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just.his.wife's picture

June 26, 2015.

The date my marriage actually ended. Technically it is still going through the formalities but he and I have signed the papers, they have been forwarded to the judge and are just awaiting a bit of ink for it all to be official.

The death knell to my relationship was not even the skids.
It was my DH’s willingness to ignore dangerous and illegal behaviors and his eagerness to bury his head ass deep into the sand to make his life easier that killed it.

I was out of town for work. I was not supposed to return home until Saturday June 27th.
I came home a day early.
‘D’H was at work.
I found my two youngest skids (both under 18 and living in the house) shit faced drunk. Not just them, but three of their friends as well.

I attempted to call DH on his cell. I was sent to voice mail.
So I called the cops and told them I had 5 teenagers drunk in my house.
One of these teenagers was a boy my youngest step daughter had recently started dating, with DH’s blessing.
Then again DH had been told the boy was 18. Come to find out he was 21 and the one who bought all the alcohol.
He was arrested.
The four real teenagers were all given essentially tickets called a Notice to Appear. So they get to show up in court and explain to a judge why they were underage drinking.
The two visiting teens? Their parents had to come pick them up.

Dh was pissed. At me.
Apparently the skids getting the citations, on his watch, would/could cause him embarrassment at work.
And of course ysd was ‘devastated’ that the ‘love of her life’ was arrested and how could I hurt her so badly!

Yeah DH, go ahead and ignore the fact she lied to you about the boys age.
Go ahead and ignore the fact you didn’t give the kids permission to have friends over.
Go ahead and ignore the fact your two teenagers just essentially threw a kegger at home.
While your at it, don’t spare a thought for the fact that the two visiting teenagers would have eventually had to DRIVE home.
You can also ignore the whole thought of those same kids parents could sue the PISS out of me the home owner if those kids were injured or killed, while driving drunk, home from my house where they got drunk.

There was a raging fight that afternoon. I snapped. Full psycho mode that my soon to be ex had never seen before.
Apparently, while her dad and I were fighting, ysd just had to stir even MORE drama and called her older sister (osd). OSS was apparently visiting osd at the house she and my kids share so both osd and oss got to hear and giggle over Dad and Just having the fight to end all fights.

My kids walked into their house to hear myself and their step father screaming at each other over speaker phone and hear DH slam a hand onto a counter top to add emphasis to whatever idiot thing he was saying at the time. My son thought he hit me. So my son tore out of his house and was at my house a few minutes later. He swung and connected on DH screaming and raging over DH ‘hitting my mom’. A few minutes later my XH showed up (my daughter called him to reign in my ds). Three pissed off men, one house. Oh and don’t forget the two drunken teenagers one of which was the drama queen that initated the phone call.

Within a week DH and his kids were out of my life.
They were out of my house that night. Spent a few days at a hotel from what I understand.
To make my life easier and expedite the process I paid for deposits on an apt for him and paid movers to move his and his kids shit the hell out of my house.

OSD was kicked out of my kids house. Not due to what was going on with her dad. But because OSS was at the house. She knew he was not allowed there. She allowed him inside anyway.
Last I heard OSD and OSS also moved back in with Daddy Dearest so DH now has all four kids back, living under his roof.

If I put something down… I find it right where I left it.
There is no thumping boom boom music.
My pool is CLEAN.
There has not been a SINGLE thing break or get ‘lost’.
There is no drama.
No yelling.
Peace and quiet.

So, my marriage is another number in a statistic.
But I am happier than I have been in a long time.

And I will eat a fucking glock before I ever date a man with children again.


just.his.wife's picture

Epically stupid I will agree with ybarra lol. "I" was epically stupid to stay in that festering cesspool of drama addicts for as long as I did.

I was stupid to ever think that I would make a positive change in that family.
I was an idiot for believing that my husband would have my back.
Dumber still to believe that someone who holds HIS JOB would agree with the course of action I took.

