just talking again
Lots of anxiety on my part again.Last wknd I was crying-tired/bored/hungry in BF's room while they sat happily watching episodes of Stargate.BF will sometimes see how I am (doesn't happen every wknd) quite often not bother.Several films got out of the library-he has 'SS' all week to watch them,the only one got out for me of course they had no time to watch and I prob won't see it now (we live apart).I don't feel like BF thinks of my feelings at all.He also started trying to dictate when I could go for a walk/s,using various reasons-him and his son,the fact that his assistant manager had the only key to get in in the morning (not sure I believe it).The doctor has said I must exercise because of my health and I know I feel worse if I am stuck inside half the day.
I feel I might as well be a robot/doll,or you could put a robot/doll in my place.Sit there,shut up,do what they say.
We had an argument on the phone.He said 'why couldn't I go out with them'.I DO every week.He said 'But you want to do things by yourself'.So what.I didn't get into that.'It seems to me you want to do things more and more by yourself and without us' he said.I later said I thought he was unfair.His son does things by himself.Geez
We don't eat 'lunch/dinner' until 4pm odd as 'SS' has his karate and I am supposed to wait or eat lunch then eat all that again.
My friend started talking about her situation and ironically she wanted to spend more time with her ex BF who had a child.She wasn't included at all.Well obviously I wouldn't want that.She started saying 'if I loved him I might put up with it' (in a situation like mine). This has been 9 years of doing nothing for myself at the wknd.Then I feel guilty like I'm not a good 'stepmum'.
- dazed's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Let me see if I got this
Let me see if I got this right. You're not married to him. You're very unhappy in the relationship and have been for a long time. Your BF basically shoves you down to the bottom of his list of priorities when his son is around and then doesn't understand why you might not want participate in the visits. Does that sum it up fairly accurately?
Why do you stay in the relationship? Do you hope that someday it will improve? Is it just comfortable because you've been in it so long? Because here's what I think. I think that if you've tried before to express your feelings to your BF and he has never, in all these years, actually HEARD you and taken action that would allow you to either enjoy the visits or choose to not participate in them, then he's probably never going to meet your needs in this relationship.
People will continue to treat us badly only as long as we allow them.
♥ Georgia ♥
"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)
Yes
Yes,much is true.I don't want to say goodbye,but may be the only way.If I stand up to him, he has dumped me before.It's his way or the highway.I don't know if I'm unfair and I just wonder sometimes why becuase I and my family are not related we don't matter.
Honey, it doesn't matter if you are right or if you are wrong.
If your partner won't meet you halfway to at least TRY to see your side of things, whether he agrees with you or not, then it's not much of a relationship. It's not about fair or unfair. It's about being willing to open yourself up to your partner's wants and needs. Love is supposed to build you up, not tear you down. Giving your love to someone who doesn't return it will cause you loads of heartbreak. Giving your love to someone who will reciprocate it will bring you happiness, peace and security. Dig deep and ask yourself what advice you would give to someone in your shoes. Then TAKE THAT ADVICE!
♥ Georgia ♥
"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)
Oh sweetie
you need to get a backbone! Go see a counselor to help you find your dignity. Put YOURSELF FIRST SO THAT OTHERS WILL TREAT YOU WITH DIGNITY. You are important.
What mental tapes do you play in your head? Change the "I don't deserve to be happy" to "I love myself" and "it is up to me to be happy".
Something sounds wrong here
I am glad to hear you are not living with this guy. Some of the things I heard seem a little alarming -
1. He is dictating when you can go for a walk?
2. He is dictating when and what you can eat?
3. He is requiring your presence?
4. A follow on to requiring your presence makes me believe he is trying to limit who you can talk to, and when?
5. He dumps you if you disobey?
Um, this is VERY controlling, and sounds a little like he might be abusive.
If I am not reading too much into this - then - yes, you need to run, not walk, to the nearest exit. You sound like you are a bit depressed, and that can lead you to accepting situations that you otherwise might not. Please, step back, assess the situation. You are not selfish, or wrong.
When you are comparing yourself, "being allowed to do things" with his son "being allowed to do things by himself" there is something wrong. You are not his child, and he does not have the right or the authority to make these types of decisions for you, nor do you have to defend yourself. In a partnership you might discuss it. But this doesn't sound like that. He is doing you know favors, believe it.