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Xmas Party! Feeling really bitter towards SO, Skids, BM just about everyone!!!

justanothergurlNJ's picture

Let me explain. The bar SO and I go to when we go out is having their Christmas party in a couple of weeks. We go every year, its fun we get to see friends we don’t see often, free buffet and the food is amazing. Well this year the party falls on a skid weekend. SO is determined to go. I on the other hand rather just call it a night. Here are our options to go; I don’t like any of them. 1) We can ask SO’s Mom to watch them, I really rather not for the following reasons. A) BM burdens SO’s Mom every Friday night that we don’t have the skids so she can have her Friday night fuck fest with her married boyfriend. I shit you not it is EVERY Friday night that the skids are not with us. Keep in mind SO’s Mom hurt herself back in August and has been out of work and she is not healing well. She just had her hard cast removed and is in an air cast. Dirol If she watches them we are going to have to leave early, I know myself it is going to piss me off and I am going to be miserable. C) SO’s Mom puts the boys to bed MUCH earlier then we do, so if we stay later she is not going to let SO take them if they are sleeping. She will tell him to just come in the morning which is fine BUT SO will feel obligated to sleep there and while my kids are old enough to be home alone I will not leave them over night and stay there with SO, but coming home alone after a Xmas party will piss me off. 2) Our other option is to ask BM to switch weekends with us IF she agrees and I am sure she won’t it will mean for one favor we will owe her 10 and SO’ Mom will still get stuck watching the boys because BM can only see her married boyfriend on Friday nights.

Now onto why I am feeling to bitter. My kids are 15 and 11 they are more then capable to stay home alone. My 15 year old son is responsible enough to watch his 11 year old sister who really does not need watching she will either be in her room doing her thing or there is a good chance she will not be home, my son as well he may be out for a spell while we are gone. This pisses me off I have older children and I have to sacrifice my adult time. I did that already I am to a point in my life where I am getting more and more freedom. Even when my kids were small I hired babysitters for times like these. We can not do this for SO’s kids because their behavior is obnoxious and BM would flip a shit. I am just angry it is not fair I have to miss things because of his little brats!!!! On top of that his solutions to this matter will not make me happy they will just piss me off more I rather just not go!!!!

Comments

StepDoormat's picture

Personally, I think its messed up that your MIL babysits for the BM anyways! My MIL and FIL would NEVER do a favor for BM. She would never ask... after the divorce, they don't even talk to her.

If your MIL is willing to babysit, just tell SO that you're not willing to spend the night at her house. OR... can your SO pay your 15 year old a little bit to watch the skids too that night? I'm sure a 15 year old, who is gonna be home anyways, would jump at the chance to make an easy $40 or so.

Don't let your skids ruin your social life. Enjoy your SO or else you are going to become even more resentful. If its something you do every year, and you enjoy it, make it happen.

justanothergurlNJ's picture

My son won't because they are not well behaved kids and do not listen to their own parents and BM would blow a gasket. He knows I will not spend the night but it will piss me off to have to go home alone. I know part of this is me being selfish I want what I want when I want it and I feel I have earned it and it is well deserved. I raised my kids!!! As far as MIL she has some "single Mom" kinship with BM neither of them know what it is like to be a single Mom and struggle. Like BM MIL never struggled as a single Mom she lived rent free with her parents and came and went as she pleases because her parents where always there taking care of SO. I on the other hand have been a single Mom struggled to pay bills got little help from family becuase they lived far away. I DID NOT have every Friday night to myself and the few I got I paid for a sitter.

justanothergurlNJ's picture

I do not know of any since I haven't had the need for one in a few years. Also like I mentioned the are NOT well behaved kids and I would not burden a stranger with that. Alos I am sure BM would blow a gasket and give us shit for weeks to come!

justanothergurlNJ's picture

Visitation is not CO as of yet we are in the process of it so he is at BMs mercey. No she is not resonable and one way or the other this kids will be dumped on his Mom.

justanothergurlNJ's picture

He's showing to be quite the doormat to all these women BUT you, get my point??? YUP i couldn't agree more. Personally I think it is way past boundries, he has tried it and never stuck to it. I agree with everything you are saying I am just and the point where I m rethinking this relationship in a whole.

PLUS after a night out at a bar you may enjoy sleeping in, if he's at MIL's w/the skids tell him to not rush home before noon Your kids are old enough where they sleep in or entertain themselves in the morning.

THIS too is a great point and true my kids do sleep in!!

StickAFork's picture

Can't he hire a high school or college student?

I'd go. Do your thing. Have fun. If you go home alone, so be it. It isn't the end of the world. (Were you planning on leaving your kids home alone overnight?)

I kinda disagree with the "my kids are older, I want adult time" thing because your DD is only 11. It's not like you have a bunch of teenagers and are "done" with this stage. She's still very young.

justanothergurlNJ's picture

No I had no intentin of leaving my kids home alone. YEs she is only 11 but my 15 yo is more then capable of being home alone with her.

Disneyfan's picture

You can always go with some friends.

My son is 21. DF's kids are 21,15(lives out of state),7 and 5.

So far I've attended two events without DF because he had his youngest two.