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just.his.wife's picture

To our new members: Welcome Smile

To (some of) our existing members:

Please just stop.
What?
Assuming that every new member (or actually ANY new member) is a fraud/ troll/ duplicate log in for someone else.

Even IF you truly believe it there is no reason to post all over a new members blog/post your suspicions.

What IF your wrong (and you likely are)? You have now made yourself appear to be a complete and utter unfeeling, loonie jackass to someone who came on here because...

Just like the rest of us they need to VENT and get advice.
They did not come on here to be accused by others of being a fraud/liar/someone else.
They did NOT come on here to be given a hard time for something unrelated to them.

I am SICK of reading posters assault others verbally, toss accusations around and in general act like the spoiled SKIDS they come on here to complain about.

If you think posterabc is causing their own problems: Stop reading/replying to their posts.
If you do not like posterdef: stop reading/replying to their posts
If you think posterghi is a fraud: do not read/reply to thier posts

How about you just start behaving in the manner that you wish your skids would behave?
Lead by example.

Comments

Willow2010's picture

Wow.

DarkStar's picture

Not to mention that admin has also specifically called this behavior out recently.

Let's keep it classier than our BMs mmmmmmmmkay????

DaizyDuke's picture

Please Lady, just drink the Koolaid down so you don't get booted. We NEEEEEED you here!

dood's picture

Be aware of LadyFace's shortcomings and feelings... no one use the words kool-aid anymore Blum 3

just.his.wife's picture

Lady: It's kind of obvious this post struck a chord with you and pissed you off.

Despite the fact it's aimed no where near you. If it's striking that hard of a chord perhaps you should examine the reason why.

I am not saying smile and be a stepford wife.
I am not saying don't debate with people.
I am not saying support one and all and sing Kumbiya in a happy circle.

I am saying cut the new posters a break.
Offer them real advice.
If their subsequent posts show them to be a fraud, report them or tear in to them...

But their very first post?
Give them the benefit of doubt.

just.his.wife's picture

Understood, sorry I originally misunderstood.

Just to clarify, I am NOT saying be a stepford-SM.

I am just saying let the horse break from the gate before you start betting against it.
Give the newbies a post or two.

dood's picture

So much for free speech. Although I haven't a clue what this is about specifically... its like walking on eggshells on this site anymore... I will probably never post anything anymore.

just.his.wife's picture

It's not an issue of free speech dood. It's about right out of the gate accusing a new poster of not being who they say they are.

SadBM posts. Her daughter is having an issue with her step mom.
She came looking for advice.

Several people commented on her status referring to another poster, that other posters issues, what they feel about that other posters issues. Some stated sadbm must be the BM to this other poster. And recommended withholding the child from the father because the step mother is abusive to her etc etc.

Now yes, if anyone has read ALL the blogs, they might realize these replies are dripping in sarcasm.
To a brand new poster? Who probably has not read all the blogs?
All these step moms say my daughters step mom hates her and is abusive to her and I should withhold her from her dad and go back to court and do a,b,c,d....

And if she actually takes that sarcastic advice?
Family court could slap her senseless.

How many of the posters on here, WISH the BM would apply common sense, talk or ask about things, not just assume and throw a drama fit but instead reach out to the father in a calm, logical manner when issues arise? No drama, no withholding, no threats, no cops, no threats of calling cps?

Sadbm reached out to a group of stepparents in an attempt to understand the step mother in her daughters life and to get advice... she is doing what a lot of people wish their BM would do, do some research and not just react.

And was met with blatant sarcasm, allegations of her not being who she states she is and still others distracting away from her post and onto a subject they have stuck on thier minds. The comments aren't helpful to a new member.

I am just saying, if someone thinks a post is false... walk past it or report it.
If someone really dislikes a poster... ignore them.
If someone REALLY needs a drama fix BAD: They can call the BM in their life and invite her out to lunch and tell her that her outfit makes her look fat/her dye job is bad/whatever.

New members come and most are emotionally raw. Something in their life is so going so bad they are searching out the support of total strangers hoping someone/anyone can relate. For their first post to be met with blatant sarcasm and cross posting off a different members post...

