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BM finally responded

justmakingthebest's picture



DH- I gave you more than 24 hrs to object to the dates and times of the plane tickets. I am taking your non response as consent. I trust you will actually follow the court order this time and have proper parental control to put our son on the plane. If you can't control our son, just let me know and I will get a Writ of Assistance to get the police to help in this manner.

BM (an hour later, probably franticly trying to find out what a Writ of Assistance is)-Is the police dragging our son through the airport the memory you are trying to make?

DH- Hopefully you have parental control and are fostering our parent child relationship and none of this will be an issue

BM- I am TRYING. I always try but you can't force it. He has a life here without you.

DH- Either you can parent our son and put him on a plane or you can't. Let me know and I will get the police involved. If you do not respond with a simple "Yes, our son will be on the plane", I will take that as you can't parent and get that Writ of Assistance to help.

BM- Stop threatening me, this isn't helping. I am asking you to to coparent now just like you have asked me to do in the past.


Yeah right. I wish we had the screen shots of all of the ways she "coparents" and "encourages" their relationship to send back. Unfortunately those are all on my work computer in special files.  We emailed the lawyer and told him that we want that writ. DH is going to look at the cost of an off duty officer to escort him to the airport or him flying out Friday and bringing him back the next day with police assistance at her house. We will make this a criminal matter and no longer a civil. I hate this woman so much. I was shaking so bad last night I had to take 2 xanex. 


WalkOnBy's picture

It's like Medusa wrote these texts....why are these women such alienating assholes??

Good luck and be sure to keep us updated....

tog redux's picture

And BM here also could have written those texts - it's by the book alienation.   Good for your DH for not getting argumentative with her but just stating what the plan is.  

ETA: BM here would be smart enough to not write "He has a life here without you", though. That might get her in trouble. 

Iamwoman's picture

The Maggot Queen has written texts to DH exactly like that too.

It's like these low lifes are all following the same secret evil manual.

thinkthrice's picture

Girhippo said similar crap. "Chef needs to work on repairing his damaged relationship with MY children."

WalkOnBy's picture

do you remember in the Former days when Medusa told DH that he was "alienating himself" from his children?

Ahhhh, good times, good times Smile

thinkthrice's picture

same song second verse

Cogito Ergo Sum's picture

This is awful for everyone, you, your DH & even your SS... Parental Alienation is evil. I've followed your story since I first joined, about a year ago, I think a cruise was on the horizon? I have no words of wisdom - but I really do feel for you!

justmakingthebest's picture

Yeah, we have taken 2 since I have been on this site. She tried to stop the 1st one with false medical info. She failed and did send him. He had a great time. The 2nd one she refused to respond and sent him on a road trip with her parents instead of out to us. 

We will be taking another one next year (I take my kids every other year) but we won't be planning it when SS can go unless there is a major turn around in both BM's and SS's behavior. 

Cogito Ergo Sum's picture

It sounds like you more than deserve those trips with everything your family is & has gone through! Good on you for planning the next one for a time convenient to you - it really seems as tho that's your only option right now. 

Siemprematahari's picture

This woman is infuriating! I really do feel for you all in this and I applaud you and H on how you're handling this. He keeps cool and addresses the situation at hand. He doesn't feed into her BS. I hope SS gets on the plane and that your H can rebuild a bond and relationship with him. It truly is heartbreaking to read and sending prayers that this all works out for you guys. 

lieutenant_dad's picture

Her doing *something* means she is losing control *somewhere*. Whether she is losing control with her attorney, or she's losing control with SS (wouldn't surprise me; be a friend with a teenager, and they'll eventually turn on you, too), or losing control of your DH, or of her own mind. Doesn't matter. Something isn't smoothe sailing anymore and she's PISSED, so she's acting out the only way she knows how: stupidly.

Take it as a small victory. You've gotten under her skin and shaken her up a bit. She feels like she has to portray herself as a "good mother", which means somewhere it's not working.

lieutenant_dad's picture

That is my hope as well. Now she is having to either find a new one or play one herself. And she likely knows she can't afford another to fight the Writ or anything else.

Focused_onourlife's picture

Yep this ^^^ ! This is exactly how our HCBM started acting when my DH shut down her attempt to control.. I wish they would think of how this unnecessary behavior effects their children more than anyone else.

