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SMFH

jojo68's picture

SD17 almost 18 moved out for a brief period to go live with her friend...unfortunately didn't last but maybe a month. When she returned to our home, she decided that the room and bathroom that she has been hers for most of her life she decided she didn't want to sleep there or use that bathroom anymore. So DH fixed up the spare room. It isn't very comfortable..kinda cold in the winter and hot in the summer. The mattress is uncomfortable, no cable TV connection, ect... The other room that she used previously was great and had its own bathroom. I am baffled at why she doesn't want the room that she lived in for 17 years anymore. :? :? :? :? :? :? :? :?
Where my frustration comes in she wants to share the master bathroom that DH and I share. I told DH I was not cool with that. At first I really never noticed that she was bothering anything but last week a bunch of my personal items went missing...lotion, body spray, a jar of $40 eye cream (WTF would she use old lady eye cream),used deodorant Barf! and couple other things. I got pretty upset because she never even asked me...she went shopping on my vanity and never said anything to me about it although she did tell DH that she was "borrowing" my things because he didn't buy her anything and she needed these things (which I never saw again). DH told her not to take my things anymore. So yesterday I come in to the bathroom after I came home from work and both of our vanities had been organized and rearranged but I didn't notice anything missing but I'm not really sure :? :? :? :? :? :? I had had enough and I didn't say anything to DH because I know that he sees it as SD doing a good dead and cleaning the bathroom (although only the vanities had been touched not any other cleaning) but that is not how I see it ( I honestly feel violated by it). I just cleared out all my things that I used to sit out (out of convenience) and put them away so now nothing is on the vanity. I'm sorry but those are my very personal things and I don't want other people getting into my things call me selfish or whatever but that is how I feel.
SD is such a weirdo that I never know what to think. I admit I always think the worst which is that she is letting me know that she thinks she I am such an insignificant POS that she can do whatever she wants without consequence. I can't say anything to her because she threatens suicide lately and she is such a mental case I think sometimes that it might happen.
I told DH he needs to get her to counseling. Clearly she doesn't act normal and I actually thinks he sees that because he agrees but I honestly don't think anything will come of the counseling because she will refuse to go.

Comments

beebeel's picture

Taking things without asking and receiving permission is stealing. I would tell my husband that his thief child is no longer welcomed in my private rooms. If he disagrees, he can find another place for them to live.

ntm's picture

No, she does not get to use the master bathroom. What is her move out timeline? Or is she there indefinitely? Suicide threats or not, indefinitely is not acceptable. If she refuses counseling, that’s on her. And i had to hide my toiletries for at least two years. It sucks to feel violated like that. My razor is not your damn razor. And DH did buy them their own stuff.

Threatening suicide can be a very manipulative tactic.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

She's stealing!!! Your DH needs to realize that's not okay! It's YOUR home! SD17 with all her move in and out antices (and literally any other child! Already made that clear to DH) just live there! It's time for her to move on. The Master Bathroom is NOT hers, it's yours and DH's, that's why it's the master bath. She can move back to her old room or deal without having a bathroom in her room. She CHOSE to move, you shouldn't have to be giving up your space, and apparently your things, because she's being a spoiled princess!

Aunt Agatha's picture

Oh no. I sold my two bed two bath to get a house with my own bath. No one - not even my SO gets to use it.

So no freaking way would this go on in my house.

Tell your DH the SD uses her bath and put a lock on yours - or they can both find a new place to live.

I don’t share bathrooms and I for sure would not share personal products.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Plus her saying DH didn't "buy her them." She moved out with a friend... Time to learn some responsibility! When I was in high school I literally bought all that s*** for myself. No excuses! You can take care of yourself without "daddy" supplying everything!

DaizyDuke's picture

Yuck I don't miss those days. My SD20 stole clothes from me, makeup, hair stuff, phone charger, and probably stuff I didn't even notice. I got tired of fighting with DH about it and him doing nothing, so I just started hiding my stuff. It really sucks to have to do that in your own home, but at least that way I didn't have to worry about it anymore and didn't have to fight about it anymore.

