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Jcksjj's picture

Submitted by Jcksjj on Thu, 05/27/2021 - 9:45am

So in trying to figure out what to do regarding the next time SD is supposed to come here we've been debating a few options. The main concern is the collaboration of SDs lies and BM and the inlaws encouraging the lies/making false allegations.

The first option is that we meet her for lunch or some sort of activity in public. 

The second option is we put it on BM and tell her that when SD is at our home it's our rules, she absolutely is not allowed unsupervised internet access, and there's to be no interference from her or SIL during our time. And that if she can't accept that she can choose not to send her to our house and we can meet her somewhere instead. SD doesn't care if she comes here anyway, so as far as that goes it's whatever.

I dont feel at all comfortable at this point having her in our home when it's risking the stability of our home for the other kids with SIL implying she's going to make false abuse allegations. DH feels the same, however he's still worried about how it looks and what his parents will say. Opinions? Also opinions on how to word whichever choice to BM?

Comments

Stepdrama2020's picture

Submitted by Stepdrama2020 on Thu, 05/27/2021 - 9:52am

IMHO public activity. You dont need to put yourself in the lions den of false accusations. That is so insane that DH's family puts you through this.

You know what no matter what you do MIL SIL will damn you. So protecting yourself is numero uno. Your DH should not care what they think, it will ALWAYS be negative. I hate this for you, every visitaion has to be so toxic and drama filled.

Best of luck.

Jcksjj's picture

Submitted by Jcksjj on Thu, 05/27/2021 - 10:18am

This is pretty much what I told DH. His family will be negative no matter what. He shouldn't even care what they think because they sure as he'll don't care what he thinks or feels.

lieutenant_dad's picture

Submitted by lieutenant_dad on Thu, 05/27/2021 - 9:52am

Real world consequences trump opinions. You have to protect your kids from being taken by CPS, and if SIL is threatening to file a false claim, then SD needs to stay away. Public seems like a good option, and if BM doesn't like that, then DH can tell her exactly why that's the option. Same goes with his family.

In regards to SIL, if you have a text with her saying that, I'd have a lawyer send her a cease and desist letter, outlining what legal consequences will come from filing false allegations. SIL needs to realize that you all aren't playing games here, even if she and MIL are.

Finally, your DH needs to speak with a therapist to help him grieve and cut ties with his family. If he won't, you need to consider what steps you need to take to permanently protect your kids from wild accusations and possibly being thrown into foster care over the crazies.

Jcksjj's picture

Submitted by Jcksjj on Thu, 05/27/2021 - 10:21am

She didn't flat out say she was going to make false allegations - it was implied and I know exactly what she was getting at because I've seen her do it to other people. Basically it was her messaging me on SDs tablet that I better not "take this out on that sweet little girl" and then her and BM rushing to get SD because they're just so worried about what will happen to her. All because SD had to put some clothes away and I told SIL that it wasn't up to her what SD does at our house.

justmakingthebest's picture

Submitted by justmakingthebest on Thu, 05/27/2021 - 9:52am

There is nothing wrong with chosing to take visits outside your home for the time being BUT that could still lead to false allegations.

I would put cameras up. We did it and don't regret it for a second.

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Thu, 05/27/2021 - 10:35am

If you do decide to do it at your home, she is 100% cut off from Internet and SIL. She can call BM once while she's there, on DH's phone. That won't stop SD from making false allegations later though. 

Jcksjj's picture

Submitted by Jcksjj on Thu, 05/27/2021 - 2:18pm

Does a 10 year old really need to call mommy when she's away from her for 48 hours though? Hopefully that will be irrelevant anyway, I don't think having her here is a good idea.

Ispofacto's picture

Submitted by Ispofacto on Fri, 05/28/2021 - 12:01pm

Why ask for agreement from BM when you can't trust her.

It's your house, your rules anyway.  You don't have to state that explicitly, and you don't want a paper trail.  Just decide what you want and do it.  Making an announcement will only cause a fight.

 

Jcksjj's picture

Submitted by Jcksjj on Fri, 05/28/2021 - 12:22pm

So you mean just tell her we're not doing overnights and SD can meet us at blah blah place at blah blah time?