the local sheriff's office in SS town and find out if they would help. I explained to the sheriff that we have the court order, the letter from the GAL, the letter our lawyer sent BM and BM's lawyer about contempt, about the fact that we have paid for this cruise and his plane ticket. The Sheriff said that in the past they would have been able to use that and help us get SS. However now they need a Writ of Assistance. We talked a little more about it but he said that with that the judge is essentially ordering the sheriff to get the kid and whatever else is documented and put the kid in the car with whoever the order states. 

I asked if this meant they would literally go into the home, get SS, his meds, his glasses and make sure he was in the car with MIL. He said yep, they will make sure that it is done if that is what the Writ orders. He said they are fairly easy to get, especially with everything that we have and BM just refusing.

Now I wait for our lawyer to call me back to tell him to get one of these. Has anyone else used this process? We don't want to go down this path, but at this point I feel like we are out of options. I don't even care if he has his clothes at this point. He can use my BS's hand-me-downs. His glasses and rx's are the only things I am worried about him having since we wouldn't be able to replace those on the fly. 


simifan's picture

We did not do it because of cost but basically you'd have to petition the court in her area to domesticate your order. Then you'd have to petition the court to enforce the order. This will never happen in time for your trip.

Your DH needs to come to grips with the reality that his son is more than likely lost to him and If he doesn't get his head out of his ass, he will lose the family he has left. How you aren't resentful now, I have no idea. 

justmakingthebest's picture

The sheriff said they are usually signed off on within a day and that as soon as it is sent to them they can move on it.

tog redux's picture

I don't think they have those here - the police just were hands off about everything.  Can't enforce civil orders.

My DH was pretty good about not getting mopey about SS, though he had his moments.  It's part of dealing with alienation.  It's a horrible loss and you just feel so powerless and helpless. 

If he pushes through, he will be OK - but he has to not get caught up in believing BM's lies about him, or thinking he's failed SS, or anything like that.

thinkthrice's picture

a bioDAD if he doesn't pay his court ordered extortion, errr I mean "child" (matriarchy) support.  No Writ of Assistsnce needed there.

beebeel's picture

I think your walk down memory lane on that other blog reminded you that you made huge concessions for SS and BM regarding your wedding and now it is a major regret.

Very understandably, you are worried this cruise will have the same effect. You can.not. control. this. Stop bending over backwards to "help" DH with his relationship with his kid. You didn't break it. You can't fix it. The only thing your efforts will bring you is regret and resentment. (((Hugs)))

fourbrats's picture

who got a Writ of Assistance when her ex husband refused to return their twin three year olds after a visitation. The whole process was pretty simple...she took her evidence to an ex parte walk in hearing and within two hours she had the boys. Her ex chose not to take visitation with them again (they are 11 now) although she made them available. The Sheriff added when he served the Writ that if they had to come again with a Writ they would arrest her ex on custodial interference charges, which they would rarely do but Writ's cost the police and courts time and money. 

I probably wouldn't do it for a vacation. That seems like a lot of hassle for a vacation. In the case of my friend her ex was keeping the children from her when she had been the primary parent their entire lives and they were very young. This was during his summer visitation and he had had them for five weeks which turned into seven and he had refused to show up for her weekend visits during that time. He also took one of them on a trip and left the other one with his elderly mother. It was a shit show. With a teen? I would eat the cost and deal with the rest in regular family court with a demand that mom pay for the lost trip money. 

still learning's picture

If BM doesn't send SS for his court ordered visitation that is considered contempt.  I would push for her to pay all court ordered fees, lawyer fees, whatever money was lost on ss's portion of the trip and make up parenting time.  Maybe BM will even spend time in jail.  If you can get the Writ then great, if not push for contempt.  Even if you do get the writ push for contempt because of all the trouble and costs incurred.  

justmakingthebest's picture

We have already sent a letter to her and her attorney of our intent to do this if she doesn't send him. Since the GAL agreed and wrote it out to both the attorney's that SS should be with DH for his visitation time, we are fairly confident that if BM doesn't put him on a plane we will be awarded all costs associated with this trip plus attorney fees.

MurphysLaw's picture

The sad truth about THE CRUISE, this LAST EVER FAMILY VACATION is:

It was doomed before you ever even planned & booked it.

It was either going to be ruined by a sulking teenaged PASed Out ungrateful Brat


Ruined by your own weakling, step & fetching, walk on eggshells, “Have to Stop the World from Spinning so My Son Knows How Much I Love Him” husband and his moaning & pouting throughout the Cruise when SS is a no show.