And because I'm a Petty Crocker bitch, I played some tit for tat with her and hocked some of her makeup from time to time and chucked it in the garbage. Oh and some of her clothes would randomly come up missing out of the dryer and end up in the garbage. That spare key that DH and I fought about him giving her on it's stupid Sponge Bob lanyard, ended up on the couch one night less than a week after he gave it to her and.. oopsie! that also went in the garbage. DH was pissed she "lost" it and refused to have another one made for her. Score one for Petty SM }:)

jojo68's picture

OMG ^^^^this right here^^^^^i didn’t know the terminology for what I am until ...I am a petty Crocker bitch tooooo!!! She left her blanket in the bathroom the other day. “Somehow” it got torn.....oh and I jiust don’t know what happened to that shirt left in our clothes hamper. Lmao

StepUltimate's picture

Where do I send membership dues because I am in the club! SS17 easier than if it was a girl, but any goodies hide under the lettuce in the produce drawer of the fridge (= he will never find it!).

futurobrillante99's picture

This would piss me off pretty badly. I wish we had a master bathroom, but I don't see DH enforcing his kids NOT using it if the other bathroom was occupied.

We had talked about putting a bathroom in the basement, but I am fully certain DH wouldn't make either bathroom off limits to his kids, so that means there would be pee on the toilet seats, toothpaste and whiskers in the sink and garbage in BOTH bathrooms instead of one. At least if one of them pees on the seat, they inconvenience the whole house, now. It would suck for me to relax and think I could sit down on the seat without sitting in someone's pee only to be startled by it because it would be mean to say they couldn't use the upstairs bathroom.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Gotta love that... I informed DH the other day that our bedroom (when we finally fricking get a house) would be COMPLETELY off limits to kids, ours, his, idk who, I need a kid free zone and not to be climbed all over all day because they want to...

His response "well but kids... And they live there too." Sanctuaries are dead... I'll probably just have to build myself a cellar to go hang out in... LMAO

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

EXACTLY. I'll just install a lock and forget to give DH the key... He'll have to give me some secret knock to be let in. LMAO

momjeans's picture

“Sanctuaries are dead... I'll probably just have to build myself a cellar to go hang out in... LMAO”

Holy heck, I about spit my drink out. So funny!

Stepped in what momma's picture

My #1 rule is no skids in my bedroom which means since the master bathroom is in my bedroom that they aren't getting in. I'd start taking SO's stuff one by one until he was left with nothing and then see how he feels. I cannot stand a man that doesn't understand that we have the right to our own personal space.

jojo68's picture

Thought I smelled some MJ cooking one night. I looked in the room she is sleeping in and couldn't find anything but I swear I did.

Acratopotes's picture

Lock the master bedroom, and simply tell SD - stay the eff out of my space, you have a room and there's a bathroom to use. Keep the bathroom locked when you are not there, heck lock your room as well,

SD is moving into your space, she had a break to think everything carefully through.... she's taking your private space working you out.

I've been through this and it caused me to move out, Aergia had her own room and bathroom but would use ours in the master bedroom, she would put her shit all over the bathroom and trashed mine, even moved somethings to the dresser in our room. I told SO NO, she's not allowed in our room and it caused war, eventually I moved out and she took over the whole bathroom and his room... he only slept there.... It got so bad that SO started locing his own bedroom to keep her out.

I think SO got angry cause I refused to spend the night or do anything in his house, I kept my story, not sharing a bathroom and room with another woman, I'm not the mistress..

bearcub25's picture

I did the same with the spare key for SDs bedroom, we had to lock it so SS wasn't stealing her panties. She left hers on the bar, and it went in the trash.

I had went to the Smoky Mtns a few years ago. I bought the gkids and skids cheap 5 dollar shirts and me a nice Tshirt. My shirt and SDs were the same color and I accidently gave her the wrong one but she LOVED it so much I let it go. She has been at BMs since June and wouldn't come back and clean her room up. I did it instead, found the T shirt in the back of her closet and took it. I also found some other small things she had borrowed and then said she lost.

as my wits end's picture

Wow these mini wives do my head in. I put a lock on our bedroom door for this reason, my SO hated it and would get the shits regularly with me about it I said mate as long as your mini wives live here there will be a lock on our door, suck it up buttercup you created them! 6 years later and the lock remains, this is my space stay the f out of it. There has been 2 times over the years that we locked the key in there and it cost him $300 each time to get locksmith In lol again mate your fault for never giving them boundries!