Why did you come here? What have you learned or gained? And where are you now in this thing called Steplife?
I've been here 5 years and posters have come and gone and come back with new user names. With the last post and everyone coming together to defend 1 poster it made me think of how this place at one time in my life was my home my salvation some times. It's always been a great group.
So I'll start.
I found this sight with a Google search on step families. The Babycenter and Cafe Mom sites weren't working for me. Their happy lives were too fairy-taleish for me. I was living in hell. With a intrusive, BPD BM. A ball less SO 2 SS's that were and still are poorly behaved, PAS'd and when they were around they were BM's very own FBI-CIA Secret Service. I needed a place to vent, get advice or just pass time when I was held up in my room when the crotch droppings were visiting.
I have learned to put my foot down and if it means on SO's balls then so be it. Establish boundaries with BM and if it means put my foot down on SO's balls the so be it. }:). I have learned to establish "my space" when the skids are with us. I have learned that there is no grey area if I am not pleased with something open your mouth and yes even to the skids. I have learned disengagement and not my skunk not my stink. I do not get involved with things I consider parental, school, behavior (unless they are in my presence) I do not get myself upset or bothered. SO and BM discuss these matter via email as the CO states. If he asks for advise I give it but I do not give any unsolicited advise. If those 2 chose to raise their off spring like wild feral animals it is not my concern.
There are now set boundaries with BM, with SO and where my involvement with HIS kids starts and ends and there is a precedent set for how the boys are expected to act out in public and in our home. And I will correct the behavior as I see fit. SO has gotten on board I think he has been embarrassed by his kids 1 to many times. It's been a long road but with perseverance and consistency we've gotten there.
Where am I now. I am a place of contentment for the most part. We have our bumps in the road. SO has become a pro at dealing with BM. She for the most part stays on her square. Everyone once in awhile she feels froggy and attempts to take a leap but SO put her right back in her place.
Things are manageable and SO and I are happy.