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SS20 Has found my very last nerve

justmakingthebest's picture

I have been having problems with BS15 and keeping his computer area clean and keeping track of all of his gadgets (phone, airpods, apple watch, ipad, etc). I was extra frustrated with him yesterday evening. I was on a tirade telling everyone to get their stuff up, rooms clean, etc.

SS20 has the room over the garage. I opened his door to fuss at him to make sure his room is clean and I see, clear as day from the bottom of the stairs, a Coffee cup from Wawa and Sandwich wrapper. We have a strict no food in bedrooms rule. I WAS LIVID. It is the same fight with him once a month. Like every. single. month. For YEARS. I am at my witts end! 

He came down stairs to back talk some more to me and I asked him "do you REEAALLLY want to go there with me right now?" He made the mistake of saying "yeah, I do". 

I have never seen my husband go from sitting in a recliner to clearing a coffee table so fast in my life. I had to get in between them because SS just wouldn't shut up. I told him to put his phone on the counter and go to his room. 

Then first thing this morning as we are driving to work (I drop him off in the mornings because he can't drive) he started running his mouth again. I swear to God, I almost kicked him out on the side of the road. 

I know part of it is him coming off of his lithium. I know that his irritability is high right now. I know that he has no empathy and that isn't his fault. I know these things in my head. But I also know that I am seconds away from snapping. 

** For those who don't know- SS20 is autistic. He is moderately functioning but closer to a 12 yr old than 20. DH is military. He leaves at 4 am. He is gone every 4 days for a 24 hr shift and still has to work mon-friday too. He is awesome and does the best he can to support me. SS's BM hasn't been actually in the picture in well over 15 years. She calls him every couple of months when she isn't in jail. **

Comments

Harry's picture

Not your problem that DH goes to work at 4am. He's still the father,  let him get SS a Uber to go to work.  This kid is never going to live on his own.   So you better find a way to live like this for a long time.  Your SS is not your problem, because your DH wants to play army. It's no reason to dump him on you. Like BM dump him on DH.

SS is DH responsibly,   You make him do his job.  

Felicity0224's picture

"DH wants to play army"

Is this real life? This is how we talk about people who are performing a very real and necessary service to our country? (I'm making the assumption that you're American.) Huh.

JMTB is more than entitled to vent frustrations with this situation. That doesn't necessarily mean she needs to disengage. Based on everything she's posted, her marriage is a pretty equal partnership. And bio parents get annoyed with their neurotypical children/adult children all the time. It's perfectly normal and refusing to help with something that the other parent truly can't do is not always the right solution. 

justmakingthebest's picture

I am going to reach out to his DARS counselor. I am not sure what we need for him or what we can get him in, but we need more. 

EveryoneLies's picture

I'm so sorry you have to go through this.

You are a saint to have this grown man-child in your house. (This is my very fear that it's what my future is like) I wish the kid can freaking see how good his life is.