Bottom line I took my life back and the past month has been WONDERFUL. I have taken time for ME.
I started taking care of ME instead of putting everyone else first.

I have spent a lot of time with my bestie - who is also a SM and understands.
I reconnected with an old friend.
And despite my fears, my fathers family did not disown me for a second divorce. Their reaction ranged from "it's about time" to "Thank GOD!"

NoWireCoatHangarsEVER's picture

My boss' boss has two stepkids, one boy and one girl. They are now adults BUT when they were teens, my boss's boss and his wife went out of town. Drove up in their driveway to find the police, ambulance, cornoner. The stepson through the party of all parties on the sly and a teen overdosed and died in his home. and yes, there was a whole shitstorm of trouble.

arjuna79's picture

wow, jhw. after all you've done for all of them. Guess it had to be a huge huge debacle like that to really pivot you to your own clarity and sanity. And how beautifully you swept them all out. And now, now, your peace and quiet. Your life. Welcome to the breathing world!

ChiefGrownup's picture

Sorry to hear this news. What an ordeal, indeed. You did just right. If it had happened to me the only tweaks in the story would be I would be throwing up from stress and disgust after cops cleared the kids out and I would not have handled the expurgation of all remnants of the step/louse infestation as fabulously as you did.

In reality, if I ever do find drunk teens in my house my dh will have my back. He would never, ever throw ME under the bus in that scenario. You certainly did marry the wrong man and I'm glad your life is now happier. Of course it is. Yay!

constantly_irritated's picture

Good job calling the police!! That was the right thing to do, what an idiot DH is thinking that any of this is okay. It was like your marriage ended with a bang to make sure you never had a regret.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

He had it MADE with you, absolutely golden. You, with your big brass lady balls, handled all the crazy he allowed his kids and BM to make in your home and your career. His time with you was the zenith of his lifetime. Now, it's back down into the abyss of crazy making with those half-pas'd brats. He was not worthy of your efforts.

B's picture

Holy crap.... After everything you did for him/them. I'm so sorry. But, I'm happy that you're feeling at peace.

TheAccidentalSM's picture

JHW, I'm so sorry this happened. After all the shit they put you through. Glad your enjoying your freedom.

From memory you've dealt with:
BMin prison/jail for identity theft, federal offences, etc
SD jailed for breaking terms of RO
SS punched you in the face
SD sent to special school for bullying
SS inpregnating another teen at 14/15

It's a miracle you are still sane.

Can you take a break and have some fun time?

windee's picture

WOW!!!!! I just saw your post! What a crazy nightmare!!! I was going to say I'm so sorry but it sounds like you are better off so those words will not be typed!! LOL!! I know this is a few
Months after the fact so I sure hope that all is well for you and your bio kids!

Miss T's picture

I snapped 2 or 3 years ago after being left alone in the house with SS for the entire summer between his junior and senior years of college. He was turned down for every internship he applied for, and in the real world couldn't find anyone smart enough to work for, so he quit every job he got and hung around my house underfoot and sulking for the entire summer. (His bio Mom is local but has lived in a ranted room since CS stopped, so she has no space for him.)

DH works outside our home and is gone for about 12 hours a day. I worked mostly at home at the time, and put up with SS leaving solid and liquid waste in and around the toilet; regularly sleeping until 2 PM in a room I need to use several times an hour during the day; leaving dishes and food scattered around the kitchen and living areas, and doing the Lord alone knows what else I have blocked from memory. When after 3 months of this horror it was FINALLY time for SS to leave, DH went outside to see him off in the cute little sports car that I was indirectly paying for.

SS tootled off and DH walked back into a house full of pure screaming banshee. I literally had been waiting by the door for him to walk back through it, and when he did I let loose every frustration I'd been told to STFU about because it would be over in 3 ... 2 ... 1 .. I screamed and raged at DH for well over an hour. The poor man could not get a word in edgewise. I believe that he has not gotten over it to this day.

I hope he never does. I can easily devolve into that creature again, and next time I won't wait so long to do it.