OP, I'm sorry you all are going through this. Stick with shutting her drama down and speaking directly of his plans for your SS each and every encounter and hopefully your BM will grow up and stop making a fool of herself. 

strugglingSM's picture

With the exception of trying to get SS on plane this sounds like BM in my case who is always telling DH that she "encourages SS" to have a relationship with DH, but he just doesn't want to, which is counter to what both SSs say about BM pressuring them to always do what she wants, including turn against DH.

justmakingthebest's picture

We have so many screen shots of her berating my husband to my SS. It is so over the top. Last time he came out to us, when he went home his room was decorated and filled with balloons and a party for "Yay, you survived a week with the dumbass!"

Seriously... it is that bad. 

tog redux's picture

Wow. This is the stuff you have to keep in mind when you feel angry at him and want to punish him - it would take a strong kid to withstand that. A less resilient kid will just give in for the sake of their sanity.

somethingwicked's picture

That woman is crazy.Alienatiing the kid right in your faces. Awful.A monster. 

Gimlet's picture

How does she keep getting away with this? (This is rhetorical)  It's sheer lunacy that she's this overt in her alienation and still the legal system doesn't take any action and you have to exhaust yourselves trying.  

tog redux's picture

The legal system really doesn't understand alienation. And they rely too much on "the voice of the child".  So if SS goes in (guarantee that he does) and says he hates his dad, is afraid of him, doesn't want to go with him, and that he really loves his mother and wants to stay with her - they don't see that as the evidence of alienation that it is.

They also know that some kids flip-flop - if they give custody to Dad, then the kid will refuse to see Mom.  My SS did that for a summer - was at our house, refusing to see BM and telling us all kinds of bad stuff about BM - it was bizarre. It was just a complete reversal, with the exact behavior, only directed at BM.  It's evidence that the kid is in a split state of mind - he can only see one parent as good and the other as bad - can't see the gray. 

Alienating parents create that mind-split for these kids. They learn to see one parent as all bad and one as all good - to defend themselves from the intolerable anxiety of dealing with this crap. 

still learning's picture

the legal system really doesn't understand alienation. 

True, my lawyer told me that in my state they don't recognize alienation.  Those of us who have dealt with it know how real and devestating it is, but the courts want to deal with solid issues rather than things that are hard to prove.  

LuluOnce's picture

The legal system really doesn't understand... anything!!

BM here is actually a schizophrenic, psychotic mess who regularly skips meds and endangers her kids and she's MOTY in FCS's view. Using this logic, OP's BM is soon to be nominated for sainthood. 

Your court story and BM's crap makes me crazy angry. I really don't know how you deal with it. 

strugglingSM's picture

In my case, she will send one SS texts the entire time he is with us saying, "are you okay?" or promising things to him when he gets home. One weekend he texted her to say he was hungry and we had no food. He told her that he didn't want to ask DH about food and her response, "I'm so sorry. I'll have lots of yummy food for you when you get home." Another time, he got in trouble for punching his brother in the face in front of DH. He texted and told her that he was "hiding in the closet" because DH yelled at thim because he hit his brother in the face. Her response did not reprimand him for hitting his brother in the face, but rather said, "why are you hiding in the closet?! that's ridiculous! Who are you afraid of, your dad or Struggling SM?!" 

She also tried to tell the mediator that DH was abusive. When DH explained that the incident in question, that BM was referencing and for which BM was not present, involved DH physically moving SS off his brother, who he was punching repeatedly and physically holding him and telling him that he needed to stop fighting, the mediator said, "oh, that just sounds like parenting." 

In our case, BM has convinced herself that the children "are at risk" with us (even though they are likely safer with us than with her) and has to raise alarm bells over everything. She has also convinced DH's family that this is true, because she is "so sincere" in her hysterical cries that the children are traumatized by us. DH's family seems to miss the part of BM's argument where she claims that SSs are traumatized by us because DH and I sit around and talk about how much we hate her when they are with us. 

She'll make a mountain out of a mole hill any day of the week and since she's convinced herself this is the total absence of evidence...she is able to convince others of her craziness. 

