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Jcksjj's picture

SD has been mysteriously ill and had to stay home from school the day after she got back from our house 3x in a row now.

The first couple times I was slightly suspicious but it could have been a coincidence. But three times in a row? Very suspicious. No one else in our house is sick, she didn't have any signs of illness the day before. Another thing to cry to the school counselor about maybe?



advice.only2's picture

I forgot was it BM who reached out to the school and requested counseling or was it the other way around?

A lot of times the teachers are aware that some kids have crap parents. I'm pretty sure the teacher of SD knows this and reports it to the administration. BM was able to use the COD card at first but I think even that is starting to become obvious to the school that isn't the issue.

Reality is the school will pass SD on despite her poor attendance or her bad grades. It's rare for students to get held back anymore unless the parents demands it.

Jcksjj's picture

Yes, it was BM who called the school and asked for SD to have counseling. She said she has self esteem issues and gave the examples of blurting out in the classroom and staying in her room most of the time when she's at our house. 

She had originally told DH he needed to go to counseling with SD at the school to be allowed to have SD back more. When he ignored that she set it up herself and said it was about her self esteem instead.

Yeah, I mean the kid has 21 tardies and 6 absences now and half the school year was distance learning. Zero of those occurred on our time, even at the beginning of the year when she was here more often. All of the things she's saying have been an issue since SD was in preschool too. I saw her preschool reports once, which she started before I even knew her, and it was the exact same comments teachers have now. It didn't just start recently like she's trying to pretend.

ESMOD's picture

Often mysterious illness is a result of issues the kids may be having at school with other kids.

In 7tth through 9th grade I went to a private school that was populated with the cast of mean girls.  I wasn't cool..being that I was a new kid.. who's parents were not independently filthy rich.  These kids were spoiled and entitled and many of them were very horrible.

I even had some issues with teachers bullying me there.  One teacher had to have a conference because she didn't believe I had written my paper.. because the words were too BIG!  I had a math teacher that claimed that she didn't have my text book .. forcing us to buy a new one.. and I happened to look over at her cabinet and saw my book there (had a distinctive stain on the binding).. despite the fact that it had my name.. she didn't tell me she had it and blamed me for being forgetful and leaving it in class.. which I'm sure I did.. as a 12 yo.. but sheesh.  The nazi (I'm fairly certain) french teacher spoke with disdain and it was a pleasure to find that the test we all took to see our rankings in a national language ranking.. I actually was the only kid in the class to be asked to come to an advanced level of testing.. guess I knew more than she thought I did.

Anyway.. a simple story of how horrible these kids were is that we had a class picnic.  There was fried chicken and watermelon on the menu.  The "clique" refused to eat that because "that is what black people eat"... I was shocked!

Bottom line, I didn't fit in.. and despite the fact that my parents were paying  a pretty penny for me to go there.. I didn't thrive.. often had stomache issues that would make me ask to stay home.. wonder why?

Maybe she is having issues with her peers.. I and it could be that SHE is the issue.. but it is a possibility.

Jcksjj's picture

She did have issues with her peers before- except she was the one doing the bullying. Occasionally a kid would retaliate, but most of them would just try to avoid her if possible. I'm not sure if that's still going on or not, it was a couple years ago. 

It just seems odd though that it happens to be on the days after she gets back from our house? Out of 6 absences, 3 are the days immediately after she gets back from our house, 2 are for appointments but she let her just take the whole day off, and I'm not sure about the last one.

ESMOD's picture

well.. it can be a both way thing.. she is not wanting to face people who she has offended too.  It's likely that some of her behaviors have continued.. unfortunately, the insecurities that make people act that way.. are part of their personality and aren't fixed without a whole lot of personal work... which she likely hasn't been comitted to doing.

futurobrillante99's picture

It's possible the deprogramming by BM makes SD sick. She's probably barraged with questions and smothered by her mother who can't let her out of her sight after being with "those awful people" for visitation.

Creepy co-dependency.

Jcksjj's picture

I did take SDs not replying much to BMs emails this weekend as her being annoyed by it. She seemed to enjoy the attention the first couple times but not this last weekend.

I could see the codependency ramping up now when BM has no one else. She's been single for a long time and works alone cleaning homes. Does have a couple friends but that's not a ton of interaction. Most of her family is distant as well.

Ispofacto's picture

My guess is that BM is being found out by the school and wants to divert blame.

Either your family is keeping SD up too late™️, or you are feeding SD the wrong kind of food™️, or seeing your family is traumatic for SD™️, because Daddy has a new family and no one cares about SD™️.


Jcksjj's picture

Probably all of the above. Amazing how we've been around over half her life and 50/50 custody was fine until now. I'm sure her being old enough to stay home alone for awhile in BMs state so it's more of a benefit to her to have her there (no daycare but a tax exemption) than here has nothing to do with it.

She might want to take a look at herself though, because we aren't the ones feeding her mainly fast food or the home where she's posting tiktok videos at 1 am.