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Christmas Shopping

justmakingthebest's picture

I have reached out to SS16 2X now asking what he would like for Christmas- not only from DH and I but his Aunts/Uncles and Grandparents. No response.

DH actually talked to him for about 3 minutes last week.He just shrugged when DH asked him. 

I'm over it. DH can deal with presents. I will tell my family if they want to get him anything just get him a $25 visa gift card or something since he doesn't want to acknowledge us. 

He doesn't know that my mom has cancer... not that he would care, but my mom has always done everything to make him feel equal to my bio's. If he just wants to keep shitting on us, fine. He is going to be left with very little while the rest of the kids load up. 

It is pretty freeing to just say "Oh well!" and let DH deal with it. I already have about 90% of the gifts for SS20 and my bios taken care of! Yay Black Friday online shopping! LOL

7 Days until court! I can't wait for this hearing to finally be over and just done with it all. I honestly think that if BM does get in trouble he won't get on the plane- he will see it as taking a stand and protecting his mommy dearest. I think that if she doesn't he REALLY won't get on the plane. So... that's where I am at. 

Honestly- I hope he doesn't come. It would be so much easier to not deal with him rather than put on a fake smile and pretend that we are happy he is with us. I just don't want to see my sweet husband hurt again. 


CLove's picture

Put no more effort to spoiled brat. Just give a debit card, in a card, thats all. 

ESMOD's picture

It's kind of unlikely that BM as the primary parent will really "get in trouble"... .I don't think they will be likely to switch full custody at this point for a teen.. I don't think they will jail her.. maybe they will do another "stern talkiing to"... but likely it will be a mostly non-issue.. even if the judge isn't happy with her.. maybe he will make her pay a court fee or something.. but it probably won't ever net your DH what he really wants.. which is his son's attention and affection.  

TBH.. they whole fight and court with BM is probably ingraining his feelings towards his dad as picking on his mom.. her PA tool.

ndc's picture

I wouldn't be worried at all about gifts for that kid.  IF he showed up, I'd be inclined to gift him an experience, one that would take place the NEXT time he's supposed to be with you.

I admire your resolve.  I would have dropped the rope a long time ago.  I hope you get an excellent result in court.  I'd love to open up Steptalk next week and read that your evil BM is sitting in jail and will be there a while.  But for the fact that it probably wouldn't be a good thing for you, I'd like to see custody flipped, too.  But I know none of that will happen.

justmakingthebest's picture

Neither DH or I want custody flipped. 

All we want is her to be found guilty and have to pay the over 10K that she would owe us. I don't care if she can only write a $10 check a month for the rest of her life. I want that check!

tog redux's picture

My father died when SS was alienated (he spent a fair amount of time with my parents, at family events, and they were good to him). DH texted him - nothing. When SS started speaking to us again, never said a word about my father.  My dog got sick this summer, SS used to love her, he'd call her "his" dog (and she loved him). We invited him over to say goodbye before she died. Nope, was a no-show.

He's turned out to be a selfish narcissistic person like his mother.  I no longer bother. You shouldn't either, unless your SS changes how he relates to you guys. 

justmakingthebest's picture

Yep. I agree that he has become as selfish and narcissistic as his mother. 

I used to think that you were born a Narc- like it was a personality disorder. I think that is the case sometimes but I also think they can be made. SS didn't used to be like this... It is really sad. 

SeeYouNever's picture

You have plenty of time, I think I would hold off on buying any gift until he gets on a plane. Otherwise just have your DH send him something from Amazon.

justmakingthebest's picture

We will do exactly what we did last year when it comes to any presents. They stay in the shopping bag with receipts and if he doesn't get on the plane they go back to the store. We won't wrap until we have confirmed he is in the air. 

Cover1W's picture

I just had this convo with DH about YSD14. 

She's not alienated (all the way but al little IMHO). But she refuses to tell us what she would like/want. Last year no list, no suggestions, nothing. A shrug was received after she opened some gifts from DH - I would have returned them if it had been from me, but that's just my opinion. 

So this year I told DH that I got her some socks and a nice pair of pajamas. I don't know what else to get her without some direction as she is so picky about everything. I don't want to give her cash or gift cards because she never spends any of it (and the parents don't make her so she has no understanding of how to use money). DH said he 'didn't want to get all negative about it.' OK then DH, why don't you have a conversation with her about xmas and how it works, or how SHE sees it working?  Gifts are a big part of it and both of us hate to see her dislike gifts or see them just sit there unused for years.'  He thought this was a good idea.

So now, I'm out. I'll do my cookies and help put up the tree and I'm done! 

Stepmom2020's picture

I learned to disengage this year on this site with you wonderful guru's. DH can buy the gifts if he wants too. You should as well.