IMHO, it's just wrong.
And yes I realize that opinions are like a$$holes. Everyone has one. They all stink.

AllySkoo's picture

Whoa! I think you're at least in part referring to me, since I specifically called out Nunya's BM and I also recommended going back to court to change the custody. I was not AT ALL being sarcastic. And it doesn't matter to me one little bit who that poster is either - either she's "real" or she's not, but I actually gave the advice I'd give if she IS real. She needs to go back to court and get primary custody. Take issue with my opinion if you like, but I DO have the right to that opinion, even if it's not backing the SM.

dood's picture

Well, that's your honest opinion... but for some people, their honest opinions need to be guarded to avoid the big ole boot.

I think that if a new member...."...actually takes that sarcastic advice?" and "...Family court could slap her senseless"... Well, I think that's pretty insane.

This is a WEBSITE... social media if you will. If I posted about an issue or situation and I got advice that seemed odd or extreme I WOULDN'T FOLLOW IT. Steptalk and forums of this nature are not the end all/be all authorities on blended family life.

I guess some of us are more sarcastic/playful and tough skinned than others. I'll just do what I usually do and stay out of the drama... But in the end, my prediction is that this site will turn into perfume farts and unicorns... I don't think anyone needs anymore of that in our lives.

Edited to add this is in response to JustHisWife

DaizyDuke's picture

Let me ask you this... I posted this exactly "I'm just curious, is your DD at camp this week?"

Now, that is not abusive, offensive, snarky, sarcastic.... it was a straight forward question and most of you reading this know exactly why I asked, however IF poster is real, she would have no clue why I asked, just a mundane, legit question. Yet my question was deleted? Why? Can anyone explain that to me??

just.his.wife's picture

I saw your post Daisy and a few others that got deleted as well, something about a book fair?

I kinda presumed the OP went through and deleted anything that didn't seem like it was an answer to her post? Dunno.

robin333's picture

Based on comments, a lot were deleted. I'm catching up and references are made about replies that are not there.

FrenchPeas's picture

Because your comment being deleted answered a question that was in your mind - and you were right. Period.

No sarcasm needed. No accusing. No blaming. No anything.

A straightforward question and, those haven't been regulated...yet.

Willow2010's picture

we should not offer advice unless said advice assumes the OP is completely and totally innocent and is purely a victim? Is that what steptalk is now?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
That is what it is turning into sadly.

AllySkoo's picture

*sigh* No kidding. Rainbows and unicorns are very nice and all, but not particularly helpful. I find the call for rainbow farting unicorns very odd, to be honest.

DaizyDuke's picture

The STEPford wives for sure!

Almost like a weird cult. You can be part of the group as long as you know your place. Don't speak out of turn and certainly don't speak out against real (or perceived) injustices or you shall be banished

dood's picture

No, no, no... There will not be any winners or losers in this competition... Everyone is a winner in their own special way.

another step's picture

Don't forget to wear your petticoats and lipstick. Points are deducted for members who are not wearing heels at least 3 inches high and stockings are mandatory. We will, of course, be finished by 2:30 so that we can all get home to finish cleaning the house, have dinner ready, and be freshly primped for the arrival of our beloved family....who will promptly either ignore us or tell us to "fuck off."

WTF...REALLY's picture

You want to know a secret? I think I might of fell for something some where. Got payed like a fiddle. Lol. Sometimes I am naïve.

And 3" heels......fuck. These rules suck. Sad Wink

WTF...REALLY's picture

I am way to honest of a person. If I see bullshit, I call bullshit. If I see someone needing help, I try to offer help. And I like different opinions and debates.

Gets me in to trouble. Lol

dood's picture

Probably due to the fact that people are too freaked out to chime in or post anything. I feel like we're being watched and audited.

Sunflower1's picture

Kumbuya my looorddddd, kuummmmmbbbbuuuuyyyaaa... Oh wait. Guys can we do this together? Ladyface, the koolaid isn't so bad with vodka. Wink

notsobad's picture

Love, love, love this!! I had it in the BVI
We have an actual beer here, not pop, that is Ginger Beer. It's called Crabbies and is from Scotland. When we were in the BVI I was so excited that they had gingerbeer, turns out it was like rootbeer, just pop, not beer Sad

Sunflower1's picture

Switch out the ginger ale, sub ginger beer with some fresh line juice and you've got a Moscow mule. Delish. Now, I can't remember can this be sung in a round?

moeilijk's picture

I don't usually have much to say on posts 'like this', but I really respect just.his.wife (her blogs are a fascinating and motivating read) so I will add my 0.02.