I'm sure she calls DH names and tells the kids he's an idiot when they are with her, but mostly she just tells them how "sorry" she is that they have to spend time with him. 

thinkthrice's picture

of the playbook as well
"juuust cheeecking to seeee if youuuuur'e okaaaay."
"mommykins miiiisssses yooooou...hurry hooooome."
"mommykins has a surpriiiiise for yooouuu when you come hoooome."
how DARE dad parent MOMMYKIN'S children!!!!

tog redux's picture

Yes, the final straw for us was BM texting to ask SS if he was okay, his phone was sitting on the counter in front of me, so I saw it pop up ... DH hit the limit of his tolerance and took SS back to BM's early.  We didn't see him again for a year.  There is no good way to deal with this stuff. 

strugglingSM's picture

BM also spent one weekend texting SSs non-stop to plan a summer vacation...I don't even think it was May at the time. She just had to get their thoughts immediately, even though they had been with her for two weeks straight and she would see them in less than 48 hours. She just "couldn't wait" to share all the fun things she wanted them to do on two months. 

Cover1W's picture

Yep, BM took a good portion of one weekend on the phone with YSD doing all kinds of planning for their trip on DH's time.

Lndsy747's picture

"I encourage xxx to have a relationship with you" must be in section 1 of the alienatiors handbook. One time we text SD asking if she'd get dinner with us after we hasn't seen her for a while and BM responded saying SD saw the message but SD doesn't feel comfortable responding. Of course she insisted that she encourages her to see us. I asked SD about this situation months later when we had contact with her and she said she had just gotten in trouble and her mom took her phone as punishment. In the middle of yelling at her BM said in frustration why don't you call your dad and go over there. I guess that counts as encouragement?? *Shrugs*

thinkthrice's picture

"im tryyyyying to co paaaaarrrreeeennnt with yoooooouu."

strugglingSM's picture

We get a lot of responses from BM to that effect. Telling DH that BM had to step in during our weekend, because SS "didn't feel comfortable" asking DH for things. This is a child who always gets what he needs and 99% of the time gets everything he wants from DH, but for some reason, "never feels comfortable" talking to DH, as if he is some mean ogre. 

DH has also reached out to her to ask to revise time...sometimes adding days to his weekends or having them overnight on Thanksgiving, instead of just for the day. BM's first immediate response is always, "they don't want to spend more time with you!" Another favorite of hers is to tell DH he can have more time only if the children are okay with if spending more time with their dad is a bad thing. This is the same woman who used to demand that DH take the children for more time because she "needed a break." 

Lndsy747's picture

Oh yeah it's funny because when SD was younger we'd end up with her a lot when BM needed to "study for school" all the time but then once SD turned like 10 or 11 and BM trusted her to stay home alone we were no longer needed.

She played mind games way before this but this was when SD was suddenly not comfortable coming over or speaking with us about what was bothering her.

advice.only2's picture

Lol trying to co-parent, now that I have successfully PASed SS from you, now I will try and co-parent, so when I go into court I can cry and wring my hands and state "Your honor I have tried, what am I supposed to do! Force him? Then he will just run away!" At that point the judge will agree and admonish DH for threatening BM. Been there lived it, didn't buy the video copy!

ndc's picture

Sadly, I think that no matter how much evidence you have of alienation and lack of cooperation from this pure evil BM, the courts and the awful judge you have are not going to do a thing to stop her.  You'll just keep spending money - on court, on airline tickets, etc. - and you'll never recoup any of it from her, nor will your DH get to see his son for any meaningful time.  I hope I'm wrong.  Your evil BM and Probably Already Insane's dreadful DH are running neck and neck for my least favorite person discussed on ST.

Cover1W's picture

Oh wow - she sounds exactly like my SD's BM.  The PAS is strong.  And my SDs only live about an hour away.  Same excuses that she simply cannot force them into the car. Zero parental authority and Zero incentive or willingness for the kid to have a relationship with the father - HER want not the kids!  Disgusting. 

I don't think you will ever successfully get this resolved in court.  I hate to say it by your situation is an example of lots of $ thrown into the court system and still no resolving it.  Good luck, but it's not going to be done this spring.

SMto2's picture

This is classic PAS, for sure. It reminds me of an email BM sent to DH when OSS was in the throes of PAS & refusing to visit per the court order, when she told DH to  "Talk to OSS about anything besides coming to [our town]!!"