 I will bet your husband will make the comment at LEAST once a day on this fun filled family vacation 

“SS would have LOVED this” or “Wish SS could have seen that” blah blah feckin blah.

PROTIP: Stay drunk & Enjoy the sunshine.

thinkthrice's picture

seven years for Chef to realize his brats were forever lost to PAS and that it wasn't MY fault.  He blamed me for it the first five-six years as I was a convenient scapegoat.  In the process of the Disney dadding then the misplaced blame,  I no longer love Chef nor respect him.   

Harry's picture

One. Why would you want SS on a trip he doesn’t want to go on? Two. Why do you want your trip destroyed, because SS will do anything to destroy it.?  Three. How are you going to have fun dealing with SS ? Four. Your DH needs a reality check.  Your are spend mort time and money on SS antics then planning fun.  Just stop dealing with it. I would rather lose the plane fair and cruise money and have fun and make good memories 

justmakingthebest's picture

DH hasn't seen his son in 6 months. All communication has been cut off to him. He has not spoken to him since right after Christmas. This is his chance to get in front of his son and have BM be cut off and detoxed from his life for 8 full days. I can't imagine how he is feeling. I don't know what I would do if my kids ever behaved this way and I don't think I would be able to stop trying either.

thinkthrice's picture

a LOT of brainwashing has taken place.   I'd say there's a 95 percent chance that he WON'T be de-programmed on a short cruise.   PAS is very real and happens a lot more than attorneys want to admit.  They also don't want to admit that the family court is a BM- centric system.   

How else would they be able to sleep (on huge piles of money) at night?

Your DH needs to join a fathers group or alienated fathers group for support.  He's not alone...hundreds of thousands of fathers go through this.  Child chasing doesn't work once the PAS rubicon has been crossed.

shamds's picture

And more of pas and narcissistic brainwashing from bio mum.

my husband had exwife kidnap 2 daughters aged 9 &17 and cut off all contact. Hubby tried to page for her at her university. Hubby never went through courts to file for contempt because their original court order was no longer valid since exwife remarried and with the psychoness and craziness of the divorce, hubby wanted to avoid court, his kids were traumatised enough by all her crap.

well about 5 years later eldest daughter reinitiated contact on the basis exwife had an epiphany to be a changed person

the pas damage is done, hubby knows it, the awkwardness of the girls around him, the silent treatment, the manipulation and guilt shaming, their justification of mums narcissistic antics, no responsibilities whatsoever for their actions and inaction. 

We are about almost 8 months into the contact being reestablished and its so awkward still for hubby and very upsetting and hurtful. The damage is done, no matter what facts he presents, the girls justify what bullshit their mum says and does as liquid gold.

hubby just tells his 2 adult kids to grow up, that they are responsible for their futures and its not upto daddy to do that for them. Hubby can help put them in uni and pay for some fees etc but its upto them whether they want to succeed at life.

he’s finally seen with me what its like to have someone stable and capable of raisig kids to be well equipped to handle the real world and be given the best chance to succeed at life

no one wants an arsehole on a trip, so when hubby bitches and whines how he wished ss were here and he would have enjoyed this and that, just say he’s spoiling the mood, this trip is about those who actually wanted to be here and enjoy this family time together, something ss didn’t want or see as a priority. So obviously ss wouldn’t have enjoyed this trip as he didn’t want to be there in the first place

good luck suing bio mums arse in court. The nerve of these people thinking they are above the law and make the law is astonishing 

advice.only2's picture

Maybe look at it a different way, the valuable lesson that SS will learn out of this is that life will go on without him.

You guys will go have fun, have a good time and he gets to sit at home with BM while she clutches her pearls and has the vapors over his next ailment.

Any time DH makes a boo-boo face and bemoans SS not being there, give him a huge hug and tell him "we are so lucky to have the life we have and SS is going to regret this when he gets older and realizes how much he missed out on." then have a drink and move on.

Mominit's picture

I can't help with an info on a writ - but in reply to all the above who say to just give up, I can say sometimes it works.  My SD was alienated for a short time.  She got into the  home of BM and her family who cut off all communication.  Lies were told, pressure was applied and everyone here would likely have said, oh well, she's a teen, you've lost her.

But we persisted, and just like you're hoping (and no guarantee it will work for you!!!!), the very second she saw her Dad and I again for the first time, it was like she came out of the poison.  She hugged us both, apologized profusely, and never looked back.  And in our case, never looked back meant that she became the young lady she had always been, but now it was BMs family she didn't speak to for a short while.  She explained all of the PAS she had heard, and the pressure she was under, and actually seemed to marvel at herself for believing things that she had actual facts to prove were complely untrue.  After a short while of not speaking to BMs family we initiated some reunification and now they have a great relationship.  And SD doesn't feel torn to cut off anyone.  She had succumbed to the PAS, and when she saw us all the truth and the good came back.  Thank heavens!