I wish that people were nicer.

I know lots of us have crappy situations and live with a lot of stress and frustration. Not all of us 'just' deal with skids, many also have disappointing relationships with our spouses. Sometimes we just can't handle one more call to arms. I get it.

I think even given all the headaches some of us live with, we could give some new posters a chance. (Not all, there are some crazies out there.) But I hated the cliques in high school and I hate them here. I've been the newbie so many times (moved across country, moved overseas, I don't know how many new jobs, new assignments, etc etc.) and it ALWAYS sucks to be the one not included.

It's worse to be excluded on purpose. In my case, because I took the job of someone they liked, or because I'm from another country, or I'm too old/young for the group. And that's what we do to some of these newbies.

I wish we could find the patience to wait and see. Instead of pounce.

If any of you are interpreting my words to suggest that you shouldn't share your advice or shouldn't comment, you're interpreting wrong.

If any of you are interpreting my words to suggest that you should only say nice things all the time, or that you should only tell the truth (as you see it) if you think the poster wants to hear it, you're interpreting wrong.

I'm just saying that newbies don't have the shared history we do, and they don't 'get' it. So, if you are willing to make the effort, keep that in mind.

OTOH, I also know that there are some posts that are irresistible. Wink

dood's picture

I think you can't have it both ways...

" I think even given all the headaches some of us live with, we could give some new posters a chance. (Not all, there are some crazies out there.) "

So, who is judge and jury on who the "crazies" are? You? The nice people? Oh wait, can't have a group of nice people because that it a click...

This is all subjective stuff, but the shame of it is, that its becoming Not So Subjective as some impose their thoughts and feelings on the others... in the name of being "nice".

Oy.

WTF...REALLY's picture

It does seem like some people have been given too much "power" on here lately. "Police people" if you will. Not referring to monjik.

DaizyDuke's picture

I have been here 5 years and have never seen a blog get shut down.ever. And there have been some doozies that would have benefited from shut down.

moeilijk's picture

Well, I'd like to think you (you personally) are independent and competent enough to tell the difference between: Help! I hate my stepkid and I don't know how to talk to my husband about it! VS Help! I don't want to leave my husband even though he's cheating on me and I wish he didn't hit me and my daughter from my previous relationship but I love him so much.

For example.

And if you're not, oh well. If you (and now it's general you lol) want, you can be unkind to others because someone else peed in your cornflakes. I don't like it, but the world isn't there for me to like.

I think what I said above is just regular people thinking and doing normal stuff. What surprised me about your reply was the idea that you felt that being 'nice' means someone else has imposed their thoughts and feelings on you, otherwise you wouldn't be 'nice'? Or that someone thinks they're being 'nice' but has instead imposed their thoughts and feelings on you?

Because, IMHO, you (still general you) can be nice because it's in your nature, or you can be nice because you think you should be, or you can be a raging B if you want. That's up to you. If you feel imposed upon by the call to be 'nice', that's really an internal conflict.

And, again IMHO, if you feel others are imposing themselves upon you with their ideas of being nice (like the neighbour who drops by to chat - she thinks she's being nice and you want her to just go home already), it's up to you to say, "Please come in and have some coffee," to please the other person, or to say, "Sorry, I don't have time now," to please yourself. Again, it's an internal conflict.

DaizyDuke's picture

here here! Unfortunately it's a hot button, it's like trying not to look at the wreck on the side of the highway. It's human nature to be drawn to it and some people take advantage of that and there is NO denying THAT.

Dawn-Moderator's picture

It is not a users job to decide if decide if a story is true or not. If you think it is made up, ignore it. By engaging a fake post, you are giving them what they want, attention. However, there is a chance that it is not fake and then all of the judgmental users come off as awful people and give this site a bad reputation. That is not acceptable.