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Has to prove me wrong....

Journey0601's picture

The last couple of visits with SD have overall went okay... she is at the age where she wants to play on her phone or watch her own shows.... the mini wife stuff has completely subsided as well....her and my son still fight a lot, he annoys her and she is really mean.... but we don’t see her a whole lot and I have doing more cards things with the two littles, while she has been with DH...

however, when I do try to talk with her and connect with her (something our counsellor suggested)she seems to need to find a way to undermine me and prove me wrong...

this morning while I was driving her to school I was saying how things worked out well as all the weekend switches her mom requested for October/November worked out so we had her on weekends that we had plans that we wanted her to be a part of (birthday party/church event) it was a positive point, saying how it’s great things worked out that way for us and her mom meaning she gets to attend all the events with both of her families.... well she wasn’t satisfied with that and proceeded to tell me that her mom only made one of the requests because she asked her to, so she wouldn’t miss the church event.... when I explained that her mom had made the requests prior to us even knowing the date of the church event... she proceeded to make up a lie that DH’s mom had told her the date of the church event before school even started and that is why her mom made the request.... when in reality DH’s mom was out of the country before school

started and SD only saw her last weekend for the first time since June.... it was a completely made up lie to tell me I am wrong and she is right... I could have called her out on it as I bet she didn’t even know the date of the church event... but told myself it isn’t worth it.... no sense in mentioning it to DH either as it really bothers him when I tell him about her lying or anything shady she does...I know it’s not a big deal in the grand scheme of things....’but I HATE lying and hate how she  can just make up things on the spot for the sole purpose to undermine or diminish something I am saying.... she does it all the time 

another thing she did is DH’s cell was charging and we only had one charger at MIl’s... she asked if she could take his out and charge hers... I told her to look at the percent and it was only 40% so I said she would beed to wait (hers was 25% and DH needs his for his business). Well she must have ignored me... because she actually went and woke him up to see if she could charge hers....the constant undermining and lack of respect is frustrating...


StepMamaBear6's picture

That’s called “Double Asking” in my house and nothing will get your grounded faster than asking one parent and getting an answer you don’t like and then turning around and asking the other parent hoping for a better answer. I’d talk with and come to agreement on the consequences for Double Asking. 

Journey0601's picture

Because we don’t see her much... DH does not punish her.... all he will do is tell her not to do something.... I have literally never witnessed an actual punishment...

when he yelled at her for treating my son like crap... she threatened that she wasn’t coming over anymore.... he talked to her and she still comes over... and he did handle that well in that he told her, he will call her bluff (meaning if she really doesn’t want to come he won’t force her) but warned her that not having her father will be hard... (he has an older daughter he doesn’t have a relationship with)

as for her lying to undermine me? That is just a common thing and drives me insane!!

beebeel's picture

Well you can tell the counselor you tried! But I wouldn't continue making the effort. No more polite small talk. In fact, she can ride the bus to school! Oh, and "ask your dad" is now the acceptable response to any question she has.

Journey0601's picture

country 45 minutes from her school..... I drive her and pick her up once a week because DH is home during the day with the baby and gets my son on the bus..after she told me the lie, I ended our conversation and didn’t talk the rest of the ride.... I typically do say “ask your dad” and will continue with that! I used to be alone with all 3 kids once or twice a week... but my husband’s hours have changed so I am no longer home with her alone very often.... making the “ask your dad” and discipline way easier as I will put it all on him 

tog redux's picture

Yeah, "ask your dad" was my mantra for anything SS ever asked me.

And I have to point out - you kind of want to prove HER wrong, too.  Just keep to the superficial topics and don't bother correcting her when her story differs from hers.

Journey0601's picture

This is true.... I didn’t though and let her have her lie.... It was just frustrating that she couldn’t accept what actually happened.... something doesn’t even matter really...

but I guess she was trying to show that she is great because she asked for the change and her mom is great for saying yes... even though that isn’t what happened lol

Siemprematahari's picture

I agree with Beebeel. I'd also skip the small talk and have her take the bus or let H drive her. He doesn't want to rock the boat because she's hardly with you guys but that's not a reason to not discipline her when she's out of line. This only motivates her to continue her undermining. For her not to undermine you, simply do not entertain and or engage her in anyway. It removes you from allowing her that satisfaction.

Journey0601's picture

i drive her and pick her up because DH looks after the baby during the day and gets my son on the bus.. I drive her before work... no bus for the 45 minute drive... I am going to continue to disengage beyond that... she really does enjoy undermining me and DH points it out all the time too.... she gets pleasure from it...

Siemprematahari's picture

I understand sorry I missed the part of your H looking after the baby during the day and gets son on the bus. But yes do not further engage, initiate conversations, or ask how her day is. Soon enough she'll get that you wont be a source of entertainment and she can go about her business and stay a miserable child.