So, no.  It may not be the same for you. But I understand the need to try.  And yes.  I would get a writ.  I would have a Sheriff haul his PAS'd butt out of her house and onto a plane and onto that ship where for one week he can't drink the koolaid.  And he may be a turd.  Figure out how to deal with that so that your trip isn't ruined.  Or he may just come around.  Or he may come around long enough for the trip, and then never speak to you all again.  But you will have done everything in your power to try.  There's no guarantee he won't hate you more for having the police drag him out.  But there's a slim chance that he may, when confronted with the reality of his own two eyes, realize he's been duped.

Prayers and crossed fingers for you all.

justmakingthebest's picture

Thank you for your experience. We have no idea if this will work or not, but I understand my husbands need to try. We decided to give this one last shot- and dammit we are not going to do it 1/2 way. If nothing else, a sherriff removing him from his house shows him that he is not an adult, and doesn't get to make all of his life choices yet. It will also show BM that she isn't above the order. 

It may be a total shit show on the trip. He may be a total ass- in which case we (Me, my bios and SS18) will just separate ourselves. 

Survivingstephell's picture

If you manage to get the kid on the ship and he's turd, just remind him that HIS MOTHER"S ACTIONS caused the police to be involved.  Not his father or anyone else.  All she had to do was follow the judge's orders.  

IMO I don't think 8 days will be enough to undo the damage done to SS by BM.  Take pictures and make a small album for SS but put it away at your house.  When and if he shows up as an angry adult looking for answers from his father, he can bring it out then and stoke the memories in SS.  

I know this last hurrah of effort is needed to be able to walk away from this drama.  DH needs to know he did everything he could before he can give up.  Miracles do happen and I hope you get one.  I just don't see it happening.  

I've watched my own DH go thru this and accept that he lost to PAS.  Its a journey for sure.  

fourbrats's picture

do the same thing on a regular visitation and not at vacation time?  'Hey kid, we are treating you to this fabulous vacation but before that we are going to have you dragged out of your home by the police" is not the message that needs to be sent. There is no lesson there. Your husband should try just not in this circumstance. 

justmakingthebest's picture

We have been fighting for regular visitation for 6 years. Very little was finally settled in their divorce that was finally finalized last year after the 1st divorce was thrown out of courr due to violating the soldiers and sailors act.

All that was put in the divorce was spring break, the rest to be decided at a layer date. We went back to court, the judge said he would only hear summer requests. We were awarded 1 month. Ut has to be a journal entry which her lawyer has yet to sign, so it still isn't submitted. We went back to court in November. Due to SS's outlandish statements a GAL was assigned and our hearing postponed.

So to answer why we dont wait... there is nothing to wait for. This is it. The only thing that we have a finalized order until we go back, which is likely in june according to our lawyer.

Petronella's picture

Good point Harry and yet another reason why Dad and SM should just LET THIS GO and leave SS back with mommee where he belongs. 

justmakingthebest's picture

We took jom.last year and it wasn't an issue. All we needed was a birth certificate. You dont have to have passports , something about your embarkation and debarkation being the same port. 

advice.only2's picture

Uh no you need a letter of consent from the other bio parent, on this I know that for a fact 

justmakingthebest's picture

You do not need a passport on a cruise if you leave from the US and return to the US. I have been on 8 cruises all together and have never gotten a passport. Check out Carnival's website. It is recommended but not required. 

Chmmy's picture

I will not vacation with DH & skids. I told him I cant. I will feel trapped. We did a weekend to a water park near my son's house with the little ones. SS12 (maybe 9 at the time) was on the ipad at 1am. I couldnt sleep. I kept waking DH to do something about it. He shouldnt be on ipad watching videos at 1 am. Arguments at 1 in the morning over ipad. He waits for DH to fall back asleep and then he sneaks the phone off the night stand. Now its almost 2 am and I have to wake up DH again. Now there is crying and DH has to sleep with the kids to stop the crying. Yay vacation!

I almost called my son to pick me up or Uber'd to him but it was late & i didn't want to bother him & his girlfriend on a Sat nite. 

This kind of behavior does not fly anymore and the wicked step mother has taken over but I dont want to be trapped somewhere with the skids so he can vaca with them on his own.

I vacation with my bio son 22.