I'm back after 6 years
I deleted my account thinking my step-horror was finshed after Oss22- whose was 16 at the time was banned from our home after the calling CPS saying that he was being abused. His definition of "abuse" was being held accountable for his actions, have assigned chores, or having to follow rules. He did not appreciate that we provided a clean, safe, caring environment. Bm would do anything to hurt Dh including damage his relationship with his sons.
Dh was not the greatest father to OSS. When he was little, OSS had to witness BM and Dh arguing.
We've had OSS, YSS, on alternating weeks relationship with YSS was great. Our main issue was OSS.
After a visit from CPS- dh decided that he was "done" with OSS. I say done, because after that fiasco their relationship was only business. Dh still paid CS and later still allowed OSS access to his college fund but that was the extent of it. Dh did miss him very much and it was hard to see him upset . Dh agreed that in order for him to have a relationship with OSS he would have to: 1) apologize to myself and dh 2) Show me basic respect 3) act like he wanted to be part of our family. Not too much right? We did not hear from OSS for 6 years. YSS started blaming me for why OSS is not speaking to Dh and called Dh "a POS of a father". He stopped coming over. It was just Dh, Myself, my DD and our BD for 6 years. He tried many times to stay in touch with his kids but they chose not to have anything to do with him.
I've seen nights where Dh would be in the basement looking through old pictures and crying his heart out when he saw a picture of the three of them (Dh, OSS, and YSS).
There was no contact between us and them for 6 years. They blocked Dh's number, from there facebook, Instagram. Complete social media block-out. I was happy and enjoyed the peace but Dh was missing them very much! He tried to contact OSS many times even just to hear his voice but noting.
My in laws held Thanksgiving at their house this year. DH, I, and BD went. DD had thanksgiving with my ex-H. We go and saw, mother-in-law, father-in-law, my sister-in-law, her husband, their son, my brother-in-law, his wife, and their twin daughters. Low and be hold both OSS and YSS were their as well. My inlaws pulled a Jerry Springer on us!! If we had known they would be their we still would have attended. It did throw us off a bit.
It's the first time in 6 years Dh saw OSS22 and YSS20. He was speechless as was I. They barely spoke to us. They just said "hello" and looked the other way. I could tell dh was thrilled but he clearly was hurt with how they were ignoring him. OSS hasn't seen BD since she was 2 and he totally ignored her as well. It was a very uncomfortable for us. I wanted to leave but Dh wanted to stay and at least try to speak to them. I only stayed for Dh's sake but I was very annoyed with my inlaws.
When we were sitting and eating dinner- a wonderful spread by the way, everyone was talking. Everyone was fawning over Ss's about their academic achievements. OSS graduated with an honor's degree in microbiology and his currently enrolled in his first year of his masters. He wants to become a medical microbiologist and YSS is in his 2nd year of business school. They both are doing very well for themselves and everyone was proud of them- myself and dh included. Dh said that we was very proud of them; they completely disregarded him and continued on with their own respective conversations. Turns out OSS has a boyfriend and my mother in law was asking about him. Dh looked shocked. She was taking about him as if she knows him. Turns out both she and my father-in-law have met him. Dh tried asking OSS about him. Again, complete disregard and just carried on talking to mother-in-law and father-in-law. My sister-in-law answered for him and said he was 30 years old and a police officer. So she knew about him as well and I'm guessing her husband knows too. Dh looked very hurt. He went quiet. I felt so bad for him. Then YSS started talking about much fun everyone had last summer when they went to Miami to the inlaws vacation home.... Dh looked as if he was about to cry. Everyone knew about OSS's life except Dh. It was brutal to watch.
Dh did happen to speak to YSS alone and asked him how he was doing.He said that he was fine and walked away. Dh did try to speak to OSS as well but all OSS said "Only my dad can ask that" and walked off. Dh started crying.
My inlaws were very polite and welcoming to everyone but it was as if they weren't paying attention on how the skids were treating Dh. I did not ask. I just had my poliet face on the whole time.
Normally we spend Thanksgiving weekend with the in laws but with how eveything was turning out we thought it would be best if we left. Luckily dh agreed. Mother -in-law was "oh your leaving? Okay bye then". Dh heard OSS saying dh is best at turning his back to people. He spent the whole trip back crying. We returned home and dh went into the basement and stayed their the whole night. He's been very distant the whole weekend. I know he misses his sons. Especially OSS.
He was really hurt with how his sons were treating him. He thought it might be a good idea to have them both over to talk things out. I agreed that it would be best if they talk things out, but out of the home. My conditions for having OSS in the house are still the same. This lead to a big blow out between us.
After eveything was said and done he slept in the guest bedroom and has barley spoken 2 words to me. He uses BD as a barrier. I'm very hurt. Even today, he barley spoke to me. He went out for the day, came home played with BD, put her to sleep and just went to bed without even kissing me goodnight.
Sadly I wished my return to ST would be more love dovey but it's far from. I know this just the beginning and i know for a fact the skids want me out of the picture